Would you let an annoying family member live with you for 300k?

[L4815]

A relative of ours has said they will give us 300k if we allow them to move in with us.

It's me, DH and DS.

Pros.

Our 135k mortgage would be paid off plus other outstanding debt. We'd have a nice safety cushion and a better life financially.

Despite being annoying, deep down, we love family member and one of us feels a sense of duty toward them.

Family member would contribute to household chores.

Cons.

Family member is incredibly annoying. They like to be in control of everything. We don't let them but its still irritating.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

Despite having some health issues, they are only in their 50s so potentially could end up living with us for another 20 years.

Family member would nag us about keeping the house clean. Much higher standards than us.

House is only a bog standard terrace so although we have a spare room, we only have one bathroom, one living area, etc.

One of us says absolutely no way, not even for a million. Other one sort of agrees but id also slightly swayed by how beneficial money would be and also feels sorry for family member who lives alone and has no other family or friends.

Almost feels a bit like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Ultimately feels like a choice between freedom or money.

WWYD?

Hypothetical really as one of us has already vetoed.

No way. A house with an annexe maybe. Or a shed in the garden. But no way would I have someone come in MY house and dictate how I live or keep my house. Even my mom doesn’t do that since I told her when she said I should do things her way that if she was going to do that she needn’t bother coming over anymore.

No chance.

It would be a no from me. My mental heath is worth more than 300k

I couldn’t say no with that sort of money couldn’t you look to find another property with a converted garage where this person could reside and invest more money into a bigger property ? Look into that before saying no

“just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.”

With a kid in the house Hard pass. No way.

No dont do it . It will be hell and you cant go back! Controlling with much higher standards of housekeeping ? A nightmare without a doubt ! I have been there with relatives jumping on me concerning my lack of housewifely skills ! Keep away from them at all costs . It will be like selling your soul to the devil for money.

Another vote of NOPE.

It’s a no from me!
I would encourage relative to sell up and buy a managed retirement flat nearby. Many of them cost less than £100,000 and the rest of the money can be put towards the management fees. Still doesn’t solve the alcohol problem though. It’s a difficult one!

No.

Why can't family member move near you instead?

No way. I would even have to think twice about it if a massive house and a separate annexe at the bottom of the garden or coming for a week. Although the cleaning would be a novelty to begin with for a week.

Space and happiness in your home is absolutely priceless. You will be all on top of each other unable to relax and feel like treading on egg shells. Not worth it.

We have a family member in our house, although in the annexe. They paid for a garden office to be built so my husband could move out of the annexe and have somewhere to work. It’s the worst decision we ever made. They have no boundaries, no thought for others, selfish, and I have come to dislike them, even though we got on very well before they moved in.
Personally I wouldn’t do it. With the extra money, could you move house to somewhere a little bigger to give you all some space? Or if you do decide to say yes I would do a trial period. They could pay you some rent for a month or two to see if you really could cope with it.

Don’t do it-just don’t.

I was married to an alkie, no way would I go through it again for any amount of money. My sanity is more important.

Is that 300k per week or month :-). In my experience you cant help an alcoholic they can only help themselves and most are quiet happy as they are (and getting worse) I'd run a mile rather than be prisoner in my own home locked in with an alci at any price. After thought. If they've got £300k why dont they buy/rent there own place

If the 300k would be enough for you to move to a house with a self contained annex then maybe. Otherwise, no no noooooo.

NO really bad idea

Absolutely no way I would do or accept this. You might be better of money-wise, but your living quality would be in the gutters. No. No. No.

Build an annexe if possible and have adult social care’s input so it doesn’t affect your family.

Family member is a just about functioning alcoholic and would require our assistance with reducing.

They'e not going to reduce their alcohol intake, with or without your help, unless they want to. It doesn't sound as if that's likely. Is it?

Doesn't this mean you are going to have to bail them out financially? Two crates of wine a week plus all the other bills are going to mount up.

No - no way - no you probably don’t want a “functioning” alcoholic living with one of your kids. There are things you actually probably don’t want a kid to witness. Protect your DS and let the rest of the world reap what they sowed.

When you say they don't "feel able to work", is it that they genuinely can't work, don't want to, or are worried that their forgetfulness will cause problem? It does sound as if they should be encouraged to work as long as possible, both for financial and health reasons. If they're sitting around at home all day they will only end up drinking even more.

I think your sanity might be pushed too far. And you’d feel a bit overcrowded. Would your child stay settled? If it didn’t work out, you’d have to give a pro rata refund. Is it really worth the risk even though £300k is a great sum of money? I’d treasure your family unit first.

How about using the £300k to invest in a large property, maybe with annexe, so there is capacity to have your own space from one another? And of course in the long run run you’ve turned the £300k into an appreciating asset.

This would, literally, ruin the lives of you, your husband and your child. That £300k would seem like pennies in terms of its value in your life.

Sure, help with social services, financial advice, health advice etc but you’ve got your life to live. Unfortunately if other people want to ruin their life they will find not everyone is happy to be dragged down with them.