Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

Ditch him! He doesn’t deserve you.

Leave him, you'll be better off without him. Never mind children, mortgage etc, you can do it!!

This isn’t real surely?!

Run, fast, don’t walk! There is no part of what you have written that isn’t a 🚩

Why are you even considering marrying this abusive arsehole? It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, you’re just making it longer and suffering for longer if you stay.

I’m sorry. He knows he’s hurting you and wants you to break up so that he can be the victim. Leave him.

This is just the start, or maybe you've not noticed other comments during the 15 years. I put up with this sort of shit for 40 years, lost myself whilst working, doing most of the parenting and everything around thr house. But one day decided I had had enough and despite being scared I got out. Omg I so wish I had done it sooner. I shouldn't have waited for the kids to get older or things to get better I should have got out. My life couldn't be any more different and I couldn't be happier. Do not marry this man, you will regret giving him any more years of your life and you deserve so much more than a man who says this to you tgen thinks it's OK to cuddle up and pretend it never happened. It did and it will again.

It seems he is totally terrified of being married because it is a legal commitment in which he has to take responsibility for his behaviour. It gives you some control and legal backing, which he obviously doesn't want.
Call his bluff. You can reasonably tell everyone invited that the wedding is cancelled and why. As he has threatened to do it, preëmpt him. What a kick on the guts he has given you!

Do you honestly want to raise your children around a man who thinks it's ok to speak to his partner like this?!

Leave him, change the locks, get a good solicitor and tell his family exactly what's been going on.

You've stood by him, but he's pressured you into a job that makes you miserable for money, then given you ultimatums about your weight? Disgusting. What a vile man.

You are worth so much more, and your children will thrive not being raised by a misogynist.

Firstly, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. He should love and respect you for who you are, not just how you look. If he’s willing to call off the wedding over your weight, it speaks volumes about his priorities and values. He sounds seriously fucked up, cuddling you one minute and criticising you the next. This is emotional manipulation and he sounds controlling and coercive. I know you say it’s 15 years, but do you really want this for the next 15 years of your life? Sounds like he doesn’t appreciate the sacrifices you have made either. I know it’s so much easier said than done, but getting married will just make him worse. Call it off. Trust your gut. You do not need this in your life and he’s the one that is stressing you out the most! Tell everyone far and wide what he has been like. Unless you have a life threatening condition where you have to lose weight, he has no right telling you what to do with your body. Tell him you’re going to call it off unless his dick gets bigger. So sorry OP, have the wedding party with all your mates instead!

Get rid of the arrogant pr*ck!! Move on... and when you're good and ready, lose the weight for yourself, not him. You will look fabulous and he will have lost you. Go out there and find someone who truly deserves you and will love you no matter what. xxx

Absolutely. It's one thing making comments, but physically zooming in on photos to show you?

Believe me, I know leaving someone you've spent so much with with is hard, especially when you love them, and if they're a great partner in other ways, but you shouldn't have to put up with this behaviour full stop. Not even if 99% of the time he's perfect. This is abuse.

I think what you should really think about doing is telling him that actually you want to cancel the wedding, for the foreseen circumstances of him being a prick to you again, and then selling the house.

He is gaslighting you. Making you believe you are in the wrong. This will not stop , it will be worse once you are married.
Please look to your future without him.
It may seem difficult at the moment, but you will regain your self esteem and move forward and meet someone else that loves you the way you are, slim or not.
Staying with him, you will lose your self confidence , as it will erode. You'll lose your friends because of him.
Look after yourself & your children!
Cancel the wedding & ask him to leave!
You'll succeed .. & thank yourself..
In time you'll be so proud of yourself .
This scumbag will move on and will try to destroy another lady's life.
Get rid please .x

"he is on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding."

I'm going to assume he's a dead ringer for <insert your favourite ripped beautiful man here>? How fucking dare he comment on your weight. What a piece of shit. I'd not be marrying him after that.

Wait...he 'made you get a more lucrative job' and has tried to make you lose weight. Does he have form for being controlling? Why do you let him or did you not realise? It's blatantly clear to me it's all about him. Trick him into putting it in writing it he hasn't already then send round to all family and friends saying wedding is off, this is why..then block him on all SM channels and only converse about the kids on email/phone/in person. If you can kick him out then do. I'd say he has cold feet and may have someone else on the side. Are you sure he really works long hours because many men having affairs are doing it during supposed work hours. I'm sorry he seems to be a commitmentphobe twit. Know that you are worth far more and you have a voice. Start using it to protect you and your kids interests. Because he is only looking out for himself.

I don’t know you and whether you’re under or over weight. I hate to say this but, he is telling you what he think. The drink just gave him Dutch courage to say it out loud.

Walk away. I am leaving after 27 years. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy.

he's a disgusting pig. Tell everyone the wedding is off because he says you're too fat.

What is it about him that ‘you live to bits?’. He sounds awful. Of course he knows it it hurts you to say such hurtful things - I cannot understand why you would try and defend his behaviour. Do yourself a huge favour and cancel the wedding and move on.
I agree with previous poster that you seem to be a victim of sunk cost fallacy.

Do not give him the satisfaction of cancelling "due to unforseen circumstances " YOU should be calling the whole thing off, and let his nearest and dearest know exactly why! I'm so sorry this is happening to you! You're way roo good for this git.

Me too

I'd add, no man is worth your tears,
(unless there is a loss of a DH of many years)
or something similarly heartbreaking.

Why not get ahead and YOU cancel the wedding? i mean you are not going to marry him now, are you? So call time on his horrible manipulative and disloyal behaviour, and tell everyone its off because you chose it. You could go out and enjoy your hen do first though!

I don't think I could bring myself to ever have sex with this man again, knowing what he thought about my body.

I'm a couple of stone heavier than when I met DH - had a baby a few months ago and the weight piled on, especially with my BP meds, and it's been hard to lose.

DH has never, ever said anything other than I'm beautiful.

You deserve so much better.

This actually upsets me to think you even need to ask this?!

you clearly have no self worth.
nobody, deserves to be spoken to like that. How would you feel if one of your children told you their spouse spoke to them like that?

It can be hard when you are living it, but honestly this isn’t normal. And you deserve more. You need to leave him and learn to love yourself. You can absolutely do it.