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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

487 replies

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 11/07/2024 02:18

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

OP posts:
azafata2 · 12/07/2024 20:45

You know. I cannot believe how many women are grateful for the crumbs that a "man" throws them in the name of "love". So many women are brainwashed into thinking that this makes you "complete" . "I have stood by him so many times". So many women have such a low regard of themselves of what THEY need , deserve and work for. Why is this mediaeval attitude still so alive in 2024? I know it is not that black and white but fight back! There is education. Take it. Cultural - challenge it. Please.

Sparkle5 · 12/07/2024 20:48

I would tell your darling husband to be that yes one day you will lose the “fat” but he will forever be a nasty cunt!!!

azafata2 · 12/07/2024 20:50

Yes. Absolutely. I agree!

PinkyFlamingo · 12/07/2024 20:50

After reading your updates I'm feeling you will forgive him and marry him . More fool you

Mt61 · 12/07/2024 20:53

your weight will come off when you get rid of him, I promise!

DodoTired · 12/07/2024 20:57

I am so sorry:(

Dogsbreath7 · 12/07/2024 21:06

What’s your financial situation - do you need protection for the kids eg share/right in the house? If so marry him then file for a divorce. He deserves it.

size 16 is overweight not even obese. Is he Adonis?

how can you love him to bits? Have more self respect!

Margerinedreams6872 · 12/07/2024 21:12

You are missing out on a man who will treat you better. 15 years + 1 day with this prick is worse than 15 years.

SarahsHoneydew · 12/07/2024 21:28

Get rid, he’s vile!

Pelsall116 · 12/07/2024 21:32

Never mind HIM calling off the wedding - YOU call it off and run for the hills; you don't need a prick like this in your life

MeridianB · 12/07/2024 21:41

Staringatthewalljustmeagain · 12/07/2024 06:45

Really concerned by the excuses you’re making for him..

This. And what a disgusting role model these poor children have in him.

azafata2 · 12/07/2024 21:47

Crumbs...

VotesForWomen · 12/07/2024 21:49

The last 15 years wasn't for nothing, whatever happens next. They were happiness and support and they produced children and if it's time for it to finish then it wasn't all for nothing.

I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to marry a man who was able to make that type of comment to me. Your body has grown and fed his children ffs. He's cheerfully shagged you at every size I bet. These comments haven't come from nowhere - the mask has slipped. He has made his real feelings about your body, and your worth to him, known.

fetchacloth · 12/07/2024 21:55

I know this sounds awful, but if he's cancelling the wedding, how much worse off could you be OP?
He's a control freak guy who is going to make the rest of your life a misery.

BlueFlowers5 · 12/07/2024 22:03

Message all the family and guests saying the wedding is being called off because X says he won't marry you due to your weight.

Let others who love you both get it out of him what the real reason is.

Also he's gas lighting you and abusing you speaking to you last like that. Possibly preparing you so he can say and do as he wants.

Pootle23 · 12/07/2024 22:04

He’s using your weight as an excuse. There is no real reason why you’ve waited 15 years. He feels pressured into marriage and doesn’t want to so he’s blaming you. Very unpleasant behaviour on his part. Sorry you are going through this.

Tohaveandtohold · 12/07/2024 22:22

Your weight is just the excuse he’s using now. He’s stringing you along and you’re letting him. If he wanted to marry, he would have done this 15 years ago sorry.

Thisisgoingtobefun · 12/07/2024 22:52

Please value yourself more. Ditch this guy.
It will only be a future issue for him and your self esteem.

smilingontheinside · 12/07/2024 23:26

I've just read your post out to my partner and his first words were "dump the bastard", that's a man's point of view and he's a bloke type of bloke but said your chap is the sort that gives men a bad name 🤷

butterfly0404 · 12/07/2024 23:26

If you marry this pathetic excuse for man, trust me, you will regret it for the rest of your life. Run whilst you have the chance and never look back.

Mumof3confused · 12/07/2024 23:31

Where do you stand with shared assets if you are not married…?

newtoallthisshizzle · 12/07/2024 23:32

He’s looking for an excuse to call off the wedding without losing face to his family and friends. I would not marry him, otherwise you’ll be stuck later having to divorce him with a lot more hassle and baggage (if that makes sense). Call his bluff, tell him he can do that but you’ll make sure the real reason is made clear to guests. It sounds like a very one sided arrangement in his favour you’ve got there, and you’re not supported at all. I would defo not go ahead with the wedding until this can be cleared up. I’m sorry you’re going through this, he’s being a spineless cunt and trying to blame you which is really unfair. If you do just one thing, even if you stay together DON’T MARRY HIM!!

DiduAye · 12/07/2024 23:33

He's an abuser stop making excuses for him The only reason to marry him would be to divorce him and make sure you get half of everything as compensation for15 years of his shite! Have some self respect and dump him

T1Dmama · 12/07/2024 23:46

Cancel! Tell him to move out! .. DO IT FOR THE KIDS!!…. you are teaching your children that it’s fine for a man to be abusive to his partner.

Kjpt140v · 12/07/2024 23:57

You won't leave him, and you know you won't.

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