Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

In the nicest possible way, have some self-respect and leave this vile controlling pig. If he wants to call off the wedding because he believes you are too fat (which is essentially what he is saying), he doesn’t love you. If he loved you, he would want to marry you as you are.

The more I read your responses the more annoyed I am for you!

What exactly has he done for you other than belittle and allow you to believe he is supportive? He encouraged you take a job you don't like to be available to your child so he doesn't have too. He huffs cause you haven't lost weight- why do you need to? how does he view you? This is a prick of man! You might be healthy but it's only a matter of time before your emotional wellbeing is going to impact you. Furthermore, the feeling of wanting to get into the car to drive away is your nervous system literally communicating with you. The more you ignore the more damage you will do and become seriously unwell!! Your body is literally telling you to get the f**k out of this relationship....

Good luck with the wedding op - and for the next years to come, you're going to need it.

Sayng you’ve stood by him no matter what doesn’t sound very enticing. Do you mean you’ve stood by him despite him being a jerk?

As others have said why do you love him to bits?

Can you ever imagine being this cruel to him OP? Or to anyone for that matter? I can’t so please don’t allow this cruelty to you. Even if you find a way to excuse or even accept what he’s done, won’t it take the shine of what is supposed to be a momentous, happy occasion in your life?

It’s a lot to take in and at this late stage, you need time to really consider how this has changed things and how you should proceed.

I’m so sorry he did this 💐

How did he lose his own pregnancy acquired weight? Oh wait ..

First it was your job, now your weight: what’s next?

I don’t even know you but I am BEGGING you, do not marry this man! Jesus Christ almighty.

Exactly, ultimatums for the prize of this prince.

Is the wedding paid for? If so go ahead with it with all your family and friends but uninvite him.

Sounds to me like he wants you to be the one to call it off - he doesn't want to be responsible for it.

Has he always been a manipulator?

Honestly? I didn't read past the first few lines to know that you shouldn't marry this man.

Another poster suggested looking up sunk cost fallacy - What to do if your unhappy relationship is a case of 'sunk cost fallacy' | The Independent | The Independent

If you can afford to get some good talking therapy, and slowly rebuild your esteem and self worth, you may see him for what he really is - a sad little person inside, who needs to make you feel small, so he can feel big.

You deserve so much more than this.

Call off the Hen Do and the wedding now.

You can still take your time to consider the whole relationship as per a PP, but take charge.

Whatever the emotional and monetary cost of cancelling is absolutely nothing to the cost of a divorce.

Regardless of our shared history, the amount of love I felt for him or believed he felt for me, or the past support, hell would freeze over before I'd be a passenger in my own life like this.

Run and fast!!

Run… run faster than you ever have from this absolute idiot!!! I hope you’re ok OP! This is awful and he shouldn’t be acting like this.
I’m going to assume that he is some sort of amazing model carved by angels???? LOL

My heart is with you. I should have been marrying someone who I found out had been cheating. I’d been with him 6 years, no kids thank god. I that 6 years he was sulky, I got the silent treatment, he commented on my weight etc he wore me down. He was a bastard. I had my hen do etc and was to marry in 10 days when I though enough Of this shit and cancelled it all. Had dress, bridesmaids, venue, cars, cake, honeymoon, hair booked. But I cancelled and never looked back or regretted this! Please, you deserve better ❤️

Sod that, I couldn’t be with anyone who treated me like that. You are worth so much more, I’d be telling him you want to call it off then you’ll lose about 12 stone. Is he perfect physically?

Ditch him now this is the warning you need. If he does this before marriage what will he be like once he has a piece of paper that makes him think he owns you. If he is more bothered about your weight then I'm sorry he isn't a man. He's a moron who doesn't deserve you ditch him. Sell up and get away from the pig

Of course he realises the effect his negative comments have on you, that's why he's doing it!

He is beign manipulative and I think he tried to guilt trip you and make you beg and beg and stress and lose weight. You called his bluff.
Ditch the bastard and go for what would be hen do with your family.

What an utter bastard. I'd send the text to the family and tell them exactly what's going on. I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are worth more than this.

This is abuse and toxic behaviour, run for the hills , red flag !! Don’t marry him what an absolute asshole. You deserve better than this don’t settle for someone that treats you like this it will only get worse. My advice do some research on emotional abuse , toxic behaviour, narcissism it will open your eyes

Please don't let your children grow up thinking this abusive horror show is what a relationship is like and that it's ok for men to treat women this way. It will affect them forever. They will also grow up with disordered body image and possibly eating disorders.
Please respect yourself and protect them and leave. But as a previous poster said if you are not a joint owner of the house in law then marry him before you split.

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot what a bastard.

What is your financial situation? Do you own a home together that you are on the deeds for?

If you are I a precarious financial position then you might be better to marry him to give yourself some protections in divorce.

Then divorce him.