Me or friend

[Badassbreastfeeder85]

I went to visit my friend (L) with my 12 yo DS and 14 month old DD. Me and L have been friends about 20 years. She's recently had a guy (B) move in with her, she's known him 2 years after he messaged her on FB and they've had an on/off sexual relationship for 2 years,not exclusive and they now work for the same company. Prior to Saturday I've met him briefly 2 or 3 times,he's met my DD once. She had a contact nap and when she woke I went for a wee,I came downstairs to find DD laying on B lap and he'd finished changing her nappy, L was in the kitchen cooking,it's open plan flat but she was busy and had her back to the room. I was stunned,I stayed for a little while longer,on the drive home it bothered me significantly and the next day I messaged to say I found it inappropriate and unnecessary. She has reacted by saying some hurtful things and blocked me.
AIBU

It wasn't logical that he's abusing a baby infront of hes partner while the mothers taking a wee... it turns out the friend said the babies nappies full and needs changing inappropriate absolutely 100% but I'm very careful with implying life destroying accusations. He didn't leap at the chance to change this nappy he's partner suggested it she's a looney

This is so weird. I would go as far as calling the police to discuss with them. And she has two kids, too. Come on - I wouldn’t change my best friend’s baby nappy unless she asked me. It’s completely sick.

What planet are you on....!

But I didn't actually make any accusations just that I felt uncomfortable and felt it was unnecessary and inappropriate

I don't get how she even knew the nappy needing changing if she was busy cooking in the kitchen.

I would react like you did, @Badassbreastfeeder85 - what he did was wildly inappropriate.

Why? Because I agree it's inappropriate?

It's very concerning behaviour tbh. I can only think of sinister reasons why he'd change the nappy.

Why are they even remotely interested in the status of the baby's nappy? It's nothing to do with them.

Yes quite

I know that op after you posted the text but you're friend has gone mental thinking that you are alluding to something more sinister than inappropriate else she wouidnt of insulted you and blocked you. She shouid never of implied to him that she wanted him to change your child's nappy she's completely overstepped and he shouid of flatly refused.

This really weird, I’m a pretty laid back person but nobody outside of immediate family has changed any of my children’s nappies. Wildly inappropriate and his eagerness to do so is a huge red flag. My husband wouldn’t dream of changing the nappy of any child but his own.

There is no way on any God's earth that my DH (father of 4) would suddenly change a stranger's baby's nappy because I said it was full.
If this guy isn't a pervert (lets hope he isn't) he needs to learn this lesson quick and I can't quite believe he wouldn't know that it's bloody bang out of order.

Nope, YANBU. You were there, it could have waited a couple of minutes for you to come down to do it yourself. Strange bloke changing the nappy of a child that isn't his, he doesn't really know and doesn't have permission to? Nah.

She told her parents to see if she was being over protective and even though they don't like B they've said I'm being ridiculous so it's interesting to get unbiased views

he never should have done that, and I would trust your mother’s instinct.

Because you just think he's acting on the friend telling him it's full.....

Lots of things are not logical, and this is no exception. I'm recommending that OP protects her children as her instincts have already led her to do, not that she reports him to the police.

It doesn't matter what his motivation was. His action was wrong. And yes, this is one of those few rare instances where this is a plain old straightforward black-and-white issue.

The friend needs to see this thread. She's told her parents and they're taking her side, presumably because they're as weird as her

I wholeheartedly agree but he'd question it being bang out of order when he's Mrs it telling him to do it casually with the mom in ear shot. 👂 Absolutely wild overstep

I wouldn't be surprised if she's just said she told him to change it, to make it seem less bad that he did it of his own accord. In any case the whole thing just shows poor judgement on her part, and the way she's reacting tells me she's not a great friend and doesn't have great mothering instincts if she thinks this is normal or acceptable.

No normal man would happily change a baby's nappy. The way he did it as soon as you left the room and only for a wet nappy, very much suggests he IS a predator and got off on it somehow.

She would not be my friend anymore. She can endanger her own kids, no way I would ever let her around me or my kids ever again.

They will have had their account from L, don't forget.

I'd strongly question whether that view is necessarily unbiased.

I hope you’ve blocked her!!!

Are you very close with your friend? Has she ever changed either of your kids' nappies and so thought it was fine to say that her partner should? If not I have no idea how either of them thought it was ok unless she literally weed through everything while on his lap and they both needed to get changed (which it doesn't sound like).