Me or friend

[Badassbreastfeeder85]

I went to visit my friend (L) with my 12 yo DS and 14 month old DD. Me and L have been friends about 20 years. She's recently had a guy (B) move in with her, she's known him 2 years after he messaged her on FB and they've had an on/off sexual relationship for 2 years,not exclusive and they now work for the same company. Prior to Saturday I've met him briefly 2 or 3 times,he's met my DD once. She had a contact nap and when she woke I went for a wee,I came downstairs to find DD laying on B lap and he'd finished changing her nappy, L was in the kitchen cooking,it's open plan flat but she was busy and had her back to the room. I was stunned,I stayed for a little while longer,on the drive home it bothered me significantly and the next day I messaged to say I found it inappropriate and unnecessary. She has reacted by saying some hurtful things and blocked me.
AIBU

It came across as being on hes lap AFTER changing her if I'd of seen my nude baby on some random persons lap I'd of gone nuclear.... over and out.

No, it really doesn’t. He’d just finished changing her nappy on his lap.

Your reaction seems too little too late.

"Do right by the baby" describing you as "lazy"????

Who are these people?
It is one of the strangest things ever.
I wouldn't give a damn if you blow up their lives.
Don't touch other people's children if you don't want the consequences.
I sincerely hope this is only stupidity of an enormous level.
I certainly wouldn't ever want to hear from her again.
I also wouldn't hesitate to share what happened with mutual friends.
They are BOTH freaks.

Yes he'd just finished putting her nappy back on so i have no reason not to assume the change happened there,she wasnt naked when i came down tho so either he's the quickest nappy changer ever or he started as soon as I left the room,not sitting there with a baby in a poo filled nappy with me absent for half an hour and no other options as he was worried about her getting sore

You see this is why I've asked these questions the police will to. So ultimately you can't be 100% sure that her bare bottom was on hes lap? ( potentially right next to him on the sofa ) anyway, your doing the right thing 👌 I think it's worth seeing if he's registered as he may of violated the terms of hes release conditions. Do you have mutual friends with kids? If so have you warned them?

You're asking questions that OP has already addressed ages ago.

Why are you now telling her to see if he's registered when OP has already said she's filled in a Sarah's Law request and that the police have already contacted her?

I said she's doing the right thing others said it was ott, I've made no effort to engage with you at all yet here you are...

You know what I think is insane?

People thinking that there’s no need to call the police because a stranger put someone’s baby on their lap, with no changing mat, genitals in full view the moment their mother leaves the room.

edit - apologies I just saw from a previous comment you missunderstood and OP has already answered

The whole threads been confusing tbf to you lol.

Very inappropriate. Surely no one even picks up a baby without asking the parent? I never changed a grandchild’s nappy or fed them without being asked to. Even now I check it’s ok to give them sweets.

Or he’s just looking for an excuse as to why he wanted to undress a baby. Blame the mum - darvo type behaviour.

Im sorry OP, I’d drop the friend, she also sounds very defensive.

That was at best weird of him to do that. You were right to say something.

I’m thinking back to when mine and my sister’s kids were all babies together and nope, I wouldn’t have taken it upon myself to change my niece and nephew’s nappies if my sister had only left the room to go for a wee. Same with my friends children. Might shout up and ask if they want me to change baby or whatever at the most.

It’s a shame your friend reacted the way she did but that’s very much her problem.

I wouldn't even change a friends babys nappy if they had gone to the toilet for a quick pee. Different if you had gone out. It's weird and I don't think YABU.

Sounds to me like he snatched his moment as quick as he could, baby was changed on his lap by the time OP came down from the bathroom. No man, a father, would change the nappy of a child in that way on his lap. I never changed kids on my lap, with the worry of a random wee or poo??

As a father he'd know it was inappropriate. This man didn't care.

OP, you are exactly right in your reaction and decisions and I'm feel for you having to go through this. Stuff your friend, she should be in your corner.

YANBU
i would be furious if a man I hardly knew changed my child’s nappy
How upsetting for you - what the hell went through his mind thinking that was ok!
Fucking weirdo!

No, no, no, no, no. This is absolutely not okay or normal care. Report and ask for an investigation into their past. So many children are at risk and it keeps happening because we can’t believe it is possible, or we are overreacting! Trust your instincts. This is not normal. If it was normal they would have checked with you or understood that it is not appropriate. It is absolutely predatory to wait for a care giver to be gone before initiating personal care to a baby. Read it as it is, please.

I feel really emotional tonight, 20 years of friendship

It sucks but at least you won’t waste any more time on a friendship that isn’t right. It’s possible as well that down the line your friend may see where you’re coming from. I can understand you feeling emotional, you’ve been through an awful experience. You’ve definitely done the right thing and if (worst case scenario) this guy IS dodgy, you could be helping to protect other kids from being hurt by him and that’s something to be proud of.

OP, I don't want to worry you but when you meet with the police ask them to check his phone. I'd be worried about that he had taken or shared photos.
And ditch your friend, she's too naive to be trusted with your kids.

I'm sorry about your friendship.
You've done all the right things.
How gutting.

this woman was never your friend
I'm a victim of abuse. I have been abused multiple times in rooms full of people.
abusers take every opportunity and are often very practised at what they do
I can't see a single logical reason for him to do that. he literally took that few minutes window while you went upstairs.
I'm so sorry you are going through this

Did they think you were neglecting the baby and took it upon themselves to change the nappy?

@Badassbreastfeeder85 YANBU. It is extremely inappropriate and a massive red flag that a stranger would take it upon themselves to change a baby’s/child’s nappy the moment the parent leaves the room and goes to the toilet.

I think that your friend is in denial about this man. It is, unfortunately, the kind of behaviour that predators commonly engage in. And it is not unusual for them and the people around them to trivialise it and regard it as innocent.

Most people who notice a baby/child in need of a nappy change would wait for the parent to come back from the bathroom and just simply inform them. And then leave it up to the parent to deal with it.

You've lost her to nothing but her own desperation for a man who by all accounts she's chasing like a lapdog he's chosen someone who's a glorified f buddy over you 👎 I also lost a 20+ year friendship to a friend who i trusted completely, he was a trader and when I'd decided to have lots of plastering/decorating done he was like I'll do it!! Long story short he took £1000 off me ( for materials payment upfront ) anyway after months of being fucked around he blocked me! I felt stupid/humiliated/cheated/devastated! In hindsight that was my worth to him and he can fuck right off! Your worth to her is abit of 🍆 to some creep who gives no fucks about her! It hurts today but you are well rid she's behaving like dorian from birds of a feather!