Me or friend

[Badassbreastfeeder85]

I went to visit my friend (L) with my 12 yo DS and 14 month old DD. Me and L have been friends about 20 years. She's recently had a guy (B) move in with her, she's known him 2 years after he messaged her on FB and they've had an on/off sexual relationship for 2 years,not exclusive and they now work for the same company. Prior to Saturday I've met him briefly 2 or 3 times,he's met my DD once. She had a contact nap and when she woke I went for a wee,I came downstairs to find DD laying on B lap and he'd finished changing her nappy, L was in the kitchen cooking,it's open plan flat but she was busy and had her back to the room. I was stunned,I stayed for a little while longer,on the drive home it bothered me significantly and the next day I messaged to say I found it inappropriate and unnecessary. She has reacted by saying some hurtful things and blocked me.
AIBU

Why does it keep being repeated on the thread that the OPs friend asked the bf to change the nappy when the OP posted already to say that the friend didn’t ask ? Weird. Regardless OP you have been well advised by your friend to do the Sarah’s Law request - massive red flag 🚩 and despite the GF’s reaction to you in shooting the messenger there may be other things that come to her mind as being suspect that she wouldn’t have thought before.

You are not over reacting at all, OP. A man you barely know took it upon himself to undress and change your child's nappy on his lap while you were out of the room for a few minutes. I don't care if he has a phobia about nappies that are not spotlessly clean, that is totally crossing a line, and any decent bloke would know that. Your friend is just casting around for excuses and I wouldn't be bothering with her anymore.

Even as a women I wouldn’t do this. Not even for my nieces. I will change them if I’m the adult in change but not if one of their parents is about. It feels like it doesn’t respect their dignity and right to privacy.

Will the police talk to you about him if you're not the one dating this guy?

Me too, plus the fact that the OP had only gone to the loo for matter of minutes and not gone to the shops for 2 hours, it's almost as if the opportunity was seized whilst she was out the room, grim but that's how I see it. I would have gone ballistic OP, the thought of a random man who I hardly know changing my baby's nappy and seeing her private parts is just horrible..

You've used the word weird bizzare and inappropriate ALL over the thread me asking if he's being accused of being a predator means is he being accused of more than the nappy change clearly
Over and out.

Yes. You have the right to request this information if you are worried about a friend, a child, a relative etc and yourself.

Re-read your posts op and I just think it's creepy as f.

Without either of them feeling a full and weighty nappy he's decided in an instant that this moment has to be when the nappy was changed.

She says she commented it needed changing but also says he thought you'd left it too long and was disapproving... This convo and the nappy changed all managed to taken in the time it took you to relieve yourself and come back.

He's helped himself to the stuff out of your bag...

Even if this was Mary blimmin Poppins herself it would be a weird thing given this adult and you barely know one another.

I would never step in to do something like that for the child of someone I hardly know. Never mind in the one micro window available while they're on the loo.

Just odd as odd can be.

The friend did not ask him to change the nappy. He took it upon himself to do it.

The more I think about this, the more I think he may have been an opportunist. It's too odd to be normal behaviour

she said she had said it needs changing as its full,

From Op's comments.

This post the OP says she didn’t ask him to change her though ?

Look, either way he shouldn't have done it - I'm 100% not disputing that and I would no longer trust my kids round either of them.

I'm saying it sounds more like the pair of them were judging the OP for not changing her daughter for hours or as soon as she woke up so took it upon themselves to do it, Why else would the friend say that nappy needs changing when the OP wasn't there? If someone said that to me the second the parent left the room I'd assume they were either being bitchy or suggesting I do it because they were busy.

I would absolutely not do it though, I would always ask the parent even if it was my niece or nephew.

OP, I would be absolutely raging.

The circumstances you describe, in my opinion make it a red flag for me.

I'm not even saying it was 100% 'sexual interest' (let's give some benefit of doubt here) but it was definitely rapid enough to be 'satisfying his own curiosity' in some way.

May be the only time he has seen a baby girl, himself having two boys.

My heart would be pounding and I would have had to demand WTF was going on 😡

I can understand you being taken aback by it, and agree it was inappropriate. Inappropriate in the sense of it being a gross misjudgement, and in today's day and age he should have known better and waited for you to return, as should your friend.

However, I don't think it makes him a predator or merited a report or a call to the police. He changed a child's nappy in a room where your friend was and because she asked him to.

Have you actually read the thread and subsequent updates?! Because what you've said makes absolutely no sense at all! 🙄

I am so sorry OP and I really hope it is resolved to your satisfaction but I have given this situation some thought and my eldest being 25, I really cannot imagine this happening back then, it is such a complete and utter No No....
I have actually never heard of such a situation arising as it is so completely inappropriate.

One of my sons does summer camps as a university student and we were only talking about HIM protecting HIMSELF from EVER putting himself in a situation that could be thought of as inappropriate.

For example if a child needs the loo, they need to bring TWO friends with them as my son remains OUTSIDE the loos completely.

Me as a mum wouldn't dream of ever changing a child unasked by the child's mother.
I feel so sorry for you.
You have 100% done the right thing.

This a massive overstep. Being over keen to change a Childs nappy particularly if the child is not your own is a red flag for being a sex offender. OP, I think you also need to suspect your friend. I would contact the police or social service to share my concerns - nothing will happen. However, if something similar happens in future, the authorities can investigate further.

I don't think the friendship will survive this incident tbf

I’ve never changed a baby on my lap either - would grab a towel or have used folded paper towel if there wasn’t a changing mat to lay baby down in front of me. Might just be me but if a nappy was that spectacularly full it needed immediately changing I’d prefer not to risk the contents making their way onto my lap - I think that’s what is also giving me the creeps

My dd works in a nursery setting with enhanced dbs. She isn't changing nappies yet..
A strange man - because he is a stranger to you and your dd - took opportunity to undress your dd and touch her genitals.. Even with a wipe he still touched her.. I have posted under a nc upthread and feel quite sick... Your mate is deluded..

He’s being accused of behaving inappropriately and demonstrating poor boundaries.

And that was what I was checking with op in my original comment. It was Is the accusations inappropriate/over stepping lunatic or was it implied to the friend that he's an actual predator.

OP sent friend a text saying she felt uncomfortable with it and it wasn’t appropriate. Nothing accusatory as such.

Well truthfully it is a serious consideration based on his behaviour.