To let almost 10 year old DD walk to Greggs

[LiarLiarKnickersAblaze]

We live in a medium sized city on a terraced street. At end & within sight of house is a Greggs. One small road to cross by our house (not a main road - small road between terraced houses). We've been trying to teach DD almost 10 some responsibility to get her ready for walking & travelling to school in Yr6 and then secondary. For context she is v tall and mature for her age. We let her pop to Greggs sometimes (about once a month) to get a sausage roll for breakfast. No issues so far however DD said this morning that they were asking questions like 'where's your Mum?'.

DD doesn't fully know this because trying to build her confidence but I still stand outside house and watch her from the porch, cross the small road and watch her walk in and then walk out then home. By this point I relocate to the window and have full line of sight of her walk.

AIBU?

Edit for context: it is 40 metres-ish away.

Well walking to a corner shop at 10 is fine and to be encouraged but greggs for breakfast? 🤢

It's perfectly fine. Tell her to reply with "just outside" if they ask again. No one round here would bat an eyelid at a nine year old in a shop.

Of course this is fine as is a sausage roll for breakfast.

She loves a sausage roll. Banning & judging food & occasional treats is a worse lesson to teach IMO.

Its once a month, not every day

OP, its fine - my 9 year old has walked home from school with her 11 year old brother (half a mile) a few times, and scoots up and down in front of our house to a distance of probably more than 40m

Sounds fine to me and how lucky are you to have a Greggs so close.

It's fine.

A bit overkill to watch her though ...

Why bother?

This sort of thing is normal from Yr4ish here.

A couple of weeks ago I saw the shopkeeper happily spend a few minutes helping a pair of 8/9yos count their sweet money to work out what to buy.

Honestly it's fine it's literally across the road .

Would a Gregg's for lunch bother you?

My anxiety is a whole other thread!

Think this is absolutely fine
what a wonderful parent you are in watching her but still letting her feel grown up

ps love Greggs- nothing wrong with that occasionally!

Jeez

YANBU for letting her walk to a Greggs at the top of the road.

Who's asking "where's your mum"?

If it's a male or female shop assistant that's worked there for a while and recognises her from normally coming in with you, then I wouldn't be concerned.

If it's someone that's giving her the creeps then maybe go in with her next time to check them out?

Why would you need to watch a 10 year old walk 40m away?

They're either old enough to pop to shops on their own, or they aren't 🤷‍♀️

The walking is fine.
The sausage roll for breakfast isn't ideal as it's pretty much empty of decent nutrition, but it's fine as a rare treat.
Regarding 'where's your mum?' don't teach her to lie, just tell her to say 'just down the road, she's waiting for me/knows where I am'.

If it’s only once it’s happened it is just one member of staff. Maybe just making conversation or maybe just checking she’s ok (a sausage roll for breakfast is unusual eg could be worried she has been left alone overnight no food in house etc) If your dc is happy doing it carry on it.

Where I live kids are encouraged to walk to and from middle school (from yr 5) which is about a 15 min walk and crosses over several roads.
They do walk in groups but independence is encouraged

Totally normal and fine. From start of year 5 children can walk home from school alone here (also live in a city), so a 10 year walking to a shop so nearby is clearly within reasonable steps to independence.

The dairy (corner shop) near me make an absolute killing in the morning from the high school kids that go in on their way to school for a meat pie.

It's absolutely fine for her to do that walk OP, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I would get her to tell anyone who asks "where is your mum" to say "just outside, she always watches me to make sure I'm fine" regardless of whether you are actually there or not. A bit like as a woman at home I never admit to being in the house alone. My husband is "always upstairs working".

Seems fine to me, glad the Greggs visit is only once a month though. I would put the question of where is mum down to kindness nothing more.

Get her to reply ‘where’s yours’ 🤣🤣🤣

Joke obviously. There is no problem with this. She’s 10 and will soon need to get herself to and from school. She is hardly catching a train into London is she?

Thing is, certain people feel entitled to say stuff to/treat children who are alone in a very, very different way to how they’d treat a woman of 40.

My dd, who is 16, was recently in a shop with a friend. Staff - 4 men - seemed to be all bunched up together (not sure why, perhaps some sort of break or talk) and they looked at my dd and her friend and said “you better not shoplift”. They wanted one item! Which obviously they intended to pay for and did pay for. I can’t imagine any situation where I go into a shop and am told not to shoplift.

At her age, I'd expect her to have greater freedom than going to Gregg's once a month on her home with you standing watching her.
It's infantalising her and allowing your anxiety to control an older child's natural progression towards independence.