To be jealous of DH work routine?

[Notamorning]

AIBU to be jealous of DH's lifestyle? I work in the city, have an hour commute door to door each way my day is typically 12 hours out of the house daily. I'm in a client facing corporate role so little opportunity to WFH and the closest I get to dress down is black jeans and pumps on a Friday.
DH is FT WFH, unless he is travelling internationally which is once every 8 weeks post COVID.
I'm just shattered from the commute and the effort that every day seems to take, I always have to be corporate so I can't just roll out of bed and throw anything on, hair has to be done, make up etc. I'm always at the whim of public transport which will throw my day out in an instant. I'm constantly carrying my life around with me, go to the gym either morning / lunch / after work
On the flip side, DH is still in bed whilst i'm getting ready, he gets up at a reasonable time, can sleep in if he's tired or not feeling great. Can walk the dog / go to the gym when his diary allows. Throw on anything and still look presentable in front of clients. He never needs to think about multiple outfits for the next day - if I'm at an event after work for example.
When I walk in the door he's generally started dinner (which is great) so I get changed and come and help, but don't feel like I get any time through the week to switch off. We menu plan on the weekend, so he doesn't need to think what to make / just follow the list.
I get that this is corporate life, and part of what I want from my career but bloody hell what I wouldn't give to just have a few weeks of his routine for a rest!
When it gets to the weekends he wants to go out and I just want some down time as I feel like I've been 'on' all week, the last thing I want to see is the city.

Now the DC are at Uni I go straight to my room when I get in from work and chill

Candle lit, music on, make up off,read a bit, a few stretches, change into lounging clothes, do nails etc
Maximum an hour
Won’t solve it all for you but it helps me immensely

Tbh your dh's lifestyle sounds similar to mine so my salary (national average) reflects that. I have no idea how much you both earn, but it sounds like you might be the higher earner. I'm a sole parent. So I can't have the all singing/dancing career. I need the flexibility so I avoid the high profile roles where my life would effectively be forfeit.

It all comes down to choice op and honestly there's no such thing as 'having it all'.

Can you not change jobs/apply for a WFH job @Notamorning ???

I WFH now (3 days a week, admin job, been doing WFH since 2020,) and I would never - I mean NEVER go back.

If you envy his lifestyle could you get a similar job?

I do a version of this (and I still have dc at home). I am out of commission until I've had my hour.

Dh WFH but in reality he puts in way more hours than I do. I wouldn't trade.

Change your job?

There probably is an element of "grass is always greener" here I think.
Me and DH are the other way around. He goes to the office and I WFH. I HATE it and honestly I'd swap with him in a heartbeat. Yes commuting is shit but I hate being stuck at home all the time. I feel like my world is so small and it's claustrophobic. I always want to go out and do stuff at the weekend because I've been stuck in the house all week but he's not interested!
Also the one at home generally has to do all the admin in my experience. So DH will get a lunchbreak and often use that to go to the gym. I'll work through most days so that I can use my "lunch" break to do the school run. I also am the default one to take time out of my day for anything home / kid / pet related. He gets to just walk out of the house and not think about anything except work till he gets home in the evening.
It doesn't help that I'm an extrovert and I really don't like being alone all day. I miss working with my colleagues.
Having said that I can see that I am lucky not to have to commute every day and have a certain amount of flexibility over my hours.

I'm the higher earner, there is an 80k gap between us. My job is literally impossible to do at 100% remote, too much site and face time is required.
He was the higher earner whilst I climbed the ladder, we have an age gap and he inspired me to really push myself. He used to travel constantly so it's now his turn to take a step back and for me to take the financial burden to a degree. I'm very lucky to be paid what I am, I enjoy my job just not the grind of the logistics around it.

What do you like about your job? Does it compensate well? Can you apply for different jobs?

Changing jobs isn't an option, I've recently landed my 'dream' job so I'm not going anywhere, I love the work, the industry, my salary. I just like not to get up at 6am everyday.

You're highly compensated and get to work your dream job. That's the trade off. A lot of people would absolutely love to work in a job that they could describe as "dream job" and be well paid for it. It can suck sometimes to wake up early and do the commute. But concentrate on the positive!

Well I don't know what you want is to say then sorry.

Move house closer to work?

I get it. I am the same, I’m usually 4 out of 5 days in office. Although I don’t have to be too dressed up and I drive (however it’s 30 miles away). It’s tiring but I remind myself I wouldn’t have had these thoughts about wfh before Covid
dh works at home but that means the bulk of childcare pick up and drop off falls with him. There’s pros and cons to both i think

Are you earning enough to move closer to your workplace?

I work long days in a low paying job that isn’t my dream job. It is tough. I get that it is exhausting and you feel like others have it easier but it sounds like you work as a team so you’re not stuck with all the rest at weekends.

Concentrate on being happy that you have got where you are and it’s where you want to be. The less enjoyable stuff is the thing that allows you to be there.

Why do you go and help him make dinner when you get home?

Why not just relax - however you like, go for a lie down, watch TV, read a book, go for a walk?

Is reducing your commute an option?

Not sure what to suggest, OP. You don’t want to change job, so it is what it is. I appreciate people need to vent, so that’s fine, but … yeah, this is your life.

It’s fair to be jealous of that; DH and I have the same dynamic but I’m the one working from home and often I’m a bit lonely by evenings or weekends but he’s so tired he wants to chill out. We’ve also done it when we were both out like you and that made it even harder to keep the house running

you can’t wfh even one day a week? That seems unusual post covid, even in ‘corporate’ sectors.

It sounds like you have no DC, so as a PP suggests would focus on things to help you Mon to Fri.

With respect to the ‘financial burden’, that is a huge pay gap between you. Does your H still earn a reasonable amount and have enough pension for whenever he becomes eligible for it? Asking because if not wondering if that could account for your resentment.

My only thoughts are that he should be doing all the cooking and meal planning, if his day is that much shorter than yours. None of the getting in and helping him. Give yourself a bit of downtime to avoid burnout.

Also, the gym and associated hassle seems to stress you out. Could you buy yourself some home gym equipment eg pelaton and some free weights and work out from home sometimes? Or just reduce your gym going by one or two a week and go for an evening run instead?

Basically just take back some time for yourself.

Also 6am isn’t that early!

We have a similar set up, as in I commute to the City and DH works from home most of the time. I used to hate the commute, but now I love it as I try to use it as some downtime. I catch up on tv, social media, read, listen to music or a podcast. Are you using yours to work?

If you are in a dream role, then I think you need to try and embrace it a bit more, it has to come with compromise somewhere. I’m sure you wouldn’t earn a much smaller salary so you could spend another hour in bed and don’t have to get dressed up daily.

Unless you move closer to work to shorten the commute or stay over in the city I think you're going to have to suck it up in the short term.

Once you're where to you want to be in the hierarchy you can relax a bit. Congratulations on being in mostly a great place.

Just posting to make yourself feel better @Notamorning I do the same as you and husband does similar to yours but works a few evenings a week which means I do EVERYTHING myself! Some days I get up at 4.50 to walk the dog then I come home to care for my little ones which means I don’t get any time to myself until about 9.30. I dropped a day as my salary increased is there anyway to do that?

Move house closer to work?
Use some of the salary bump for a personal trainer instead of going to the gym?
Get a taxi for part of the commute?
Get a wheely case for all your things on days when you’re carrying a lot?
Buy an extra week of annual leave and give yourself a day off every now and then?
Ask about working compressed hours or 0.9?