To be jealous of DH work routine?

[Notamorning]

AIBU to be jealous of DH's lifestyle? I work in the city, have an hour commute door to door each way my day is typically 12 hours out of the house daily. I'm in a client facing corporate role so little opportunity to WFH and the closest I get to dress down is black jeans and pumps on a Friday.
DH is FT WFH, unless he is travelling internationally which is once every 8 weeks post COVID.
I'm just shattered from the commute and the effort that every day seems to take, I always have to be corporate so I can't just roll out of bed and throw anything on, hair has to be done, make up etc. I'm always at the whim of public transport which will throw my day out in an instant. I'm constantly carrying my life around with me, go to the gym either morning / lunch / after work
On the flip side, DH is still in bed whilst i'm getting ready, he gets up at a reasonable time, can sleep in if he's tired or not feeling great. Can walk the dog / go to the gym when his diary allows. Throw on anything and still look presentable in front of clients. He never needs to think about multiple outfits for the next day - if I'm at an event after work for example.
When I walk in the door he's generally started dinner (which is great) so I get changed and come and help, but don't feel like I get any time through the week to switch off. We menu plan on the weekend, so he doesn't need to think what to make / just follow the list.
I get that this is corporate life, and part of what I want from my career but bloody hell what I wouldn't give to just have a few weeks of his routine for a rest!
When it gets to the weekends he wants to go out and I just want some down time as I feel like I've been 'on' all week, the last thing I want to see is the city.

You love your work, the industry and your extremely high salary but resent getting up at 6am 5 days a week?

sometimes people don’t recognise how fortunate they are. You sound extremely lucky - not to say you don’t work hard I’m sure you do- but come on.

I only work 5 minutes away from home (although have to do the school run first) and nowhere near as high flying as you but have a similar issue with DH.

I am at work 5 days a week and then several evenings (volunteering). DH WFH most days and does also do the volunteering too but as he is 'relaxed' during the week and athough working has time to do all his little errands, chill, and therefore isnt really having any 'social' time by the time the weekend comes around he is despearte to go 'out' for a long hike or do something whereas because I have been out of the house all week and having to be 'on' I just want to chill and also catch up on all the housework, shopping, admin, laundry I havent had time or energy to do in the week. He then thinks I am 'boring'

You’re on £80,000 MORE than him- and you’re complaining about a commute?! Jesus op, I’m not sure you realise how good you’ve got it! Presumably he’s earning pretty well anyway, especially if he’s well skilled and working full time. It’s not long ago when the vast majority of office jobs involved dressing smart and a commute.

I work 50 hours a week for my wage of £65,000 and I count myself incredibly lucky. I can’t WFH either but my driving commute is short. The money you’re on, AND the fact it’s your ‘dream job’ makes you much luckier/more savvy than 99.9% of the rest of us. Either get on with it and enjoy it, or make changes- the ball is entirely in your court.

Move closer to where you work.
I assume you're not planning on children if there is a very large age gap?
It's quite good to not be WFH, lots more socialising opportunities and this is very handy if you get end up single.

Sorry I forgot to add - the reason I ask about children it means you can move to central London etc without worrying about schools and other constraints.

If you're earning oodles of cash could you move closer?

Or rent a weekday room close to work so that your commute is much shorter?

I agree though it's probably a case of grass is always greener.

I hope you're not also doing all the donkey housework on top of this.

The thing is, this level of wfh is relatively new so in the pre-Covid days, you'd likely to both be out of the house and you'd deal with the downsides because (mostly) everyone would be in the same boat.

As they say - comparison is the thief of joy

Doesn't your DH get isolated / lonely/ find it hard to focus all day / miss rl colleagues? There's a lot of
Pluses to wfh but surely there are downsides too

I totally agree with this!

I don't get the point of being envious when this is a role you have chosen?

Stay overnight closer to your job a couple of nights a week to lessen the commute impact on you?

I get it OP. It feels relentless. Some of my colleagues WFH permanently and I can’t due to slightly differing role. Long commute, exhausted by end of day.

Can you drop one day a week and take a pay hit? Condense hours so you get one day a week/one day a fortnight off?

If moving nearer work is out, there's a few tweaks you could make to help. Most would require throwing money at the problem, but it sounds like you earn a lot and otherwise love your job, so worth it to avoid burnout.

Keep a number of gym kits at work, cut down on need to change/was hthem other than weekend. Or if work not suitable to store them, paid for locker at gym. I'd say the same for evening outfits/shoes. If you're a city worker in high paid job surely storing things at work is possible.

The planning meals every weekend sounds a drag. Could you do a healthy meal kit delivery some weeks, cut that out. Also then avoid the preparing food with dh, use that as time to chill. Or alternatively just don't join him for the meal prep.

This is the biggest throw money at the problem, but occasionally book into a hotel in the city for 2 to 3 nights per week right by your work, cut out the commute altogether for short periods.

Sometimes you're so in your routine and resigned to your fate that it doesn't even occur to people that some minor changes could make a big difference. You can't put a price on health. The fact you love your job but need an outlet on here for the additional stresses it brings, would tell me you need to make adjustments now before it becomes overwhelming.

I get up at 6am and take a 40 minute bus ride to and from work. I get scratched most days, sometimes nipped and clients can be absolute cunts sometimes. All for minimum wage, but nonetheless I adore my job and wouldn't want to do anything else.

My other half works from home and works about 3 hours a day but earns much more than me, but I don't care because I love my job.

If you're pissed off then it's not your dream job. Plus if the men don't need make up then neither do you.

Good grief.

I think your dh should take over the meal planning, food shopping and cooking tbh.

Why ruin your Sunday doing meal
planning? He can take that on surely? Especially as you have done it with him up to this point. He must know the ropes.

It’s a shame you can’t have one day a week working at home, as that would help a lot.

Thanks all, I get that I'm hugely fortunate. Moving house isn't an option, we built our home and it's our home for now. I guess I'm just tired. I'm in a cab home from work at 10pm....(not uk)

@Notamorning - you are allowed to have a little moan. However, you don’t want to change anything! There’s little more irritating than people moaning about their lot, yet in the same breath saying they wouldn’t change anything about it. You just have to put up with it. What do you do, out of pure nosiness?

If I have to attend the office a lot in 1 week I will have the middle night, say Wednesday in a hotel next to the office. The long evening by myself and late breakfast after a lay in is amazing! and you can still have full days in the office and not feel so bad. Highly recommended (not cheap, but if you can afford it then it's great).

Anyone would be tired working the hours you do - maybe you need to be realistic about how sustainable it is long-term.

If you dont like it why not just change jobs?

If you're complaining about your dream job you'd also be complaining about WFH.

You know that your options are doing something about it or sucking it up.

I'm probably being more grumpy than literally wanting to turn my life upside down.
Love Mumsnet sometimes....so your feeling overwhelmed - sell your house and move jobs. Like those activities aren't adding to the mental load......

I wouldn't describe moving jobs or house as "turning your life upside down".

But I do know from experience that working long days like you describe isn't sustainable long-term for most of us. I suspect there's a very good reason that your DH doesn't do it anymore.

I think this is why pure venting posts don't work on internet forums. There is no point to them.

I've worked 12 hours for most of my life, DH works similarly long but sometimes compressed hours. I'm shattered.