To be jealous of DH work routine?

[Notamorning]

AIBU to be jealous of DH's lifestyle? I work in the city, have an hour commute door to door each way my day is typically 12 hours out of the house daily. I'm in a client facing corporate role so little opportunity to WFH and the closest I get to dress down is black jeans and pumps on a Friday.
DH is FT WFH, unless he is travelling internationally which is once every 8 weeks post COVID.
I'm just shattered from the commute and the effort that every day seems to take, I always have to be corporate so I can't just roll out of bed and throw anything on, hair has to be done, make up etc. I'm always at the whim of public transport which will throw my day out in an instant. I'm constantly carrying my life around with me, go to the gym either morning / lunch / after work
On the flip side, DH is still in bed whilst i'm getting ready, he gets up at a reasonable time, can sleep in if he's tired or not feeling great. Can walk the dog / go to the gym when his diary allows. Throw on anything and still look presentable in front of clients. He never needs to think about multiple outfits for the next day - if I'm at an event after work for example.
When I walk in the door he's generally started dinner (which is great) so I get changed and come and help, but don't feel like I get any time through the week to switch off. We menu plan on the weekend, so he doesn't need to think what to make / just follow the list.
I get that this is corporate life, and part of what I want from my career but bloody hell what I wouldn't give to just have a few weeks of his routine for a rest!
When it gets to the weekends he wants to go out and I just want some down time as I feel like I've been 'on' all week, the last thing I want to see is the city.

Or just live on your own.
Would solve almost any problem.
😁

I understand OP. I am a teacher, and whilst my core hours are shorter than dh’s, I’ve always envied the actual structure of his working day and workload. But it’s swings and roundabouts - I get the holidays etc and he doesn’t. Similarly, you earn a lot more than your dh so it is what it is. But the occasional vent can feel good!

Lots of us get up before 6am and work evenings and weekends, risking (and from time to time experiencing) physical attacks in the workplace and taking responsibility for life and death situations all outside the home, for not much more than the national average wage (and many for a lot less) to put it in perspective for you 😜

I assume you're just having a little bit of a complain because you're tired and his life looks easy, and that's fine btw , but you know really that you've chosen the life you have and are extremely well paid and could change career and tighten your belt metaphorically if you actually genuinely wanted to (just as I could resign and sell my soul and get an office job (again, I did that for four years way back) if I genuinely believed I would be able to get out of bed in the morning and go to a job which had no other point aside from generating money, and wouldn't slide into a cycle of existential ennui "what's the point?")...

A bit of a whinge now and then is what lots of us need, but then we remember that for all the downsides we often wouldn't actually swap...

My husband earns twice what I do for a 90% home office job with shorter hours than mine, so sometimes you get to be the one out all day and the one earning less, because society knows the price of everything but not necessarily the value... IMO

Have a night in the city once a week.

That’s a good idea. I would treat myself. Even to a premier inn on occasion! Just to have no commute and to experience peace and quiet alone. Once a week or a month depending on finances.

I now work hybrid. But I think I was fitter when getting the tube and walking to my work in London every day of the week. I kind of miss it.

Not sure the point of your post, either suck it up or get a new job? Money / career isn’t everything, I’d much rather do my ok paid job and enjoy my life. No one dies wishing they worked more.

Surely you realised you wouldn't be able to do all that when you took a highly paid "dream job" requiring a commute and constant physical presence?

Part of any dream job, as well as the role itself for me is the lifestyle it allows while you are actually doing the job. I earn a good salary working for a small association as a lawyer, only two days in the office and mostly WFH. I do yoga, go to the gym three times a week, run, and have a dog, and I couldn't do all that when I was commuting all the time. I could earn six figures in a law firm but would have to give up any family and spare time, would put weight on and my health would go to pot with the stress, and I'd be lucky to make retirement let alone ever get to enjoy any extra money. As a high earner you have a lot more choices than many- lots of people work very hard in stressful and unpleasant lower paid roles. I've had close relatives die age 31, 46, fifties, my mum is still going in her 80s but had a heart attack in her 50s which made her quickly change her priorities (and stop smoking!)

If you are having these thoughts all the time then have a think whether this really is your dream job and what you really want from life.

I had this perhaps v much worse, I used to wake up at 5am, exdh was asleep when I left for work I got home at 8, 9pm . Had an hour commute and was perhaps v much capable at 27-32. But it all took its toll and we divd.

If you love your job you need to start enjoying what it presents to you. Maybe not help with dinner. But you go out ,meet people, earn well. And are probably healthy and fitter than your dh as even a commute requires a greater level of fitness than what was once thought

I suppose everyone is different but for me commuting daily made it much harder to fit in exercise and eat properly.

Take a break. I had a 6 week sabbatical last year and I got so bored of the domestic drudgery I was very happy to snap back into my work routine. Even a couple of weeks (unpaid if you have to) leave to recharge would probably help, and you’ll appreciate the upsides more.

You need to leverage the commute for relaxation- headphones, eyes closed, meditation or audiobooks.

Rethink the gym, so you aren't carrying your life with you.

Stay over at a cheapy hotel a couple of nights a week- or get a room in a colleague's house.

There's no point envying DH.

Concentrate on being happy that you have got where you are and it’s where you want to be. The less enjoyable stuff is the thing that allows you to be there.

Exactly. Before all this wfh lark started, everyone went into work every day. The majority still do. Like pp said wfh can make your world feel claustrophobic.

Move closer or just decide to be grateful that you're very well paid in your dream job?

Feels a bit too much like your diamond shoes are too tight to me.

What are you hoping to get from this thread then?

FWIW, I’m in corporate real estate and I WFH 50% of the week so it’s definitely possible and in my sector fairly standard. The industry had to shift post covid to keep people here.

Sounds like you're physically and mentally exhausted, I was feeling like this so decided to make changes to my diet. I switched caffeine for matcha and increased my water intake and introduced a daily electrolyte that I mix in water. I also started taking vitamin b12 and magnesium glycinate supplements. Absolute game changer, I have more energy, I'm thinking clearer and I don't mind the long day & work commute. I feel so much better.

Could you cut one day off your working week to allow you a day relaxing at home -then you may feel more like going out at the weekend ?
No point I having money if you have no time to enjoy it .

Is it really a dream job if you're exhausted all the time and never have any time to yourself? It all sounds a bit miserable and like you're just running on a hamster wheel to me.

Flip the thinking in your head... imagine his day

Wife goes offto wprk. Thats the last face he sees all day long until you return

His day is exactly the same no afterwork events, no need to get dressed up, the only conversation he is having is with the dog

Sounds utterly tedious while you have your dream job and high salary

Do you really have to power dress every day? Nowadays most jobs are rather more relaxed and realistic, and don't expect the full make-up and hair thing for women every day.

I understand corporate life as the spouse of someone in a much less stressful role very well. Do you have to be on client sites all day every day? Even one day a week WFH without a commute or once in a while would be a help.

If you can't move jobs then move house imo - closer to the office and reduce the burden of the commute.

What you describe as tedious sounds absolutely idyllic to me

Keep gym kit at work? Keep shoes at work? Buy lunch? Work from home Fridays?
If you are senior negotiate a late start one day? Suggest wellness time/days?

I'm jealous of my husbands work routine but I do not earn squillions and do not have my dream job

I think you're winning at life OP. And if you want to change it it sounds like you're in a position to. You're in an enviable position that you can choose the money and dream career or choose to drop to a wfh job.

I'm not actually sure what you're wanting!!!