To be jealous of DH work routine?

[Notamorning]

AIBU to be jealous of DH's lifestyle? I work in the city, have an hour commute door to door each way my day is typically 12 hours out of the house daily. I'm in a client facing corporate role so little opportunity to WFH and the closest I get to dress down is black jeans and pumps on a Friday.
DH is FT WFH, unless he is travelling internationally which is once every 8 weeks post COVID.
I'm just shattered from the commute and the effort that every day seems to take, I always have to be corporate so I can't just roll out of bed and throw anything on, hair has to be done, make up etc. I'm always at the whim of public transport which will throw my day out in an instant. I'm constantly carrying my life around with me, go to the gym either morning / lunch / after work
On the flip side, DH is still in bed whilst i'm getting ready, he gets up at a reasonable time, can sleep in if he's tired or not feeling great. Can walk the dog / go to the gym when his diary allows. Throw on anything and still look presentable in front of clients. He never needs to think about multiple outfits for the next day - if I'm at an event after work for example.
When I walk in the door he's generally started dinner (which is great) so I get changed and come and help, but don't feel like I get any time through the week to switch off. We menu plan on the weekend, so he doesn't need to think what to make / just follow the list.
I get that this is corporate life, and part of what I want from my career but bloody hell what I wouldn't give to just have a few weeks of his routine for a rest!
When it gets to the weekends he wants to go out and I just want some down time as I feel like I've been 'on' all week, the last thing I want to see is the city.

Was clearly just having a bad day! Amazing what a some early morning exercise, some sleep and the prospect of a fun weekend ahead can do. Thanks everyone appreciate that I'm very lucky.
I'm definitely doing the gok outfits, that's an awesome idea!

Both DH and I wfh.

I will never work in an office or commute again.

You should look for another job OP

I wfh for 3 years. Turned me into a zombie and a very boring person. Got asked to go to another project and now I am back on site. I forgot how much fun it is to work with lovely people. Never would I wfh again.

Once in a while, stay at a hotel close to your work? A nice boutique one if you can afford it, so you have a bit of time to yourself and some luxury.

That's what I did in a similar role.

Your husband could perhaps come and stay with you there sometimes, or come into town for dinner.

Otherwise you are going to either have to suck it up or move I think.

Btw the data shows that a long commute is one of the few things that you never adjust to, in terms of wellbeing. Even much more severe things disappear from the happiness data after a whole, but a long commute is a permanent drag on your happiness.

*after a while

Stay in a hotel close to work once a week?

It's natural to be jealous. I'm a Dr 3h commute 10-13h days (no choice in where I work until finish training), partner wfh maybe does 4-5h work a day max, double my salary. I do the cooking/cleaning etc. The commute is the killer, when I'm at my local hospital and can cycle in and get up 1.5h later my life is a totally different world so highly recommend moving nearer work. Then again I'd go bonkers if my job was sat on boring teams meetings back to back all day

I think I'm jealous of you, OP 😂

This. Two days a week I do 12 hour days, including a 4 hour round trip commute. I leave at 7am, I return at gone 7. Dh has the dinner sorted, while I sit down with a g&t and spend some time with the kids before they go to bed. Youngest is always in her PJs, teeth cleaned, fed and watered etc by the time I return. Admittedly though, I've planned the meals out for them in advance...

I should also say that my 'trade off' for the two long days is that I don't work Mondays and Fridays, and am still the higher earner.

Why are you doing all the cooking/cleaning?

Not really a solution and you can't do it on your own but part of the problem here is clearly the expectation that a 'corporate' woman has to look a certain way. Unless you're working in fashion/beauty, as long as you're clean and presentable what does it matter what you wear? How do you manage to do your job in jeans on a Friday but not on a Monday? It's total bullshit and we women let each other down by buying into it.

Change jobs then…simple solution.

I envy you@Notamorning. I don't know if you have DC but it sounds like an OK life. You're so lucky to have a job you love, I never did though I'm retired now.
My DH worked overseas quite a lot so I never had the support you do and couldn't work the hours that you do as we had four DC. Meal planning and food shopping were a nightmare in the days prior to internet food shopping, though 24 hour supermarkets worked for me.
I did always use an outfit system for work clothes, with most of them pretty suitable for after work events.

I can understand that you are feeling shattered. And that moving home might not be an option. But could you maybe stay a night in the city mid week? So a Tuesday or Wednesday night or maybe what suits your schedule most? Doesn't have to be every week either. But if you know you have a particularly early start or a busy day it might give you a bit of breathing space. Grab dinner somewhere and just relax and have a bath/read a book/ watch a film.

We have a similar situation. I'm a teacher, need to leave the house at 7 am, my husband WFH most days with quite flexible schedule. Like OPs husband he goes to the gym in the morning or early afternoon and gets to take naps.
However, I don't envy him but am very thankful that one of us (DH) has enough time to take on neccessary household chores. DH gets up at 6 with the rest of the family, makes breakfast and prepares lunchboxes for the children. After the kids and I have left the house, he cleans up the kitchen. He also does almost all of the grocery shopping, prepares dinner and throws the laundry into the washing machine. So when I get home from school, most of the household chores are already done and I don't have to worry about dinner and laundry. I'm very thankful that my DH is in a position to tackle most of our household chores and is also capable and willing to do so.
Could you find a similar arrangement with your DH, OP? You're out of the house for work longer than his WFH-hours so he could cook dinner, do laundry etc. until you arrive home and then you both get to enjoy the rest of the day/evening together.

Similar role etc here. A couple of things:

I keep a separate wash bag, trainers and gym kit in the office (obviously it comes home occasionally) - helps to only think about kit once a week

food delivery box - keeps planning down

cleaner once a week- tidies, cleans and changes beds

advice on work to evening outfits - also a work “uniform” so choosing outfits is easier

meal replacement shakes- not for everyone but means I don’t have to think about breakfast/ lunch and it helps with weight control

treat commute as down time - Netflix, prime etc downloads

Surely it would make sense to be based near your work now?

They aren't unreasonable suggestions though. Sometimes it's about making the bold move to improve quality of life. I've just switched jobs and wish I had done it years before. The pay cut has been worth every bit of the improved quality of life.

Similarly moving home can make so much sense sometimes.

You expressed unhappiness with your life. It's not unreasonable to reflect on how you might change it and whether you want to

Your priority is clearly your career. If you don’t want to change anything, the overall balance/picture won’t change.

life isn’t guaranteed. I lost my DH very suddenly. I feel so VERY fortunate that we always prioritised us/our life together over jobs and careers. Those memories are precious and keep me going. A job would never do that. It’s your life, do what you feel you need to do

Why on earth are you doing the cooking and cleaning?
Either he can clean or pay for a cleaner surely?

Her husband works from home ! He doesn’t sit about all day doing nothing!
It seems to be a recurring theme on MN that a man working from home all day should also do all of the house work and cooking, but a SAHM should be relieved of all childcare, chores etc as soon as Dad walks in the door 😀

Suck it up. I do 30 hours a week and get paid for 18. The amount I get is less than half the difference between yours and your partners. You say it's your dream job, but it's not as you're moaning about the conditions. Leave and get a job with less commuting or option to WFH or stop moaning!!!!

I also don't understand this idea that when wfh you have all this time to do the cooking,cleaning, shopping and napping! In fact I don't know anyone that takes naps (most grown ups shouldn't need naps during the day).

I'm working, not sat around twiddling my thumbs. I go to the gym but I use my lunch hour or go before I start work, same with shopping. I may move my lunch hour to a slightly later or earlier time but then I still only take an hour.

I still try and book appointments before work or at lunchtime (or close to). I still have meetings during the day and people still need to contact me.

Who says you need multiple outfit changes and look like you’ve stepped out of a fashion magazine. You are where you are because you can do the job not because of what you look like.

tell your firm that you need to rearrange your diary and have one day working from home. Otherwise you will burn out and be off for a long time.

sometimes people are their own worst enemies saying they have to do stuff when they don’t. Leave work earlier. You’ve done enough hours.

make the changes you need for your own health before they are made for you by your body.