Husband doesn't want to see my mum

[Mixitupx]

I have been married to my husband for 10 years, together for approx 17.
His parents are no longer around so we spend a lot of time with my family.
I have 2 DS and my mum has been looking after them 1 day a week for the past 8 years. She also has them in the school holidays as well as being the main babysitter if we ever want a night out or mini break which can be up to 4 x a year.
I am incredibly grateful for what she does for us. P.S my dad is also around but it's mainly mum who provides the support, haha!
My mum can be quite nit picky and often has some sort of opinion to offer. This has resulted in my brother and his family opting to see her less but I tend to just answer back.
My mum and dad also bicker and often complain about each other which can be annoying.
On the days my parents have the kids we will collect them after work and stay for dinner. My husband says he no longer wants to do this as he is sick of the nit picking and also the bickering. He would prefer to pick them up and come straight home. I feel this is quite rude, especially as she has looked after the kids all day and picked 1 up from school.
So the question is - Am I being unreasonable to ask my Husband to suck it up for 2 hours a week (and a cooked meal) to stay at my parents when we collect the kids?

My mum can be quite nit picky and often has some sort of opinion to offer.

That doesn't sound great, does it? Just because she's doing you a favour doesn't give her a free pass to be intrusive and make people miserable.

My mum and dad also bicker and often complain about each other which can be annoying.

Being around this kind of toxic dynamic is horrible and uncomfortable. I wouldn't want my kids around this, honestly.

I'm with your husband.

I wouldn't want to eat with my in laws once a week either!

Do the children enjoy being with your parents?

Their own soon chose to not see them based on the toxic environment and yet you take issue with your DH not enjoying it??

Sounds grim for your husband. Can he not go home by himself?

Could you make it once a fortnight as a compromise? Or can you collect the children alone and stay while he is at home?

Totally agree with your husband. Once a month is plenty given the nit picking and bickering. After a days work I'd just like to relax in my own home.

Collect your kids by yourself and if you want to stay for dinner then do so. Why do you both need to collect or go?

Maybe if it was a once a month thing rather than weekly he would be prepared to suck it up.

Yes they love their Grandparents as do I

YABU,I don’t blame him.
You don’t realise how bad it is until you experience it yourself.
Has she started nit picking on your kids yet?
What examples do you set to your kids? It’s alright to be spoken to like shit because it’s a relative?
No,just no.

We commute together and the pick up is on our route home

I wouldn't spend one evening watching that every week. Why can't he go home and you stay?

I have an issue with my brother not spending time with them too but I don't see him everyday.

@Mixitupx sorry just saw your update. Well then take turns on public transport?

Unfortunately, this wouldn't be a viable option.
The only option would be to stay or just pick up the kids and go.

Yeah, this. It's no good for your kids to be around fighting people.

I would never try and force or manipulate another adult into spending time with someone when they don’t want to, it’s not my place. You’ll have to work out a way around it- maybe he drops you at your parents’ and collects you later? Or leaves the car with you and gets the bus home that day?

Is it logistically possible to travel separately that day? Could your husband get the bus home from somewhere. You might enjoy dinner more if your husband wasn't there and you were stressing about him hating it.

Well your husband doesn't so you need to compromise. Your own brother is sick of it too.

Even without the bickering, I would just want to go home after a day at work. You love your mum but your DH can't relax there. Cut him some slack.

Compromise on frequency then.

Well, he’s voting with his feet, like your husband. Your mother’s nit-picking and both your parents’ bickering are clearly very tiresome to be around. I’d prefer to pay money to a childminder than ‘pay’ with my sanity by sitting through this kind of performance on a regular basis.

Thank you for all your comments so far. I feel like I do have blinkers on as it's 'my' family but I have also seen many friends lose their parents and they would take any imperfections just to have them back.
We have been doing the same routine for many many years and I guess I am just worried that it will cause friction if we suddenly say we don't want to stay.
I am just unsure how to approach the situation without hurting anyone.

Never underestimate how bloody stressful it is for other people to watch and listen to other people "nitpicking and bickering" if you have got used to it yourself. My exILs were like that and I absolutely hated spending any time with them. It was a toxic atmosphere. I wouldn't want my kids in it either.

Does it not make you think that 3 out of the 4 adults close to them don’t want to spend time with them due to their behaviour? Does that not make you consider that perhaps it is an issue?
You seem to be the only one who has no problem with it.