to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

I guess the point people are making is that this kind of morning wouldn't work for everyone. It's great it works so well for you, of course, but if someone forced me to chat over breakfast before work I would be less than impressed, haha.

I haven't said anyone else should do it, I said what we do in our family. I don't force anyone to chat, I didn't say I do, so I'm not sure why you're saying that as if you think I do. Our kids friends often pop in and have breakfast with us, it's nice and suits our family. If the kids don't want to chat, they can stay quiet, tell us or go to another room. They prefer to spend some time with us.

HTH. haha.

Ummm, so my list are the 'unimportant' things??
So what IS important then if sleep, homework, nutrition isn't?
Occasionally checking they still have two legs and are still alive?

@Hummingbird75

Deliberately twisting my words and being sarcastic

I couldn't have the TV on in the morning. Too much noise and over stimulation in an already busy household.

I think this thread just proves that all houses are different. All parents are different. He's your ex. She's 15. You have no right to dictate to him how he should parent. You can "think that in a functional household...." but that's all your can do.

His household seems to function just fine. It's just different to your household.

@TheDogsAreInThePool you seem to be taking my comment as some kind of personal attack when it was just meant to be a lighthearted "but obviously what you do won't work for everyone" type response.

@TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre you are so right about the overstimulation.

DH likes the TV on first thing and I just can't handle it, I need peace and quiet

100%, we parents are the role models for the next generation, do we want to be gaming till early hours then sleeping in, if so that's your next generation following, or do you want to be up and about running a disciplined life, bed on time, up early, say goodbye etc, then that's your next generation. This is fact. I'm naturally lazy in the morning but forced myself to get up at 5.30 daily and it becomes habit.

My teens drag themselves out of bed at 8am, stumble around the kitchen making breakfast and lunch and leave the house at 8.15. We do most of our talking in the evenings when we clean the house after dinner and take turns to choose the cleaning playlist.

I asked my 15yo about this during our drive to school. I asked if it bothered her that i don't get up before her, have her food on the table, and make the time to have a conversation with her/ask her about her night, how she slept...etc.

Her exact words were.. "God No! That sounds overbearing.. and like a helicopter parent. I just want to be left alone in the morning to vibe.. not be having an entire ass conversation."

So.. there you have it. Different strokes for different folks.

Oh, and she also asked how she's meant to learn to be independent and get herself ready if i was doing all that for her.

Why is getting up at 5.30am daily intrinsically "better" than staying up gaming and getting up later (assuming you are getting to work on time and meeting any other essential commitments)?

If you like to get up at 5.30am because it suits you, then fantastic. But people who don't do this are not poor role models.

@Jimblebells what's a disciplined life and why do you have to get up early to lead one?

Exactly.

Many adults treasure the time alone to get themselves ready for the day, including some getting up early so they can have that time to themselves. Why wouldn’t some teenagers be the same? There are other times to talk other than the mornings.

If DD's career goes according to plan, it will involve a lot of late night starts and far fewer early morning, so disclpline for her will involve going to bed in the early hours of the morning and not having a 7am start.

Not poor role models, we are all role models.... My choice was for the early to bed early to rise method. Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right, I just prefer the up and doing side of life.

Each to their own. I go by the early (10 ish) to bed, early to rise principle. Get a 30 min walk or run in then dive into the day.

How about you don't conflate 'late to bed, late to get up' to 'late to everything'

Being late to occasions/appointments is rude.

I'm late to bed, late to wake, but NEVER late for appointments.

Being an early bird does not give one any kind of moral superiority.

Your previous post was pretty clear that you consider staying up late gaming to be inferior to your own choice of going to bed early and getting up at 5.30am.

@Jimblebells thats great if it works for you, but stop acting like you're superior to those who don't choose to get up at 5am everyday 🙄

Others in my family choose late to bed, late up, late to everything method. Not saying either is right

Sure you're not! 😏

Unless I HAD to be up at 5:30 I am not interested in being up at that time. I tend to stay up late, but I'm always up on time.

I have 4 children and a very hectic life. Staying up late when everyone else has gone to bed is my downtime. It's my quiet time. It's my time to watch something on TV uninterrupted. Others might stay up late gaming, or knitting, making jigsaws. Who cares?

Getting up at 5:30am doesn't make you superior to ANYONE.

High school / Secondary school

Definitely No

My DC in Middle school years 5 and 6 in the UK had to get themselves up, ready dressed etc then walk to school and cross 3 main roads themselves together as only year apart

Because parents had to get up and out first work to commute before them

This has set them up for life though

No mollycoddling here

Btw this was only 6 years ago

There are many ways to set children up for life.
Being around the house while your children get ready for school is not mollycoddling.

I'm glad your set up worked well, but you make it sound like any other set up is not in the child's interests.

Yes of course I'd be up. Moral support if nothing else. You are the adult in the room.

There are plenty of parents who leave for work before their high school kids are up, I don’t really see what the difference is?
I got myself to school every day from being about 10 years old, most high school age kids should be able to get themselves to school without a helicopter parent overseeing everything.

Why would your average 15 year old need moral support to get ready for school in the mornings?