to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

I don’t get up for mine (youngest is y8). I’m awake, and make sure they are all up in time to get ready. I remind them the night before to sort out their bags, uniform, and anything else they need. If they are late, that’s on them.

Doesn’t everyone need moral support? Someone to say’Have a good day’ and wish them well?
That said, daughter has just said she wouldn’t have minded🤷‍♀️ so dunno really.

Definitely not BU. Parents should be up before or at the same time as children. Even when the children are 14/15/16.
If they are not up it shows a general lack of care and interest .
i was in teaching for 40+ years. Uncared for kids stuck out a mile. Some parents are just lazy bastards.

I think if you are gaming (inessential) as opposed to working (essential) then honestly that’s not good enough. Get up and make sure your child is ok as they leave for the day.

Well personally speaking no, lol. I like peace and quiet in the mornings, not people hovering around and talking at me.

Each to their own but a quick hug, ‘have a good day’ and ‘have you got everything’ isn’t, in my book, hovering. I wanted DD to know I was paying attention and cared.

You don’t get up for an 8 yr old? Have you been on night shift or something?

I think a 15yr old should be able to sort themselves out in the morning, provided there's no disability.

Has your daughter expressed an issue with this, or are you taking it upon yourself to make it an issue?

But you also said your DD wouldn't have minded either way - so I wonder if the hug and reassuring words aren't more for you than they are her.

Not being a morning person is not an excuse to not pay attention to your children. Honestly I think that’s a poor excuse.

My mum worked shifts and was often out the house before I woke up. I’m sometimes out the house before my daughter wakes up. Thankfully we were given appropriate skills to do such a basic task as to get dressed, have breakfast, wash, make lunch and leave on time. All age appropriate for a teenager.

Teacher here (or was) 15 is not nearly an adult. 15 is a child and one who needs your attention.

I’d have got up, however briefly. We are all different though.

What age is an adult?

Hard to tell. It’s half her lifetime ago so perspectives alter. What she thinks now may not have been true then . Also she is dyslexic with the associated disorganisation so needed support. Also no doubt 🚁 😂but I would still get up for any child in my care. I just think it’s what you do.

I would still get up for any child in my care. I just think it’s what you do.

What if they didn't want you to?

I get up when Ds does

I agree. Some parents are just lazy sods.

I’d still be on alert till they left the house. Think it’s in the genes or something. But why would a parent be in bed at the time a child leaves for school? Our school bus leaves at 7.45. I’d be up.
Never know what minor catastrophe might happen and prefer to be up and cogent.

I have young children as well but yes I am up before my teen (14) and knock on his door if there’s no movement etc. my dad always used to bring us up cups of coffee to our bedrooms to make sure we were up and I loved that. I might even start doing that for my teen! But yeah, I think it’s my job to be up and aware and there if he needs anything in the mornings. He doesn’t need me and I don’t do much for him, but yeah. I’m the parent!!

I think there are a million ways to be a great parent and getting up before a 14,15, 16+ year old isn’t the only way. I have an excellent relationship with my children, am fully engaged and supportive of them. They are amazing humans who I’m very proud of. But….. no, I wasn’t always up before they left the house. I don’t think they are hindered by that. I think they’d say they had a very happy upbringing if you asked them.

So in short on this specific issue YABU.

Ex is a lazy bugger. Probs connected to why he's an ex. I totally get why you're hacked off with him.

DD sounds amazing!

I was always up early as I never trusted the little buggers to not misbehave. Or to not forget to go to school.

If my parents were sleeping and not getting up in the morning when I was a teenager I would have felt they were lazy and sad they didn’t want to say bye to me.

There are all kinds of reasons for someone to still be in bed.

Working a night shift.
Working a late shift.
Getting up in the night with a younger sibling.
Having caring responsibilities.
Being unwell.
Not needing to get up and having a child who doesn't need them to be up.

I don’t think it’s essential but I do think it’s pleasant. My mum struggled with her sleep and mental health and was never awake in the mornings and while I was very competent at getting myself ready, it was lonely and I did feel a bit forgotten about. I think it’s different if it’s one/two days a week they aren’t up, but my mum would sleep in always and so I was on my own a lot