to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

I am glad I made your day 😊

A conversation is what most people would have if they felt something could be improved, as a starting point maybe?! I mean given we are all adults, maybe she could point out he isn't the best example to his dc, check he isn't depressed etc. Otherwise give the option to the dc to stay at home. They are teenagers and don't have to be anywhere that is miserable for them.

Exactly.

Not being 'bothered' to get up in the morning, and letting her have some independence to get herself up, make her own breakfast, get herself dressed and ready for when we have to leave (i still have to drive but leave her to it in the morning without interfering while i get my disabled self up and ready carefully) doesn't translate to 'not bothered' about the rest of it.

Some parents aren't morning people, some make a conscious choice to allow the child some independence as vital time for teaching them time management.

Assuming X means Y like some black and white thing is judgey and disingenuous.

Of course it does, but OP's child is 15 - she really shouldn't need an adult to supervise her getting ready for school. If a parent wants to be up and about, that's different, but it's not a necessity.

Well, I was getting up and getting myself breakfast in front of the TV from the age of about five, but I'm sure that would be frowned upon by many

Obviously my parents would be up to get me sorted for school, but once I was making my own way to school (from 11) they certainly didn't need to hover over me or see me out of the door.

I am abit confused as to why people are lying in bed mid week in the first place if they are not disabled or have night shifts?

We are not talking 5am starts here.

Why is it confusing that people don't get up earlier than they need to in the morning?

Is there a prescribed time that everyone must get up?

Can you genuinely not think of any other reasons?

Working late shifts.
Working weekends (with days off in the week)
Having a weather dependent job.
Working part-time.
Working a job with no set hours.
Working from home.
Or, shock horror, not working at all.

Once you become a parent, you must be up at 7am every day until they turn 18. Did you not read that in the handbook? 😁

7am would have been pretty blissful for most of DS's younger years (5am waker).

And in the context of this thread, too late to see him for the years he was out at work before school.

Oh.. we're into the "everyone not getting up at 6 am and going to bed at 10pm is a lazy waste of air" mode now are we.

God forbid someone have a different wake/sleep schedule.

If left to my own devices my body clock prefers to wake up about 9.30, and go to sleep about 1am.

If i WFH, and didn't need to be up at 8 to drive DD to school, there's no way i'd be awake at 7.15 voluntarily.

Funnily enough, i still manage to run a functioning household during the 6wk summer break when none of us are up before 9.30am. Everyone still eats, work gets done, chores get finished, outings are still had.

I think it’s important to be present, regardless of age.

Even dh and I will make sure we are up if one of us has early start or travel. Dh had taxi collect him at 7am last week for a work trip a few days. Ds and I don’t technically need to be up until 7/ 7.30am for nursery and work, but I still got up at 6.30am to make us both a tea, and chat 20mins before he left. No physically he is fine if I stayed in bed, He can get ready obviously and leave himself. I just think it’s nice someone makes 20mins time to say morning, check if there’s anything we needed to be reminded of that happening later, ask his plans. Ds was awake just in time for kiss and bye.
Dh would do the same for me if I’m off early for work or an appointment or something.

My Ds is only pre school age. As a teen I imagine we will still do the same. One of us will probably have to drive him to bus anyway

But surely you want to see your own kids, check how they are? Make sure they have eaten? Slept well? Have everything they need?

No, okay then. It is just me.

Have you ever met a teenager?

I didn't want to engage with my parents at all first thing in the morning - I wanted to sleep as late as possible, get ready in silence and leave as late for the bus as I could without missing it, lol.

Getting up to speak to your kids at 7am doesn't make you a superior person to someone who does the same thing in the evenings.

My DC don't eat in the morning.
If they communicate at that time of day, it is mainly via grunts.
If they don't have everything they need there is no point telling me 5 minutes before they have to go to school as I won't be able to do anything about it (we established by mid primary that they needed to tell me about stuff the night before at latest).

I'm sure some families all sit down and have breakfast together and have rewarding conversations about their day and what's going on in current affairs. I have a different sort of family. If I insisted on this, there would be a mutiny.

I have three teens! And they chat to me in the mornings and we get coffee and I like to make sure they are okay. I can't imagine not saying goodbye, and giving them a quick hug.

I dont think its superior, but I do think it is good parenting.

It's only good parenting if your teens want it.

Which, crucially for the OP here, is the one thing that hasn't actually been established.

There's also a difference between "not getting up to make breakfast and having a lovely chat every morning" and "not being available if needed". Again, not established which this is.

My teens don't do mornings, but they have been known to decide to come and talk to me at midnight when I'm trying to go to sleep. I don't think I am a bad parent for going to bed before they do; but possibly I might be if I wasn't there to listen to them when they needed someone.

Great - but surely you're aware that all families are different and function differently?

What works for you and your kids won't necessarily work for others, so it's generally best not to act as though other parents are failing for doing things differently.

I get up anyway for work so I'm there for a chat, but I think high school children should be able to get themselves ready on time and out the door. I don't do that for my teen, he's not a baby and needs to learn responsibility.

Our youngest is 15 and I'm always up and about when she is getting ready for school. My partner works from home so he's up as well and I'm a SAHM. It's not about uniform issues or something going wrong, I just think it's nice for them to have a bit of company in the morning. One of us gives her a lift to school as well.

I remember getting up and my mum staying in bed every morning. It felt very miserable, quiet and lonely, especially if I wasn't looking forward to school. I make sure we're chatting, the tv is on, breakfast is all out etc. I think it helps lift the mood and sets them up to have a better day.

For a 15 yr old I don’t think they have to be overseen every morning. At that age I woke up to an empty house and as parents were at work already. Fair enough, reasons here are different but it’s still preparing DD to be a functional adult.

I have just realised this thread has triggered me, so maybe my view is skewed op. As I have just remembered the reason why I can not stand parents staying in bed is because the only time it happened to me (when my parents were not working) was when my mother was severely depressed and/or having a breakdown. So it has really bad connections for me. I accept this won't be the case with many pp, but for me it meant I was alone, she was unable to work and she would be too depressed to get up. I remember feeling scared and alone even as a teen. So I get out of bed even when I am ill (sub consciously probably) and always check my dc are okay etc.

I remember getting up and my mum staying in bed every morning. It felt very miserable, quiet and lonely, especially if I wasn't looking forward to school. I make sure we're chatting, the tv is on, breakfast is all out etc. I think it helps lift the mood and sets them up to have a better day.

I guess the point people are making is that this kind of morning wouldn't work for everyone. It's great it works so well for you, of course, but if someone forced me to chat over breakfast before work I would be less than impressed, haha.

Agree with this. I loved getting myself ready in the morning for school as a teenager.

I had the house to myself and could listen to whatever music I wanted to while getting ready. Never felt like I needed a chaperone or someone to oversee me doing so. By high school, I would expect most teens to be able to get themselves up and ready for school barring sen and disabilities.

That makes perfect sense why you do that then.

I do things differently to my parents too like tell my kids I love them. According to DM, I should have known this without them having to say it.