Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

And for someone in their 40s!

I think op what it depends on is whether or not you want to pursue this friendship and if this is normal behaviour for her or not?

If you do want to maintain the friendship then I'd drop the present round and see if she messages again, if she doesn't then I'd ask her directly what's bothering her.

If you don't then I'd leave it and let her make the first move.

I understand birthday's are a big deal to some people but telling you to f off is out of order. Unless there's a big back story then she's being highly unreasonable.

I would just drop the present off tomorrow , stick it through the door and then leave the ball in her court .

"birthday week". Good grief

Is the spirit of presents being an entitled twat who has a birthday week and tells her friends to fuck off because they have other more important stuff going on than massaging the ego of a 40 year old child?

This. I think if you were to hear the friends side of the story a lot of her upset is due to her husband being away. Maybe he forgot, couldn’t get access to a phone, or missed it due to time differences - we dont know where he is or why is away

If she is alone and usually makes a big deal around her birthday (which is fine and doesn’t make her a child regardless what some MNetters say) and her friend and possible others didn’t message her then I can see why she lashed out

Not necessarily your fault OP but maybe check in with her before ignoring her completely

I’ve got friends I’ve known for 25 years. I vaguely know their birthday month, couldn’t give exact dates .
We just all get on with our busy lives and unless it’s a big birthday they just get a happy birthday message when fb reminds me.

Your friend sounds ridiculous.

If she’s otherwise a good friend, I would text to ask if she’s ok.
She may have had a really bad day and you forgetting was final straw.

Seems very bizarre response to your text over a missed birthday….im wondering if the text was really for someone else.
I’d probs text back and say….Was this meant for me…?

I couldn't get past the birthday week bit.
Jesus Christ, you're well rid.

Do you have form for forgetting?

Kids birthdays - 100% cannot forget.
Adults birthdays? No big deal as we rarely ‘celebrate’ on the actual day.

I have a friend who refers to it as her birthday month and besides wishing her happy birthday on the day, maybe a meal or night out to celebrate and dropping off a present, I refuse to be involved in her social media crap. She a twice divorced, 45 year old mother of two teenagers and she posts non stop during her birthday month.
It’s so cringe.

Are you crazy ?
Why would OP do that now ? She was told where to go

When someone shows you what they are - believe them.

She sounds like hard work.

Respond 'Noted'. And don't give her another thought

She's ridiculous - my own brother forgot my 60th birthday and I completely understood (he had been unwell) it didn't bother me at all. I would leave a resounding silence following that text

Actually strongly disagree. It's a great reason. Life is hard and I think op can be forgiven for a 40 something friends birthday not being too of her importance list. If the friend was genuinely upset she could have also enquired as to if her friend was ok and given some thought to what might be going on in her life for her to forget. Friendship works both ways.

Way too much drama. Am struggling to think of a situation where I'd tell someone to fuck off when they offered to drop a present round lol.

You said her husband is away, I wonder if you weren’t the only person to forget.

Yeah but suddenly the Op remembered ( despite all the important stuff) there was a gig she wanted to attended and wanted her birthday friend for that.

Presumably at some effort and cost to said friend.

Hence the fuck off.

Or perhaps princess wanted others to organize a shindig for her since her DH wasn't around? Just because she loves her birthday, doesn't mean others think of nothing else for the month.

Heck, I barely remember my family's birthdays. I forget mine at times. After you are 21 and then 30, birthdays are not that big of a deal. But then, I have never been fond of anyone making a fuss over me.

i dont know, the usual stuff? Fun convos and socialising and friendly texts and playdates with her kids. Normal friend things!

Even though you are both friends she is not entitled to anything from you.

As far as I would be concerned this friendship would be over. She would be dead to me. I would definitely not be giving her anything whatsoever.

Are you sure the message was for you?

How are you making the offer of free tickets sound like i was asking her to do me a favour 😂 its for a local folk band she likes in a pub close to where she lives and it was literally just an offer for if she fancied it. Literally just a nice offer of something i thought shed like but was welcome to say no to

My old best mate and I don't really talk after he forgot my birthday. He remembered I existed when he wanted to tell me about his Grindr escapades the week later though.

He had a lot going on at the time, but so did I. My mum had cancer I was going through a break up and thought I was losing my home. I needed a mate and he just wasn't there for me. Forgetting my birthday was the straw that broke the camels back.

You reel off all the things you're going through and I imagine these may dominate the interactions you have with your mate, but you haven't mentioned her circumstances. Have you considered these? Are you aware of them?