Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

I totally get it but what do you do if you do just forget? i have a lot of tactics to help me with the ADD (which js a disability) but sometimes i just forget snd then just have to make it up best i can. Im so forgiving of ppl forgetting things for me bcos i know sometimes u just make mistakes. I would never tell someone to fuck of for a mistake

And that's why she's pissed off. It's one thing to forget, it's quite another to then fail to stop round when you say you will.

Do you often let her down or forget her?

She sounds like a nightmare. It's not a big deal to forget a friend's birthday, and you messaged her the next day. I'd be glad to be rid of her.

Maybe this is what i should do now and then leave it if it doesnt go anywhere

This is what I thought.

I suppose it depends how much you value her as a friend. I personally would find it hard to come back from that. People that are this precious over their birthday are probably precious over many other things.

Op I don't mean this in a nasty way but having ADD and or being pregnant and dealing with the kids isn't a get out clause for forgetting important dates or making effort for your friends bday.

Her friend’s birthday isn’t an important date and the OP did make an effort by buying a present.

If my friend was overwhelmed with their own stuff and texted me a day late for my birthday, I would be pleased they were thinking about me in their busy life. I’ve always said a late present just extends my celebration.

You’re not odd. You’re lovely. And have your friendship priorities absolutely the right way round. Hope your friend is doing well.

Says me with my username!!!!

I havent failed i just havent done it yet. I didnt tell her a specific day, was going to go next time i passed her house.

no i dont often let her down - we dont socialise that much and its usually casual but ive never cancelled. Ive been to 3 of her bday parties and brought gidts. She didnt have a big party this yr cos her husband is working abroad 4 six months and she didnt want to organise it alone.

If it is just about the birthday then of course it's unreasonable.

Like hell would I be dropping off a present to someone that had told me to fuck off!

I hope it's something you'll enjoy yourself!

she's in her 40's not 4, she needs to actually grow up, not just age.

I'm sure she arranged an extravaganza for her birthday, where was your invitation?

Don't give it another thought, you have enough going on in your life without pandering to her tantrum!!

She sounds like a spoilt child. I wouldn't bother with her again in your shoes. Friends don't remember my birthday because it's near Christmas and the last time I made a fuss was as a teenager. What person in their 40s cares this much about a birthday. She needs to grow the fuck up.

YANBU. Personally I don't remember most of my friends' birthdays and they don't remember mine. Most people wish each other happy bday if there is an actual bday party/dinner. She's unhinged.

Just let her be. Don't get sucked into it.

She’s ok to feel hurt but there’s no need to be so rude!

We all forget things sometimes and if your kid has been off school then it’s easy to forget the date.

I would ask her why she’s being so rude when you didn’t intentionally forget.

She’s either a drama Queen or this was just the icing on the cake.

Do NOT give this lunatic a present or card. He’s not even a longstanding friend and sounds appalling self-centred. If her birthday was that important then she would have invited you to a party.

I wouldn’t drop a card or present round to someone who had just told me to fuck off. I’d be sending it straight to the charity shop and blocking.

For a long time old friend I’d have checked whether she was ok or if there was something else going on, and maybe apologised. But after the first go it is on her to mend fences. She’s an adult after all.

It all sounds very odd to me, but if I valued the friendship otherwise then I might send a follow up "?" immediately or "OK... What's that about?" later. That said, I don't think I've ever sworn at, or been sworn at by, an adult friend, so for me this might be a deal breaker. I prefer people who communicate any issues clearly.

But, I'm not that precious about birthdays. I don't have any of the things going on in my life that OP does, yet I still sometimes forget dates (or, more often, what date today is). And I'm always delighted/embarrassed when someone remembers mine, but unless it's very, very close family (parents and kids), I'm not remotely offended if others don't!

I would be blocking anyone who told me to F off. How rude. If you are just casual friends I don't see why you forgetting is a big deal. No I wouldn't bother with her anymore.

What you did was accidental, what she said was hurtful and purposeful. Don’t rise to it

I would take a picture and send it with the message:

Was going to drop this round tomorrow as I’m passing your house. Never mind.

This is completely how i feel, thank you

This is so weird. I barely remember or even know my friends birthdays and same with them to me. If we happen to remember we might get a happy birthday text but I don’t think I’d even notice or care if someone text the day after 😂

Unless she personally delivers a grovelling apology, block, ignore and forget. A five year old wouldn’t behave like that. You genuinely forgot and apologised and as a result she showed you who she really is - a fair weather friend.

That was horribly rude and uncalled for.