Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

Does she know it's a free gift ? Why didn't you offer to take her for her birthday? You still haven't actually given her anything except a belated text dispute saying you would.

You've definitely done nothing wrong and your circumstances make it completely understandable, though it would be understandable without any of that. Very odd behaviour from her, so as pps have said, if you want to continue to be friends, maybe just ask her if she's okay and if she'd like to meet to talk about this?

Leave it, and just ghost he put off your life

she is nuts and a drama Queen and self obsessed

your kids having SEN or anything is not even relevant, you are making too many unnessary excuses 😁. You forgot. Not a big deal. She responded so badly I would not have her as a friend

Just put a thumbs up emoji on her message and leave it at that....she sounds unhinged!

Ah here that's ridiculous, jesus my friends & I have been friends over 20 years & we've all at one time or another forgotten Birthdays, what's the big deal? If it was a "big Birthday" with a party or whatever then I'd sort of understand but this is crazy, she needs to grow up & I wouldn't be taking her to a concert either

First text

hi X! Have just realised i forgot to text you yesterday, im sk sorry! Happy birthday, hope you had a fabby day. Have a pressie for you, will drop it round soon xxx

second text

hi! Hope all is good with u? I have tickets for X for Fri at (pub name), do u fancy coming along? X and X are coming too Xxx

X and X are my hubby and his sister who she knows both and has done things with us b4
got no response to the first and the fuck off to the second

Please don't give a gift to someone who text you in this way. Let this person naturally exit your life 😂

I've got friends of 20 years and we still can't remember each others exact birthdays! But they are there for all the important things and I always know I can count on them.

We actually had another friend who was very much into her birthday and every year did a birthday week with a series of events and it was just exhausting. We all lost touch with her eventually, ironically we all failed to live up to birthday expectations at different points. None of us regret losing touch but she was not a bad person. I liken it to when you hear people talk about 'love language.' I think hers was just different from ours. Her expectations of the friendship were different.

I had a friend once actually call me to tell me off for not sending her a birthday card. I apologised profusely and made amends, then proceeded to be sure to make an extra fuss of her going forward.

This was 20 years ago. Since then I have woken up and noticed that it was one breadcrumb in a trail of unfriendly, self-involved princess behaviour.

If this might be the case here too, then I hope I can save you some time.

I couldn't cope with that, I've enough drama in my life & it sounds like you have your hands full too, like someone else said a thumbs up emoji is the only if any response, if you could be even bothered @Anonforthisq

She was clearly looking for an excuse to cut ties with you and forgetting her birthday was the most serious misdemeanour she could contrive.

Id'd take her at her word and just fo. Her loss .

Even without the demands you currently face, your ‘friend’ is behaving like a petulant child. Unless she comes back to you with an apology and decent explanation for her response, you are better off without her in your life.

You got it the wrong way round. The text came after.

Op is too busy and stressed to remember her friends birthday but not too busy or stressed to have organised tickets for herself DH and SIL to watch a gig at the pub.

Clearly the appropriate action should have been ( assuming a friend she likes) -

1. So sorry forgot your birthday yesterday, will drop you your present Monday on way to work.

Not I forgot, will drop it round at some point 2.Hello. Sorry again about your birthday. XX are playing next Friday. Let me treat you for your birthday. Not I'm going out with DH and SIL Friday ...want to come.

FFS, she is a piece of work, isn’t she? My husband once forgot my birthday years ago. He had some big work commitments and I let it slide. What is it with adults behaving like children over their precious birthday?

The so you've only been friends for five years? You do the whole card and it's thing but she's not arranged to meet around her birthday to celebrate?

All sounds very immature and I'd let her go .

Crazy!

Tbh this just feels like u have impossibly high standards 4 your friends. Your texts say the same things as mine but youve decided unless theyre worded the exact way you would do it theyre not kind and thoughtful. Nitpicking over small details about exactly the way someone sakd something instead of focusing on the meaning - ie the sorry and then the offer of a nice night - isnt kind imo. If someone invited me out I would never be like no you asked me in a slightly different way to how id have worded it so now im mad at you

ljke how are you critical of me for my messages but not her fkr ljterally telling me fuck off?

I like this a lot. The friend is a spoilt, entitled twat.
It’s a birthday - whoop de doo.

Your texts sounded fine op. Her response was uncalled for. If she was unhappy, something a lot less aggressive would have worked.

No need for such a nasty response.

exactly this, I'm not saying it isn't nice for it to be remebered by your OH or whatever but adults going crazy over Birthdays really mystifies me, it's so childish, big ones fair enough but even then I certainly wouldn't be impressed if any of my friends spoke or texted like that & I wouldn't dream of doing it either, people have enough going on in their lives at our age

Disclaimer* granted I hate my Birthday so I may be slightly biased

This thread makes me think I might “accidentally” forget a lot of birthdays just once to see who the drama queens are and get them out of my life

What kind of friendship relies on this level of care in writing texts. Why should op walk on egg shells like this. Who the f has the time or energy for this crap???

Take a photo of you wearing the silky turban gift (prize for visible label still attached) , pull a daft face, two thumbs up and send that with the words “ok” before blocking her.

Nobody needs that crap in their life. Her birthday issues are not your problem.

See just for putting this into perspective, I've had a friend who after 25 years of friendship I didn't message happy birthday until 2 weeks later. I called her quite upset because life has just been hectic and I couldn't believe I forgot all about it. She told me I was being ridiculous and not to be so silly.

Life happens and we all have to appreciate each others lives. While some might be running smooth, others might not. If I didn't have a calendar and wasn't working all the time, I'd forget what week it was!

Unless you have form for being a neglectful friend then you need to let this friend have her strop until she's ready to come out of it. If not chuck her back.

Ugly, unforgiving, self-absorbed tendencies shown in that two word response from her. Up to you how you respond but I would take it as a warning. Do you really need all that hassle in a friendship? Wouldn’t you be treading on egg shells in case you happened to upset her again? I think you have enough to contend with, without going back for more of that nasty drama from her.

Some people are really big on birthdays, others less so. You realised your error and tried to make up for it. But she still wants to punish you.
Don't sign up for that OP.

Personally, I would do as she tells you to do and stay well away now.
No response necessary.

I couldn't be arsed with a 'friend' like this. You're human, you forgot. It happens. You apologised, there was no need for her to be rude. Someone that behaves how she has really isn't a friend.