Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

Your friends is BU especially as you’ve said she has a birthday week! If someone said that to me I wouldn’t drop off the gift! No offence OP but you have ADD, a child with SEN and you’re in your 40’s so why on earth would you have another child??

Op there are some bat shit posts in this thread. FO seems quite a dramatic response to a small oversight

For all we know, OP could have had the tickets for ages. Or literally have just booked them.

Even IF the tickets had been remembered, and the birthday forgotten, that doesn't warrant being told to fuck off. Not when you've known someone for 5 years, and you know that they have ADD and an SN child. Friends are understanding.

This is a completely out of line post. Nothing even to do with the topic.

Obviously it’s a ridiculous response and you are not unreasonable. If you were both 14 then maybe this response would be a bit more normal

God , just block her - she is totally unreasonable

OP just text back 'was this meant for me?'

She's entitled tbh! I also have a friend who makes a massive deal of her birthday. She doesn't 'get' why I don't. It's all her friends and family hear about for weeks and if anyone forgets we have to hear all about it. Self centered and needy come to mind!

Think this is a friendship you could do without.

I absolutely love birthdays and have felt the sting a few times over the years when friends and family have forgotten, but I wouldn't even dream of speaking to them like that.

The younger me, however, would have text her back with something along the lines of "Well now I'm glad I forgot your birthday, you miserable moo" 😅

An excuse?

yikes

Just because the friend chooses to treat other people's birthdays in this manner doesn't obligate anyone else to. Anyone. Especially people with all kinds of things going wrong in their own lives on top of physical distance between them.

OP hasn't doesn't anything that should have resulted in the friend telling her to fuck off.

It’s my bday tomorrow, people know but I don’t bring it up and expect cards and presents. It’s nice if they do but also fine if they don’t we all have busy lives.

I expect she was also hacked off not to have her usual ‘birthday week’ and no party, with her DH away. Though I don’t get the difficulty with arranging something herself (for example booking a table at her favourite restaurant, how hard is that?). It sounds as if the OP and others would have been happy to come along, and would have brought cards and pressies with them.

Maybe that's why she's tetchy? Because her husband is away and she couldn't have the birthday she wanted?
I wouldn't apologise anymore. Perhaps ask if she is okay like another poster had suggested

I’m sorry OP but that’s no friend.

if you know each other because of your LO’s .. will you have to see her at school drop offs and pick ups? how awful if so …

Gosh I miss my grunting moody teens being young and innocent and cute and little but I do not miss those god awful school gates ….

I'm wondering what has to go wrong and at what point to create a 40-something birthday girl...

It's probably bred during one of those "the venue, the catering, the circus, the ponies, the fireworks" events aka a toddler's birthday.

I can never remember anyone's birthday except my own. Will I go to hell? If so do they have loony relatives there?

Unless something is going on with her and she will come back and apologise for her reaction, I don’t think you can be treading on egg shells around her.

I wouldn’t consider her to be a good friend based on this reaction.

Not sure why PP have been so critical of your message or invitation.

Hi OP, your friend sounds very needy. Maybe she's struggling, especially with her DH away, but that is no excuse for her horrible response to what was just an oversight.

I've never felt precious about friends and birthdays so can't quite understand but I would say she's a bit too demanding for you at this time in your life. In any case, she is the problem not you.

I’m glad you’re not my friend 😂

imagine treating every friend with the same level of effort you treat your kids and husband for their birthdays. Say that’s 15 friends, 10 close extended family members, 6 in laws - add to that the kids’ friends birthday parties and niece and nephews birthdays. While juggling a full time job and raising small humans…no wonder some women have a breakdown with those expectations on their time, efforts and headspace that men don’t have imposed on them.

OPs friend chooses to remember and drop a gift on the day- that’s her prerogative. Doesn’t mean OP is obliged to do the same. Most adults know that their friends have busy lives so may occasionally forget it’s their birthday.

If you genuinely 'came clean' in forgetting and apologised the she is being unreasonable. If you gave a bunch of excuses / reasons why you forgot, then that would be tiresome to hear.
I assume your friend is dealing with stuff too, so there may be stuff going on for her that caused her over-reaction.
Give her a chance to back down with humour, and you may find you have a stronger friendship. If not then she was never an equal friend anyway. Maybe reply 'I understand you need me to fck off, but I've got two fcking tickets for us to see fcking xxxxx, so let's fck off together and have some belated fcking fun for your fcking birth fcking day. RSVFckingP'

So many options were available to that woman - she could have texted 'I don't feel like going now I know how unbothered you were about my brithday'. Or 'no thanks'. Or just no reply at all.

There's no excuse for texting 'fuck off' to someone who is a friend, and so presumably this friendship is totally over and she no longer considers OP a friend. I would certainly be taking it that way and would not be replying to her - ever. When people tell me to fuck off, I take them at their word and fuck off.

She's not a friend and she's not normal. Even if I was going through a rough patch, a bit low and someone forgot my birthday, I wouldn't mind one little bit, it happens. Your 'friend' sounds really nasty, drop her and block her now.

There are a couple of birthday maniacs on this thread. 😂