Told to f*ck off for forgetting a birthday

[Anonforthisq]

First off I know im unreasonable for this part but I forgot my friends bday. I remembered the day after and texted on weds to say so sorry I forgot, happy bday, will drop a pressie round soon. Dont hear anything back but dont think anything off it, we both have young kids and busy lives. Texted her again today to ask if she wants to come to a concert I have tickets for next week and she just texted back ‘fuck off’

AIBU to think she’s totally ott?I know it’s bad I forgot (she always remembes!) but j apologised. It’s been a hard week. My youngest has slapped cheek and is miserable, oldest is SEN, I’m pregnant and have ADD. She knows all this btw. We’re women in our 40s, I like birthdays and celebrating but I wouldnt mind even a little bit of someone forgot my bday, especially if they apologised after.

I haven’t texted back and don’t know what to do now

Definitely ✊

"You don’t forget your child’s birthdays I assume or husbands or other close family"

You shouldn't assume anything. DH and I both have ADHD and we forgot our wedding anniversay this year. I also forgot his birthday; we don't "do" cards/presents but I forgot to wish him a happy birthday until lunchtime. Even when I know for weeks that a family member's birthday is coming up, suddenly it's three days away and I've forgotten to factor in the time it takes to actually plan, order, and wrap a gift.

It's not a bizarre excuse, ADHD highly disabling for some people and my lack of executive functioning has had a crippling effect on every area of my life. I have a million lists and reminders on my phone but no solution is fool-proof.

If the friend is 'allowed' to behave so dramatically over a birthday, the OP is allowed to decide that she doesn't want to cater to her friends fragile ego.

Op I don't mean this in a nasty way but having ADD and or being pregnant and dealing with the kids isn't a get out clause for forgetting important dates or making effort for your friends bday

What's the get out clause for telling a friend to fuck off?

Well. the card's pointless now.

The "friend" seems miffed about something. I can't believe that it's about the OP forgetting her birthday, as that is way too trivial to warrant the fuck off text. There must be something else going on.

Exactly. And all these “I can’t believe what I am reading” posts and “we don’t do this in my circle so cut her off” posts are just as bad as the fuck off

In “my circle” (ridiculous phrase but keeping up with the tone of this thread) if someone told me to fuck off and it was out of character for them, I would be concerned about them and want to check in to see what is going on. Not cut them off. To me that’s why most of MN seem to have an issue with friendships if they cut people off straight away with no conversation

And it’s not about having no boundaries it’s about being empathetic to someone IF it’s out of character. If it was an ongoing thing then I wouldn’t have bothered sending them a birthday message anyway, on the day or not

She's got stuff going on. She's probably supported you a lot. And now wants something back. It's a sign of severe stress.

This is a load of crap.

If this person takes some time and then comes back to apologise for the message and gives an explanation for their behaviour, by all means listen and forgive as appropriate.

No need to be a doormat though. Texting a friend to fuck off is never acceptable and you have the right to protect yourself. You have stuff going on too.

🤣🤣🤣 at some of these replies

Seriously, just give her a 🤣 or 👍 she will know you've read it and that you can't be arsed with her shit.

^I agree with this. Especially as the OP had already apologised for not remembering to text her on her actual birthday, and had in fact already bought her a card and pressie.

If you would allow your friend to tell you to fuck off, (no matter what the circumstances) and then you pandered to them to find out why... you need to raise your boundaries. The friend should be grown up enough to tell OP why she is annoyed and discuss it.

A friend wouldn’t tell you to fuck off, that’s disgusting.

Your friend is being ridiculous. A fuck off over a forgotten birthday message is over the top.

Is she normally so precious and high maintenance?

I forget things all the time - it’s called being human.

Just ignore all the stupid people on here giving you a hard time.

My boundaries are fine thanks. I am quite happy not to take shit from people but if it was out of character (and we obviously don’t know this friend to know if it was) my first response would be to act like a grown up and ask what’s up with you, are you ok not a 👍 or sarcastic comment

But this is MN where people want to go NC at the slightest thing

If it's out of character, the friend should reach out to you to apologise. It's not being a 'grown up' to ask why you were told to fuck off, it's being a doormat. It's also not going NC over the 'slightest thing'. If a friend told me to fuck off, that's a big thing. If they apologise, then fine, move on.

This is not a close friend. It is a friend through her children that she meets every month or two for a coffee.....telling her to fxxk off because she forgot her birthday and is big on birthdays?

Two right I would wonder is she aged 5, batshit, or both?!

It certainly wouldn't encourage me to invest further in such a casual friendship.

If she has a birthday week then surely you would have remembered as you’d have been invited to something?

Shes ott. But this isn’t about just that!

I think I would leave her alone to stew for a bit. She was out of order and shouldn't speak to a friend like that.
I'm wondering if other people forgot her birthday too and that's wound her up?

My best friend and I both have ADHD and don't actually know when each others birthdays are. Been friends for 20 years. Not everything is as important to everyone.

Fucking nutter.

As usual, posts like this "one side of the story" ones, bring out all the appalled, horrified and disgusting, commenters!
Nobody stops to think of the other persons side at all, because we're not getting that, are we?
Yes, the birthday "week" thing is absolutely pathetic, I agree. Can't be arsed with that!
If the fuck off comment from her supposed friend, was just for the lack of acknowledgement of her birthday, then of course, that was totally batshit crazy and out of order.
But... Her husband is away and maybe/possibly forgot her birthday too.
She makes an effort to remember the OPs birthday, so may just be feeling a little put out about it.
Maybe nobody else wished her happy birthday and if it's a thing for her, then it's a thing. We don't know whether she's usually a princess, entitled, or what!
She may have other things going on and that was the straw that broke the camels back.
We don't know the friend, much as we don't know the OP.
There are always 3 sides to a story; theirs, yours and the truth!
If it was totally out of character for her to send a fuck off, I'd be more worried that the friend was having problems I wasn't aware of. And I'd want to know if she was ok.
I also think that when you're friends, then a wish on the day and a promise to get together with a card and present soon, isn't a hard thing to do!
I've always done small presents and nicely chosen cards for my friends, but that's my thing. I'm certainly not the sort to spit my dummy out like that if I didn't get them back!

She's just bloody rude. Tell her never to speak to you like that again, you don't need it, now or ever. Then block her ass.

You made a mistake. She did it on purpose. She’s an adult. I hate it when adults make a fuss over their birthday especially my friends about their birthday but forget mine.

I would not be contacting someone like her.
don’t be too hard on yourself . You have a lot on your plate.