To be mildly astonished at these moms?

[ShutterNutBosh]

Hullo good afternoon.

I'm a parent of an 18 year old lad.

He's going on a group holiday with 7 friends tomorrow to Ibiza.

We have a moms' group chat. Had it for many years as 5 of from primary joined the same secondary school together and we've socialised since as families and 3 other moms have joined over the years as their children palled up with our 5.

It appears that several of the moms are packing for their offspring for this trip.

I'm a smidge astounded at this, these are captured children who are mostly off to university soon. This doesn't seem to be helping to pack, it's actually packing for them. 🤨 a couple have mentioned its just easier that way, one child is swampy in bed with a hangover.

Where's the encouragement to independence?

YABU: it's fine for moms (or parents but in this case is definitely the female parents) to pack for 18 year Olds.

YANBU: a bit of guidance or nowt help at all is the way to go

Ha! I've made mine do their own packing since they went to cub camp around the age of 10. If you don't know what you need for a week away at the age of 18, it about time you learned. Screw playing handmaid to a grown man.
The only help I gave my 18-year old when he went travelling recently for three months was 'don't forget to pack condoms'.

Your job as a parent is to raise your children to be able to survive as adults without you.

My 10 year old packs her own clothes I have given her packing cubes and some guidance and she gets on with it. Even has a list and ticks stuff off as she packs it. She did it for her residential and guided trips and for our family holidays. She likes the independence.

I agree. And the weird mixed vocabulary: nowt,lad, captured, mom … 🤷

Pleased it’s not just me who didn’t know what the hell she meant by captured and swampy…🤨

I know not one single woman alive today who packs for her DH. I just asked MIL (74) if she knew any and she said her mother (a stay at home wife, never worked) might have, but that would have been the 1950s and 1960s!!!

The OP established pretty early on that 'captured' was an auto correct for capable. Does nobody read?

@MissingKitty why are you so bothered about how people say terms for mother? Mom is used here lots and im
in Essex and London. I barely even notice the difference these days. Funny how it stands out to you or seemingly bothers you so much ?!…

Agree that is really pathetic. My 14 yr old is off to Iceland without me on Wednesday. Other than telling her she needs to take her warm coat and comfy shoes for walking, which I did tonight, I'm not expecting to be involved in packing at all!

My DD is 14. She went in a school
trip abroad and I told her the packing list before and after she packed to check she had everything.
We live abroad and come back to the UK for the summer. I did the same again (different stuff) and she packed for herself.
I think you are not unreasonable at all to expect an 18 year old to be able to do it themselves albeit with a quick reminder when packed. Just in case - wouldn’t we all love that?!

Some kids have their head in the clouds. My 20 year old just went on a two week road trip from Philly to California with a couple of friends. Due to fly back. As she was running out the door I said “got your passport? Wallet? Phone charger?”

she didn’t have wallet or passport. We actually had to mail the passport to an address in California. And it was 2 weeks expired too. Somehow she arrived home unscathed but god knows how they drove all that way without incident.

At least these lads have the opportunity to go away and parents to support that. They may not be the best but they will grow up very fast and be on their own. So many people never have that luxury

Really. ? I'm in Essex and never heard it. Spent 10 years living in London also and never heard it there either

Most wives?

There was a Mum on here recently who was upset about a holiday because she had to do all the packing. I said she needed to get her FIVE year old packing for themselves.

My 18yo DC may be SEND but they've been able to pack their own case since they were tiny! I wouldn't trust them to cross a road safely but boy, they know how to pack. I did used to check it when they were in primary school - or we'd make a list of everything in the case to help them remember to bring everything back in their early teens but this was SEND related.

And, honestly, it's IBIZA. They'll probably wear the same two pairs of shorts the the whole time and nothing else 😂. And they can buy anything they've forgotten.

You are decidedly not BU. But you are definitely allowed to snigger.

I'm all for encouraging independence but saying five year olds can pack their case is a bit of a joke to be honest.

Mine did. There was guidance involved like letting them know how many days and telling them to put in short sleeve AND long sleeve shirts for colder days but they knew to pick their books, pack hairbrush, hair bands, toothbrush, toothpaste, plus count # of socks, etc. I'd been teaching them since they were 2. But they also dressed themselves at 2. Mine don't have SEN so possibly a different scenario there.

Cripes, my son went on his first boys holiday abroad at 17. He wouldn't have let me near his things to pack. I wouldn't have wanted to anyway as he was old enough to know what was needed. He even weighed his case and then rooted out things he didn't really need.

And I'm not sure you read the answer in the context of an interaction. In dialogue, people might say yes to agree with or affirm what has already been said.

You questioned another comment, so clearly yes means I too feel it's odd that the mothers are using the group chat about their grown sons. The rest of my sentence should also have helped you check, as I said that using for 18 year olds was unusual.

So to answer your question directly, which I wasn't actually contractually bound to based on using the quote function, some time before they're already adults at 18...

No it really isn't! I've only ever seen it used by Americans

Well exactly! 🙄

@phoenixrosehere I know a lot of Australians and haven't once heard any of them say "Mom"

Yes but surely dialect is spoken and not written. You may say Mom but write Mum?

Yes, Iceland is a very very big supermarket

So mard to have your mum packing for you at 18.