To be mildly astonished at these moms?

[ShutterNutBosh]

Hullo good afternoon.

I'm a parent of an 18 year old lad.

He's going on a group holiday with 7 friends tomorrow to Ibiza.

We have a moms' group chat. Had it for many years as 5 of from primary joined the same secondary school together and we've socialised since as families and 3 other moms have joined over the years as their children palled up with our 5.

It appears that several of the moms are packing for their offspring for this trip.

I'm a smidge astounded at this, these are captured children who are mostly off to university soon. This doesn't seem to be helping to pack, it's actually packing for them. 🤨 a couple have mentioned its just easier that way, one child is swampy in bed with a hangover.

Where's the encouragement to independence?

YABU: it's fine for moms (or parents but in this case is definitely the female parents) to pack for 18 year Olds.

YANBU: a bit of guidance or nowt help at all is the way to go

Helping you pack and packing for you are two totally different things.

Your mum taught you a life skill, if she had just done it for you you'd never have learnt anything.

I do think that many parents don't realise that it is their main job to teach their children the things they need to learn to be independent!

I took my kids to the far east at Easter, backpacking. Kids had to pack themselves. DS (13) got a bit of help, DD(16) got no help. We laughed about how much we'd over packed. Good lesson learnt.

Yes, very "independent" isn't it🙊

There's nothing wrong with "helping" as much as they need to teach them. Doing it for them is not helpful at all though.

My AuDHD DS went travelling around Europe at about the same age. He organised it all with his girlfriend with minimal involvement from us. He bought what he needed and packed it. I gave him a few reminders/tips about essentials he definitely needed to have in place (insurance, sun cream etc) and i answered questions if asked. I think my DH and DS's dad also gave him some packing tips as they've also been travelling with a big rucksacks (not together! lol!).

I deliberately took a big step back as the travelling is a learning experience. If someone sorts everything for you, resolves all your problems, makes your decisions, you don't learn anything. So he knew we were there for help and guidance if needed, but we didn't step in and do it all for him.

Even as an adult, though? Wouldn't they have learnt by then?

@MissingKitty

As a general rule people from the UK say mum, and the US say mom.

No, people in the UK do NOT say 'mum' for their mother as a general rule. 🙄 Educate yourself!

Stop assuming that just because YOU say 'mum' that everyone in the UK does. Most of my Lancashire friends say Mam, (and so do my Geordie/Northumbria friends.) My DH's Irish family say Mammy, most of my friends, colleagues, neighbours, and acquaintances in the Midlands say MOM, and some people I know say mother or mama.

Just admit you're in the wrong here! Also, you are being very rude attacking someone purely for saying 'mom.' Have a word with yourself!

@ShutterNutBosh It is NOT that unusual for moms to pack their young adult child's suitcase.

My not quite 11 yo is going to France with scouts this summer.

I’ll be supervising but he’ll be packing his backpack himself. How can I expect him to pack to come back if he can’t pack to go?

My 10yo gathers his stuff for going on holiday, the only reason I do the actual packing is because I like to split our clothes between cases so if one goes missing we still all have clothing. But if I'm not going, I don't do any of the packing, when they go to MILs with DH they do everything themselves.

Every single time there's a post where the OP uses 'mom', someone questions it as being an 'Americanism' or a bot/AI. Absolutely done to death, it's embarrassing how small minded people are. I'm surprised this keeps having to be repeated. It's not a new thing. It is very very common in the West Midlands/Black Country/South Staffs. The Uk has hundreds of regional accents. Many with a different way of saying mother. It's not the law that we have to say Mum in the Uk. Shock horror, we don't all say Mummy and we don't all speak the queens English! It's just shows how completely ignorant a vast majority of people are to be honest.

I had a mom, my mom had a mom. My mom's mom had a mom way back in the 1800's. And so on and so on...All of us born and bread Black Country.

I am not wrong. Calm down dear. And I didn’t attack anyone, unlike you grumpy guts! And I didn’t say everyone in the UK says mum, but it’s obviously common. Maybe have a word with yourself about why you are so mad about nothing. I was born in Lancashire and I’ve never met anyone else from there that says mam, they all say mum, clearly there is plenty of variation! But mum is still very common in England at the very least.

100 million per cent this! ^ 👏

The lack of education - and narrow-mindedness - from some people on here is scary and worrying. It always comes with a side order of arrogance and snootiness too. I'm embarrassed for them truth be told!

@MissingKitty For goodness sake just STOP. Admit you're wrong. Just own it. You're embarrassing yourself 'dear.' 🙄

Also, you said you were from Yorkshire - not Lancashire. Make your mind up!

My 9 yo packs for himself to go on cub camp from the kit list they provide. I make sure he has all the right stuff to start with but he hets it all out, folds it and puts it in his rucksack in appropriate places and makes sure he has his torch and washbag etc to hand. I double check everythings ticked off the list at the end. I haven't paid any attention to my 13yo packing for years. I tell her how many nights we're away and likely activities (eg swimming, walks, nice dinner out) and she packs accordingly. I have way too much other stuff to do to find the time to micro manage my kids.

I’m not wrong, it’s common, that’s just a fact. I acknowledge almost immediately pages she that mom was a regional thing. Get a grip. I only responded again because of your attack, so if you don’t like me posting in response then just STOP 🙄

A large proportion of Brummies say Mom.

Someone from Yorkshire or Lancashire who's never heard anyone say Mam too 😆

I’m from Yorkshire, depending where you live people say either Mum, Mummy, Mom, Mommy, Mother or Mam.

they also say grandma, nan, nannan, granny or gran for their mums mum lol

Also a late edit there. I’ve lived in Yorkshire for years, was born in Lancashire and lived there until I went to uni in wales. I moved areas, another common thing that! Fancy that.

I think if it's a first trip alone I'd assist them to pack. Would get them to put out what they want to take and then go through it and pack with them making sure they haven't forgotten anything.

This is to mainly prevent scenarios where they get there and realise they have forgotten X,Y,Z and don't have to buy them or calling asking for money to buy missing items.

Especially with all the 'moms'. (I know, I know, before the tirade from midlanders...)

Tirade is in full force already!

Oh my God, who cares about mum/mom/ mother/whatever the fuck.

And OP - who cares if they're packing for their kids. Either have it out with them stating that in your opinion they're stunting their kids' development or let them get on with it. A chorus of YANBU on Mumsnet isn't going to make any difference. Likelihood is they'll think WTAF has it got to do with you, but there you go.
My DD has done her own packing whilst I just asked several times if she had her passport. If another parent decided to pass comment on what I'd done - or hadn't done - I really wouldn't be impressed.

That poster at least acknowledged that mom is used in the UK though and doesn’t use the excuse that because they personally never experienced it, it must not happen.

Ridiculous. Nothing wrong with a bit of help but doing the job for them is just babying.

6yo kids should be able to get to grips with the basics of packing. Obviously not take full responsibility but should have the ability to locate x pairs of pants and socks, y t-trines and z trousers and dump them in or near the suitcase.

Reminds me of a friend of mine who leaves sandwiches in the fridge for her student DCs when she goee out for the day.

There are many children who have never had the privilege to travel and are therefore not practised in packing a suitcase. Know your privilege.