To be mildly astonished at these moms?

[ShutterNutBosh]

Hullo good afternoon.

I'm a parent of an 18 year old lad.

He's going on a group holiday with 7 friends tomorrow to Ibiza.

We have a moms' group chat. Had it for many years as 5 of from primary joined the same secondary school together and we've socialised since as families and 3 other moms have joined over the years as their children palled up with our 5.

It appears that several of the moms are packing for their offspring for this trip.

I'm a smidge astounded at this, these are captured children who are mostly off to university soon. This doesn't seem to be helping to pack, it's actually packing for them. 🤨 a couple have mentioned its just easier that way, one child is swampy in bed with a hangover.

Where's the encouragement to independence?

YABU: it's fine for moms (or parents but in this case is definitely the female parents) to pack for 18 year Olds.

YANBU: a bit of guidance or nowt help at all is the way to go

YANBU - if you have to pack for your 18 year old then I think it's safe to say you've failed at parenting.

Yes, it's odd to still be actively using it even if it still exists at 18.

My thought exactly

Yes what? I’m not sure you read the question.

Pathetic aren't they. You wouldn't catch me packing for an 18 year old adult .

Mom needs to do their packing but they'll have no problems arranging drugs and condoms.

There's been one time I packed for my DD when she was 19. She'd just suffered a horrific loss (boyfriend died just weeks prior) and she was off to her new university far away (she had to fly alone). She could barely get out of bed, so I ran round her room and packed up her clothes, asking her questions of what she wanted to bring and making suggestions (she made it through that year, but it was a struggle for her). Unless your child has something major like this or has serious developmental issues due to a neurodivergent diagnosis (and then, not always), why in the world would they need or want their mother to be in charge of their own packing?!??! I'm also an American and packing for grown children is not a cultural thing here.

My DDs started packing for themselves under my guidance at age 2. Not kidding. I'd tell them. "We'll be gone for 3 days." They'd run to their dressers and count three socks, drop in the luggage, run back to me to tell me "Mommy, I packed 3 socks." Then I'd say, "Now, how about shirts?" THey'd run for three shirts and the cycle would continue. ANd I'd remind them to just pack 1 pj or maybe two. They'd pick a few books, their favorite stuffie or doll and then try to zip it up. Kids LOVE this stuff and they learn fast. The older they got, the more complicated it became where they'd write out lists and ask if we had the right sunscreen. Around age 6 or 7, I'd just review their suitcases to make sure they hadn't overlooked things, but then around age 10, outside general guidance, "Hey, we want to hike a lot on this trip, pack accordingly," they were in charge of their stuff. In their teens, DDs traveled without me on school trips and then later their own planned trips. I never guided anything and they were fine. Also, it taught them how to overcome little mistakes, like forgetting sunscreen or overlooking the need for bug spray.

At 18, having mommy pack your clothes or even guide you is simply pathetic. I hope my DDs have better dating prospects than these young men. Sheesh.

OP, you VERY NOT U

My two both have friends like this so it doesn't surprise me. I don't think it's the end of the world though, they'll manage when they need to.

Mine are late teens and both away at the moment on lads holidays... I still get a 'mum, do I need to take a hoody?' even though they've done it numerous times before.

If only everyone could be such a perfect parent as you are. You sound very judgy. What does it matter to you if their parents pack for them.

My daughter (18) recently went away with her good friend (19). I was very surprised that the friend's mum packed and that my child needed to take the lead for dealing with airport check in, hotel check in, restaurant staff, bus transfers and the excursions they went on.

But she has been responsible for packing more and more for her stuff over the years by herself with visits eow when she was younger with her dad and visits to his parents.

Yup. Talk about a turnoff.

I always think it's a American poster when I see 'mom'. I think 'mum' is the more commonly used version in the UK (Mum as in 'mumsnet').

I would naturally use "mom" if writing texts, emails to family as that is what is common from the part of the UK where we are from. But I use mum when conversing generally or on forums etc.

Mine help with packing now at 6 & 8, I tell them what to get and they lay it on their bed. I packed my own case on my first girls holiday at 17, would be very odd for my mum to be involved in that at all!

In the UK or in England?

From what I’ve seen here over the years, mum is common in parts of England but not all. My husband definitely doesn’t say mum, he says mam.

Where? I’ve never heard mom used in the UK except by one instagram loving friend who uses it primarily to gain engagement from USA based accounts. Is this a new thing?!

As for the packing, you are 100% right and a bit of guidance is all I’d be giving my eighteen year old!

I haven't packed for DDs since they were quite little, probably 8 or 10 - I just used to run through what they had packed with them to make sure they hadn't just packed teddies and biscuits. Even DD2 who has ADHD managed it ok, I never had to change or add much. In fact they did better than me as I forgot to pack any pants for DD2 one time! We were only on the Isle of Wight and nipped to M&S.

At 18 I wouldn't presume to know what clothes to pack for DD1. I did wash her clothes when she came back from Majorca and I don't think I'd ever even seen some of the clothes she packed! She has bought almost all her own clothes since she got a pt job at 16.

My sons are far more organised than me and DH. From the age of about 10 they were in charge on making the holiday packing spreadsheet. I’d remind an 18 year old to be sure they had essential items but certainly not pack for them .

People saying "what's the harm?". I remember going on holiday age 19 with some friends and a couple of them had been really babied by their parents. We arrived at the hotel and they didn't have our booking and it was full. Those two girls immediately burst into tears, one even rang her mum crying. Parents are supposed to prepare their kids for adulthood, not leave them so vulnerable and incompetent.

At uni there were boys who slept on bare mattresses and had piles of stinking clothes in their room as they didn't know how to do laundry. They would eat a kebab every night as they didn't know how to cook. Imagine what kind of husband and dad they'll turn out to be.

But then, my mum is always surprised I don't pack for DH.

Re-packing to come home is much easier though , you don't need to worry about rolling and folding to avoid creases , just squeeze everything into the bag and pull the zip shut

I am not a robot. 🤖

DS (17) is going on his first holiday (well flight) by himself and meeting with his friend’s family in a few weeks.

DS does have ADHD and I do help him with things like this. He’s really not organised and with this being his very first trip without us AND by himself going through security etc, I will absolutely be helping him.

I didn’t need help at his age but every DC is different so no need to feel sorry for their ‘future wife’ I’m sure in time things will fall into place, for some it takes a bit longer than others!

I’m not surprised.

I remember my first year of uni and meeting students who didn’t know how to do their own laundry when I was doing loads and ironing on my own at 11.

Your experience is different from what OP is saying though.

Your mother gave you guidance and that helped you learn how to pack for future trips and be independent. In OPs story the parents are packing for the kids not guiding and teaching them while they are hungover or just not giving a damn. Big difference.

The issue is they will become men who will end up being extra children for their wives, do the bare minimum while the wife struggles to deal with everything.