Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

[Brunchclub]

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

there are many kind responses on this thread but also, not surprising, so many people who still have the mentality that poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves. This is Tory narrative that I really hope the new government will help shift people from and highlights how big an issue this mentality is.

Poor peoples financial status doesn’t change from having the odd day out or treat. I understand that people will find it hard to comprehend why people with little money would put themselves in certain positions, but when money is soemthing you never have and it’s always a worry and you don’t get holidays or the mince you buy is always the small pack of 20% fat and fresh fruit isn’t even a question unless it’s the £1 pack of children’s sizes apples or oranges, you have to find some distraction from how miserable life is sometimes.

It does not change your long term finances. I’ll be poor this month as I will next month and the months and years after that. I will never own my home, or go on foreign holidays. And lending £40 for an afternoon in the sun after working all week is a small price to pay to forget all that for a few hours.

Also my pets are worked into my monthly budget to be fed, flead and wormed. In the past I’ve worked over time for them to be neutered and chipped. They’ll always eat before I do. They are the only source of constant happiness I have. They keep me warm in winter when I can’t afford to keep the heating on long, they stop me from crying in what would be an otherwise empty house at the end of a hard day. They are loved and looked after beyond imagination and they are absolutely a priority.

He's vile. When you do pay off dump him

And get towels from Lidl or superdrug there own brands are good. When you do get some cash stock up on cans and noodles as back ups. Hope your situation improves

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I am a single person on a low income. I can't work due to disability for which I get a small amount of money from HM Government. I only go out to pay my rent, go to the local library and get basic food for me and my cat. He's great company. If I didn't have him, the radio and library books, I would probably do away with myself. Don't tell people to give up their companion animal/s. Mine is a life- saver.

I’ve been in your shoes OP, I grew up very poor and often not able to afford the basics. I’m thankfully in a different situation now but the ignorance of those who have never been poor still astounds me! People can’t understand that you simply don’t have the money and no way to get it!

Millions live on the brink everyday. My mum lived that way her whole life. People need to be less ignorant and more understanding.

Yes, listen to Pantaloons99! This is very dark!

Don’t want to but going to anyway? Classy.

Sorry for your situation op that's and easy done we had a £300 emergency vet bill last month and until insurance pays out we are short but a pack of pads are 50p from tesco. After 25 years buying always ive switched to supermarket own and theyre absolutely fine. Agree with others re: food bank if you haven't already looked into that.
And dump that so called friend too

Oh give it a rest Hermione. People do daft things. We’re not all bloody perfect.

As others said go get free pads from Morrisons, but if you can’t get out for some reason and need something quick then use a face cloth that you can wash instead of using up toilet roll, you can keep a few aside and wash them.

All I can think of the next communication being if you sleep with him or do XYZ etc he's trying to manipulate you.

Did you also borrow lots of money for drinking when you were very poor?

Isn’t the second week of July tomorrow though? So you can’t pay today but you can tomorrow?
The friends messaging you is weird but his house and who paid for what is none of your business.
In future maybe don’t borrow money to go out drinking if you can’t afford food or sanitary products.

Isn’t the second week of July tomorrow though? So you can’t pay today but you can tomorrow?

my pay days are Fridays. We’ve been friends many years so he knows this. So he understands when I said which week that it’d be the Friday of said week

Have you really never had enough money for sanitary protection but gone out with a so called friend for drinks? I couldn’t allow that to happen to me.

👏

I agree with other posters. He is not your friend. You made it clear before you borrowed the money that you wouldn’t be able to pay it back until a certain time. He said that was fine, so it is not okay for him to ask for it back early. Why do his other ‘friends’ even know that he loaned you this money? It didn’t need discussed with anyone else in the first place. It isn’t due to be paid back yet! I’d do as others have said. Pay him back as soon as you are able too and have nothing more to do with him.

Oh shut up you smug arse. Hopefully you never find yourself in OP's position. Until you have, get lost

Good for you!

poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves

But it’s not a question about that. Most of us have been there. It’s a choice to borrow £40 to go out drinking. You could drink at home with friends if that is what you want to do.
£40 is a lot of money, if you don’t have much. If you can’t afford to buy sanitary towels.
If you borrow £40 it’s £40 less next month. It’s just reality.

I don’t think I’m alone here.

I have been. Like most of us. Get lost yourself.

Edit; that is when I learnt how to cook something out of nearly nothing. A good skill to have, money or not.

Clearly you have not comprehended my thread.

I wasn’t without money for sanitary products because I had a few drinks. I didn’t have money for sanitary products because of unforeseen cat antibiotics.

The only reason I referenced my financial situation was because I was upset that somebody who is well off lied about not affording food as a manipulation to attempt to get me to pay him back earlier than agreed was upsetting as he actually wasn’t in that position at all and as somebody who is I couldn’t imagine lying to manipulate a situation like that.

My dad always told me "never a borrower or a lender be" and whilst he was wrong about many things i agree with him on this sentiment. Money is an area that I find causes issues between people so try to avoid it if I can.

That being said, this 'friend' convinced you to go out and being as hard up as you sound it probably seemed like a nice gesture and something that would have been enjoyable.

Unfortunately a lesson learned...