Page 9 | Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

Brunchclub · 2024-07-07T14:24:03+00:00

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine. Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair. This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable. AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

HowIrresponsible · 08/07/2024 13:30

Never a borrower or a lender be with friends. If you're using loo roll for pads and have no food I'd think twice about keeping a pet.

Robynxoxo · 08/07/2024 13:35

I think it's wonderful you love your pets so much. As for that loser, pay him back and never speak to him again.

MyCatHatesSandals · 08/07/2024 13:46

Brunchclub · 08/07/2024 00:00

reusable pads will be a great way going forward.

if anyone has tips on washing them by hand wash please share! I tend to only do one wash a week and put everything in then.

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Either that or a moon-cup, Brunch, which is easier to keep clean and lasts years and years.

HeapsOfStuff · 08/07/2024 13:49

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request.

Desertislandparadise · 08/07/2024 13:54

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 15:36

Because I had money to live on at the time but not spare for some drinks. Then unexpected vet bills wiped me out on food and toiletries money. I can pay him back on pay day. The vet bills were unforeseen. And no, I don’t have savings as I don’t earn enough to save. This is the realities of being working class. But go ahead and tell poor people how they can’t enjoy a few drinks in the sun as an escape of our miserable lives every other day. We deserve to have some fun too.

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Being poor sucks. Having some savings frees up so much mental energy and opens up so many more choices .
If you ever end up having some extra money to spend on drinks or other 'luxuries' try to stick it straight into a savings account or anywhere not easily accessible.
Try to trick your brain into seeing money saved as a a special treat to yourself. Aim for 50 pounds saved. Then when you've got that, aim for 100 and keep going from there.

smellsfishy · 08/07/2024 14:12

Borrowing / lending money between friends is rarely a good idea (regardless of financial status) but mostly, this bloke isn't your friend. A friend would say don't worry come over and I will get some wine in, not "lend" you money renege on the terms and then harass you & give your number to other people so they can also bully and harass you. Also - drugs. You can't trust drug addicts or those with a "drug habit". It's an expensive hobby & it turns people into selfish arseholes. At best. Steer clear!

SashaPicklepops · 08/07/2024 17:49

There's a place called All Yours, they give free sanitary products. There's a group on fb, called, All Yours Volunteers (private group) contact them for help. X

OneTC · 08/07/2024 17:58

All other details of your post beyond "borrowed the money with an agreed repay date then matey welched on it"

Your financial position, his financial position, your priorities are all irrelevant.

The bloke is an arsehole, his friends are arseholes. If one of my mates asked me to ring someone and guilt them about money I'd be a) amazed I knew such an arsehole and b) tell him he was arsehole.

Pinkheffalump · 08/07/2024 18:09

The guy is a total control freak. Like others have said pay the money back and don't have any contact with him again.

OhcantthInkofaname · 08/07/2024 18:14

He clearly didn't need the money -he was out with his friends. He set his friends on you for sport to humiliate you.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 08/07/2024 18:17

HowIrresponsible · 08/07/2024 13:30

Never a borrower or a lender be with friends. If you're using loo roll for pads and have no food I'd think twice about keeping a pet.

And what is she supposed to do with the cat? You do know rescues are full to bursting and have long waiting lists? (Not that I actually think OP should or needs to rehome the cat)

Roa · 08/07/2024 18:24

He could have just made it his treat if he wanted to go out so much and you couldn't afford it. He's a Kant. Message him "I remind you that my condition for going out with you on that specific day was that I would pay you back on..., which condition you agreed to. Therefore, I will pay you back on.... as per our verbal agreement. Please stop harassing me in the meantime! Please stop getting your friends to harass me!"
After you pay him back, block him on everything and make it clear he is not to contact you again in future. I would also threaten to call police, because it is quite obvious what's happening here.

Batteredcodmushypeasandafalafal · 08/07/2024 18:40

Brunchclub · 08/07/2024 00:00

reusable pads will be a great way going forward.

if anyone has tips on washing them by hand wash please share! I tend to only do one wash a week and put everything in then.

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Have you ever tried a cup? They're so easy to use and mean no washing of pads etc.

NannaKaren · 08/07/2024 19:25

Good riddance to him (and his awful ‘mates’)…
and I think you can pick up pads/tampons at libraries (🤞🏻)

Bernardo1 · 08/07/2024 20:23

He's wrong and a complete entitled wanker.

Having said that, why on earth would you go out for drinks if you couldn't afford to?

CeruleanDive · 08/07/2024 20:24

Bernardo1 · 08/07/2024 20:23

He's wrong and a complete entitled wanker.

Having said that, why on earth would you go out for drinks if you couldn't afford to?

RTFT. Or at least a couple of OP's posts.

T1Dmama · 08/07/2024 22:24

Coffeerum · 07/07/2024 18:45

Isn’t the second week of July tomorrow though? So you can’t pay today but you can tomorrow?
The friends messaging you is weird but his house and who paid for what is none of your business.
In future maybe don’t borrow money to go out drinking if you can’t afford food or sanitary products.

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I would class middle of July / second week to be around 15th.

T1Dmama · 08/07/2024 22:51

Please be careful if going with the moon cups in future. I tired these & prolapsed my womb removing them!
I then bought the washable pads which were great..

Bowies · 09/07/2024 00:17

I wouldn’t have gone for the drinks under these circumstances OP - as in borrowing money to do so.

He should have offered to pay for your drinks not to lend you money - or accepted your no.

Yes he’s being unreasonable, he and his friends seem very immature.

I do think you were unwise to take him up on his offer to lend you money so you could accompany him out drinking.

HappyDaysKeepSmiling · 09/07/2024 00:52

I have sent you a PM

EMUKE · 09/07/2024 06:21

I’m unsure on your age but assuming young. This isn’t a friend and I understand the wanting to go out and have a few drinks however priority's have to take over at some point. I too grew up V.poor and I live by my means stating if I can’t afford it I don’t have it. This friend that lent you the money would they have lent you money to buy basics for the week if they knew your current status or was it an easy loan as company on a night out?!? That’s the friendship I would question! I’d pay him back and once done, message stating you knew he was out till early hours the other night and having his friends plead his poverty has shown you your at different stages in life and not to ask you to go out again.

AllGoodNamesRGone · 09/07/2024 07:49

Sorry if this has been mentioned, I haven't read all replies. If you go to Morrisons (if you have one nearby) and ask for 'a package for Sandy' at customer services you will be given a pack of sanitary products for free.

anon666 · 09/07/2024 08:09

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:05

there are many kind responses on this thread but also, not surprising, so many people who still have the mentality that poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves. This is Tory narrative that I really hope the new government will help shift people from and highlights how big an issue this mentality is.

Poor peoples financial status doesn’t change from having the odd day out or treat. I understand that people will find it hard to comprehend why people with little money would put themselves in certain positions, but when money is soemthing you never have and it’s always a worry and you don’t get holidays or the mince you buy is always the small pack of 20% fat and fresh fruit isn’t even a question unless it’s the £1 pack of children’s sizes apples or oranges, you have to find some distraction from how miserable life is sometimes.

It does not change your long term finances. I’ll be poor this month as I will next month and the months and years after that. I will never own my home, or go on foreign holidays. And lending £40 for an afternoon in the sun after working all week is a small price to pay to forget all that for a few hours.

Also my pets are worked into my monthly budget to be fed, flead and wormed. In the past I’ve worked over time for them to be neutered and chipped. They’ll always eat before I do. They are the only source of constant happiness I have. They keep me warm in winter when I can’t afford to keep the heating on long, they stop me from crying in what would be an otherwise empty house at the end of a hard day. They are loved and looked after beyond imagination and they are absolutely a priority.

You sound really sensible OP, and I admire the way you've responded to the many ignorant assumptions on this thread.

Some people genuinely have never been poor.

You have every right to keep your pets and your occasional afternoon in the sun!!

People think they have the right to dictate to and lecture less well.off. It's a horrible power balance in our Tory, Daily Fail society.

🥰🥰

Lavenderblue11 · 09/07/2024 12:08

MummaMummaJumma · 07/07/2024 15:32

Oh my luv, some of the supermarkets will give you some sanitary products for free. Morrisons being one, just have a quick search online.

Just ignore them, pay back the money when you can and don’t speak with him again x

This is true. There should be a sign in the ladies toilet saying what to do, but basically you go to customer services and ask for a 'package for [insert code name].
Bless you, good luck xx

usernamealreadytaken · 09/07/2024 12:53

Brunchclub · 07/07/2024 18:05

there are many kind responses on this thread but also, not surprising, so many people who still have the mentality that poor people who can’t afford basics shouldn’t ever enjoy themselves. This is Tory narrative that I really hope the new government will help shift people from and highlights how big an issue this mentality is.

Poor peoples financial status doesn’t change from having the odd day out or treat. I understand that people will find it hard to comprehend why people with little money would put themselves in certain positions, but when money is soemthing you never have and it’s always a worry and you don’t get holidays or the mince you buy is always the small pack of 20% fat and fresh fruit isn’t even a question unless it’s the £1 pack of children’s sizes apples or oranges, you have to find some distraction from how miserable life is sometimes.

It does not change your long term finances. I’ll be poor this month as I will next month and the months and years after that. I will never own my home, or go on foreign holidays. And lending £40 for an afternoon in the sun after working all week is a small price to pay to forget all that for a few hours.

Also my pets are worked into my monthly budget to be fed, flead and wormed. In the past I’ve worked over time for them to be neutered and chipped. They’ll always eat before I do. They are the only source of constant happiness I have. They keep me warm in winter when I can’t afford to keep the heating on long, they stop me from crying in what would be an otherwise empty house at the end of a hard day. They are loved and looked after beyond imagination and they are absolutely a priority.

How about people who are or have been poor, whether Tory or not, who also wouldn't have borrowed money (and how many drinks for £40??!) just to go out for a drink? Do our opinions count? Being entitled to have fun is one thing, but getting in to debt for it is something else.