Rich ‘friend’ harassing me

[Brunchclub]

A few weeks ago a ‘friend’ asked me to go for some drinks and I told him I didn’t have the money to do so. He offered to lend me some money as he really wanted to get out and enjoy the weather. I told him if I did then I couldn’t pay the money back until around the second week in July. He said this was absolutely fine.

Fast forward to last night, he asked for the money. I said I didn’t have it until when I had stated, he had 2 more of his friends (also male btw) message me throughout the evening claiming he needed the money to be able to eat and I was being unfair.

This morning somebody I know told me they saw him out watching the England game and was out until 4am. He owns his house, paid for by his parents, his car Is paid for by parents and he doesn’t actually do anything except basic admin tasks for a few hours a day as his parents own the company. He is very very comfortable.

AIBU to be upset he had several friends message me late at night claiming he was going hungry when In fact im say with rolled up toilet paper in my underwear as I can’t afford sanitary towels and I’m on my period, I have 2 meals in my freezer but nothing for the rest of the week until I get paid on Friday and my bank is wiped out from vet bills just so he can ask for money that wasn’t due to be paid back yet because he wanted more for buying drugs and drinks?

OP you're perfectly entitled to go out for a drink, but I think in this particular instance you made a mistake by agreeing to borrow from him, just so that HE could have a drinking partner. If he wanted you to go that much, bearing in mind that you say that he's not short of money, then he should have offered to pay, and in your shoes, I would have said just that, ie, 'if you want me to go for a drink with you, you're going to have to pay for me, as I just don't have the money'. If he didn't want to do that, then fine, you'd have saved your money, and not wasted time on a wanker like this. I think you've now seen him for what he really is, and have made the right decision to block him and just pay what you owe, when you agreed you would pay him. He's clearly just an entitled arsehole, who get's kicks out of belittling people, and making them feel bad.

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I’ve never thought of it this way and it’s given me something to think about

I understand what you’re saying but it wasn’t me choosing to spend money on that instead of sanitary products. That’s not the situation that happened.

Without wishing to bash you op, I would think very carefully about maintains this friendship.
He knew you had no money so a true friend would have suggested bringing a bottle of wine to yours with snacks. Oh and not asking for you to pay for it!
Unless he is your only friend I the entire world, I would cut him off completely.
If he puts you in this position again reply ‘no.’
Again, a real friend would have bought the drinks, it was for his benefit after all.
Put this down to experience op.

I don't think I'd call this person a friend.

He's no friend. He likes having power over you though.

Yes this was calculated to upset you. It was also done to amuse his friends. Don’t ever contact this “person”. He holds you in contempt

Cross posts with Gonefishing

Perfect answer

youre all right in the fact that this person is not a friend. I certainly won’t be maintaining a friendship in the future.

He sounds dodgy af and a dishonest, manipulative bully.

It sounds like he's trying to engineer a dynamic where he and his creepy mates have power over you, or can blackmail you.

Agree to pay money back and block and never speak to him again.

If you keep getting unwanted contact, treat it as harassment and get the police involved and tell him that you've spoken to them,

Tell them the circumstances, and that you are planning to pay the money back.

They really don't care about the finances, but logging this and letting him know he's being monitored will hopefully stop any weird behaviour in the future.

How much did you borrow off of him please?

This and I dont say that lightly- he has nefarious intentions.

Pay him back when you can and never ever borrow money off him ever again and block him.

The only thing I find a bit strange on your side is why did you go out for drinks (which you knew you had to pay back) if you cant afford sanitary pads?

Came on to say about the supermarkets giving you a package of free sanitary items. Might only be enough for a day but that’s a days better than toilet roll.

He’s not your friend. Pay him back and then ghost him.

I guess peer pressure. He sounds like a bully.

That's outrageous to treat you like this, just send it when you said you would. And then drop him like a hot potato.

(The state of your finances are not his concern also what he uses his money for is not your business).

Because I had money for sanitary pads, food etc at the time. Just not spare money for going out and having a few drinks. Having to pay for pet medicine unexpectedly wiped me out and so I didn’t have money for pads when the time came around.

Realistically they aren’t related. The issue I had was that it felt like a slap in the face that he would have his friends pretend he needed money for food while I actually am struggling.

Yeah, I think he was unreasonable. He should have offered to pay if he really wanted to go out. I've done similar for a less well off friend when there was a restaurant I really fancied. But it was a gift given with no strings. I think suggesting you borrow the money just pushes the problem into next month, hence why he shouldn't have offered the loan and you shouldn't have accepted it. Sometimes you just can't afford a thing and that's that.

Although he sounds terrible at managing his money if he's as well off as you say!

£40. Money I can pay back when I’m paid as I agreed

Bloody people. I was given £2000 when we were stuck in the crash. After that I was monitored for any spend. The woman is a multi millionaire! I gave it back to her with interest. She'd told countless mutual friends. She still thinks she can ask me about my money. It was 16 years ago.
I only have lends and borrows from family these days.
I second the food banks for pads etc
The guy likes the power, dickhead.

As soon as you've paid him back tell him if he ever sics his friends on you again or harasses you in any way you will involve the police.
Stalking and harassment are offences under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997.

He's very dodgy....do he and his friends know where you live/work etc?

Sadly I wouldn't be surprised if they try to turn up in person to harass/humiliate you/demanding sexual favours or something.

If any more contact is made, send a clear message to him and his friends AND the company run by his family (send it so his parents get involved) calmly saying you find the behaviour threatening, outline the amount (£40) and that he agreed to loan it, and there was an agreed time to pay it back, and that you request no further contact and it is causing you a lot of distress and you find it threatening and manipulative.

He's probably relying on you feeling too embarrassed to speak out....bullies back off if they think their victim is going to make a fuss.

Screenshot this and don't get into any more discussion.

Him and his mates sound like a load of wrong uns. Block them all.
Tbh I'd actually consider not paying him at all. After what you said about your lack of period products. You need the money more than he does.