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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 15:43

MonsteraMama · 07/07/2024 15:19

No more rude and entitled than someone thinking they have a right to tell another paying customer to move out of a seat because they feel more entitled to it 😀

Well there is 4 of them compared to 1, and it's a table for 4, so yeah they kind of ARE more entitled to it!

😆

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 15:43

IcedPurple · 07/07/2024 15:35

But that's an issue for the cafe management to deal with, surely? Other customers don't have the right to take her seat so that the cafe can make more money, especially as there were other seats free.

As I said above, cafes have lots of things they can do to stop customers using their premises as an office. They can set time limits for occupying a table or even ban laptops. If this cafe hasn't done that, other customers can't take it into their own hands to evict other customers because they're insufficiently profitable.

You're totally missing the point! The point is, why do SOME people think they are so special and precious, that they think they have the right to occupy a table for FOUR PEOPLE in a public cafe for 4-5 hours, and use it as their office space?

The staff shouldn't have to TELL them to leave, or put signs up FFS. It's basic common sense and decency. People should not be so bloody entitled and rude and obnoxious, as to think it's OK to take up a family table for half the day to do their 'big important job!' Hmm

No WAY are they going to spend anywhere near as much money in the time they are occupying the table (4+ hours quite often) as a bunch of groups of 4 people would in the same timeframe.

Basic common sense FFS! I despair!

BingoMarieHeeler · 07/07/2024 15:45

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 15:43

You're totally missing the point! The point is, why do SOME people think they are so special and precious, that they think they have the right to occupy a table for FOUR PEOPLE in a public cafe for 4-5 hours, and use it as their office space?

The staff shouldn't have to TELL them to leave, or put signs up FFS. It's basic common sense and decency. People should not be so bloody entitled and rude and obnoxious, as to think it's OK to take up a family table for half the day to do their 'big important job!' Hmm

No WAY are they going to spend anywhere near as much money in the time they are occupying the table (4+ hours quite often) as a bunch of groups of 4 people would in the same timeframe.

Basic common sense FFS! I despair!

😂😂 why do SOME people get so FUMING over these SMALL things?? Your blood pressure must be through the roof, and for what?

IcedPurple · 07/07/2024 15:46

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 15:43

You're totally missing the point! The point is, why do SOME people think they are so special and precious, that they think they have the right to occupy a table for FOUR PEOPLE in a public cafe for 4-5 hours, and use it as their office space?

The staff shouldn't have to TELL them to leave, or put signs up FFS. It's basic common sense and decency. People should not be so bloody entitled and rude and obnoxious, as to think it's OK to take up a family table for half the day to do their 'big important job!' Hmm

No WAY are they going to spend anywhere near as much money in the time they are occupying the table (4+ hours quite often) as a bunch of groups of 4 people would in the same timeframe.

Basic common sense FFS! I despair!

The staff shouldn't have to TELL them to leave, or put signs up FFS.

Fine. Then they're going to have to accept that some customers will be less 'profitable' than others. That's how it is in a cafe. If this isn't to their liking, maybe they should start a takeaway business or set some ground rules.

And who says a booth is a 'family table'? It's not like screaming toddlers are going to be highly profitable either, if that's all you care about.

Did a laptop using student steal your boyfriend once or something? This all sounds very personal and a bit weird.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 07/07/2024 15:46

My god. How on earth did you not lose your shit at those comments? That’s so unbelievably aggressive of her!!!!!!!

I believe society has become an awful more combative in recent times. I’m getting people coming at me aggressively regularly now and I’m really struggling to stay anything close to calm. Kudos to you.

MonsteraMama · 07/07/2024 15:46

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 15:43

Well there is 4 of them compared to 1, and it's a table for 4, so yeah they kind of ARE more entitled to it!

😆

They're literally not though, the person sitting there is entitled to it.

Headinthesand21 · 07/07/2024 15:47

The way she spoke to you was appalling.
I however that you were also unreasonable to take up a table for 4 and work there.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/07/2024 15:52

Ourlittletalks · 07/07/2024 15:42

Both of you were unreasonable.

she should have been polite when asking, and shouldn’t have verbally abused you when you declined.

you should have waited until a smaller table became available and sat there when you first arrived rather than taking up 4 seats when you only needed one. (As someone who worked in many different cafes and restaurants over the years, people hogging large tables for 1 or 2 people are extremely irritating and entitled). Also, it’s a coffee shop, not your personal office. If you’re in the way, just move.

I’m sorry, @Ourlittletalks - are you suggesting that the OP should have stood around like a lemon when she arrived at the cafe, when there were tables available, in case a bigger group came in after her? How long should she have waited for?

Just because she was on her own, doesn’t make her some sort of second class citizen who doesn’t deserve to take a seat until all the bigger groups who might visit the cafe that day have finally arrived and been seated!

GreenTeaLikesMe · 07/07/2024 15:53

Banning laptops is a bit much. If I’m on the way back from a meeting or similar, I might spend half an hour checking through and answering emails, or doing some paperwork, while having something to eat and drink. As long as you are spending about the same amount of time as other customers and buying the same amount of products, I don’t see the issue. Taking up tables for hours is rude, though. Go to the library or find one of those rent-an-office spaces.

GreenTeaLikesMe · 07/07/2024 15:53

And taking up a booth for four is really not OK.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/07/2024 15:55

@GreenTeaLikesMe - the OP has said that the library is shut on a Sunday.

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 07/07/2024 15:57

You were completely unreasonable and she was rude.

SwordToFlamethrower · 07/07/2024 15:58

Go to the library if you want to study. You were bang out of order

Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 15:58

As you say there plenty of other tables they could have used so they shouldn't have asked you in the first place let alone be so rude.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 07/07/2024 15:59

If there was a problem with where the poster was sitting it was up to the other party to ask staff if they might make that space available to them. It’s absolutely not up to the individual to be aggressive to another customer to try and intimidate them into moving. The fact that some of you think that was acceptable behaviour blows my mind.

Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 16:00

SwordToFlamethrower · 07/07/2024 15:58

Go to the library if you want to study. You were bang out of order

It's up to the cafe what they want people to do in their café not random members of the public. They have plugs precisely so people will work there and spend a lot of money. They'd rather that than 10 minute woman who clearly wasn't even having lunch.

Riversideandrelax · 07/07/2024 16:01

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 07/07/2024 15:59

If there was a problem with where the poster was sitting it was up to the other party to ask staff if they might make that space available to them. It’s absolutely not up to the individual to be aggressive to another customer to try and intimidate them into moving. The fact that some of you think that was acceptable behaviour blows my mind.

Edited

Quite. It's astonishing that people think they can dictate in a cafe!!

Whammyammy · 07/07/2024 16:02

You were right not to move, she was an entitled CF.
My husband and I have received similar requests/abuse about parking his motorbike in space that "is meant for cars", luckily my husband is a big bloke so they soon scuttle off...

DonnaBanana · 07/07/2024 16:02

I do think it’s a bit rude to take up a space for four when it’s busy like that but she should have been far more polite and graceful. When she called you an arrogant B word she gave up her human rights at that point as far as I’m concerned so screw her

SmudgeButt · 07/07/2024 16:03

Well you had me at her not saying please. If she can't be polite she can go swivel.

Nothereisnotashortage · 07/07/2024 16:03

Birdingbear · 07/07/2024 13:13

Wish people who wanted to do work would avoid coffee shops and go to a library or somewhere else

People pay to come here for a coffee and a chat etc. If you're sitting at a booth fir an hour thinking it's OK to order a coffee once an hour....don't think that's ok. You've no thought for other customers, especially taking up a booth

This ⬆️. I think it’s unreasonable to use a coffee shop as a library, taking up a lot of space, using a lot of electricity and prob buying very little for the time that you have spent in there. Who do you think makes the coffee shop more money, you or the people whi asked you to move, who bought drinks and only stayed 10 mins? I don’t agree with people working in or holding interviews in coffee shops, they are often talking very loudly on their phones or asking questions very loudly and seem annoyed when you are sitting having a chat. It can be anti social. Go to the library or pay for an office space. Most of this seems to be a consequence of covid.

ClassicQuill · 07/07/2024 16:03

I don't fully understand the problem. It's a table of 4, and you're taking up 1 seat. There are 3 seat left.

3 adults arrive and, whilst they are not entitled to your seat and should accept you saying no to their requests, they could just sit at the three free seats, no?

You are not entitled to the three free seats, they are not entitled to your one occupied seat. Everyone wins, though!

Macaroni46 · 07/07/2024 16:04

ItsalwaysNovember · 07/07/2024 12:25

I was at the park with my dd last week she has ASD and needed to sit as was overwhelmed. There was one free bench so we sat there in the middle and my bag on one side of me. 2 women came over they had 3 children with them and stood about 30 cm in front of me and just stared ??!! So I ignored them till one said ‘we need to sit down’ I just stared at her and thought wtf you can see we are here and it’s obvious dd was having some difficulties. She tutted and they walked off !

Why couldn't you move your bag so one of them could sit down?

macaroniandcheeze · 07/07/2024 16:07

Not unreasonable. You can sit wherever you want in a cafe. It is mildly annoying when 1 or 2 people take up a larger table but that’s life, people are everywhere and they are mildly annoying. They found somewhere else to sit, you had a reason (the plug) not that you needed to give them one, and their attitude was unnecessary.

Workhardcryharder · 07/07/2024 16:12

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 07/07/2024 14:48

Just as it's not up to you either.

But, judging by the replies on this thread...most people agree with me. OP was a CF.

Edited

No it’s up to individual coffee shop owners. Whom I can’t expect would tell a whole group of regulars not to come to their coffee shop to please a bunch of entitled grumps