Would you move tables at a Cafe?

[Southlondoner88]

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

This reminds me of a time at a park when I asked a lady sitting at a picnic bench on her own whether I could “perch on this end for 2 mins while I wait for my husband to come back from the cafe” and she said no!
So I said ok, stood further away from the bench, husband came back, we walked off. She was still alone the whole time. She could have just said yes until my friends come or something. I didn’t want to join her!! lol. Unfriendly behaviour. But I didn’t call her a bitch or say anything rude like the people in OP’s story. She didn’t give a reason but she didn’t really need to.
People going off on each other in public places is so common now, I can’t imagine calling that lady a bitch. Even if I thought it!

Not if she needs that space.

If it were a mother with lots of baby supplies and an infant in a sling, would she be called selfish to spread out in a booth? How about a large single person who is not comfortable in chairs? A couple who are using a laptop to view houses on Rightmove or gps software?

People have all sorts of reasons for wanting a booth. Just because it can seat four doesn't mean other uses are inferior. It's not A&E; people are free to go elsewhere.

YANBU on balance. Etiquette varies on laptop working, so different places have different policies. So long as you respect them and try to aware of not taking the piss if it's busy I think it's fine.

Whereas I think she was pretty rude. There were other seats so it's just tough luck her prefered one wasn't available. Even if it had been the only large table I don't have a lot of time for people who act entitled with this sort of thing. You are putting the other person out so acknowledge it. 'I'm terribly sorry, but could I sit down, I'm pregnant, have hurt my leg etc...' rather than 'Let me sit down'.

Difficult for the OP to do, @SwordToFlamethrower, given that she said the library was shut, it being a Sunday.

If you want to work or study go to a library or hire a hot desk for a day. I am sick and tired of there being no seats and no atmosphere in coffee shops because of the lap top brigade. You were spoken to in a very rude way but I think you have no idea of how exasperating people who hog seats for hours are. The party only stayed 10 minutes ? Yes, this is how long a quick coffee with friends takes.

I was in Switzerland recently and noticed lots of polite notices on cafe tables for four people requesting that those tables are only used for three or more people. I thought this was a really good idea and I didn’t witness any verbal abuse happening.

The library was shut, @Astrabees - and can you rent a hot desk, last minute, on a Sunday?

Both were unreasonable but they were incredibly rude to you.

Totally agree with the people who are arguing for you not being unreasonable.

It's a coffee shop, you buy coffee, you choose your seat. If you choose to be in your own company - reading, working, studying for example - how is this less legitimate than sitting with someone else doing small talk?
People need to be less rude and more respectful of other people that may or may not be doing their life in a different way to them.

I'd wager the cafe would rather have 2-4 people at a 4 person table who leave and are replaced by more people all buying food / coffee than one student who buys lunch at £10 and is there for the day.

They should ask people to move. They're running a business.

The OP clearly states she would have moved, and has done so previously, had the woman not been so rude, effectively demanding that she give up her place for them.
You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

But this isn't about what the cafe management wants. They are always free to step in, but they weren't a party to the situation the OP is writing about. And many cafes encourage working customers.

No patron has the right to kick another patron out of their seat. Solos have just as much right to ample space as anyone else, and because a booth COULD seat four doesn't mean it MUST always be used to seat four. She also wanted the space and the charging station, in addition to the number of potential "seats."

"Families" and "groups" shouldn't expect to inevitably take precedence over people who are out in the world solo.

As others have noted, if OP were a big bloke, I doubt she/he would have been approached. It seems to always be unattached women who are expected to defer. I'd not move just to take a stand against that unreasonable societal norm, aside from all of the other good reasons to not move.

Only on MN will people insist you move when a smaller table becomes available. They also insist a group of people queue together, and not reserve tables.

You did nothing wrong, and the lady giving you agro was a CF.

Good luck with your studying.

Yes this, where we live coffee tables have allocated a small number of single chaie tables for laptop users. It of course isn’t an excuse or reason for someone to be horrible.

Just coming back quickly to say thanks for the replies, I didn’t expect so many. I’m taking all of them into consideration and as I said up thread I probably will try harder to get a smaller table in future if it suits the purpose of what I need it for that day.

This has also become a thread about working in cafes which is not really the point of the post so I shouldn’t have mentioned it. Would it have mattered less if I said I was sitting there with my coffee/ phone or midway through eating, this woman still would have expected me to move and didn’t seem offended about me working or about the fact I might be preventing poor cafe Nero from earning a tiny profit that day.

Also, it does matter that’s it a chain rather than an independent, chains like this are known to be a first come, first serve, anonymous type of businesses. This family had already paid for their food at the till like you always do in these places so me not moving wasn’t stopping them or anyone else from buying something, they did that already. Seating in there is really just a bonus in my view. An independent is more personable, people actually come for the food and comfort plus they actually need the turnover of seating or they really will lose money.

Thanks all. Really need a screen break now.

Who are these people who want to sit with strangers in coffee shops. If I was out with friends or family, it would just never occur to me to sit down at a table someone was already sitting at.

I run a Caffè Nero store, I think if somebody offered me money for the electric bill I’d just silently hold out my tip jar!

Don’t agree with that. Cafes are social spaces, give me chatty customers over lone laptop tappers any day. Our sockets are in difficult to reach places and if I wanted to spend my days catering for the laptop tappers I would open a hotdesk unit. With free water 🙄

Exactly. What's the difference in someone sitting at a table working and a group sitting at a table chatting?

Where I live (major city), you're hard-pressed to find someone in a coffee shop WITHOUT a laptop!

As I said above, I run a Caffè Nero store. All are welcome! Some of my favourite customers are the lone workers who sit at their laptops, they mingle and chat happily with the customers that come everyday for their daily caffeine and chat. In fact one guy who would come in, recently moved to the US to work at a college over there and he saved up all his loyalty cards and on his last day gave them out to other customers as they were paying. It was such a nice but bittersweet day. The laptop workers may sit there for a few hours with their coffee and panini but they usually do it every day, so that’s up to £12 in my tills, every day of the week. We don’t have a problem with the plugs because I only have single seats or tables for two where all the sockets are to avoid this kind of thing happening.
Like I said, we genuinely appreciate all our customers, we may be a chain but we’re all local people who are just trying to pay our bills whilst raising our families without the privilege of being able to run our own independently owned business!

Yanbu from me - you were there first and other seats were available for customers. Maybe different in a very busy cafe and no spare seats available.

She might have preferred the booth but she wasn't entitled to it, since it was occupied when she arrived!

I wouldn't worry about the profit margins of businesses like cafe nero/costa/starbucks - they do okay and can duck up having you take up a booth on non busy times.

Did you not read the bit where OP said there were other tables available for the woman to take instead?

Tricky one - I understand both sides and she shouldn't have been rude. Ok if you're purchasing a few things to eat and drink whilst using the facilities, though if you're taking up a booth for four and buying one coffee to sit there for 2 hours, It takes away potential business. Cafes need to survive too.

though if you're taking up a booth for four and buying one coffee to sit there for 2 hours

But the OP WASN'T doing this!!!!

Goodness me, the prejudice against single people daring to enjoy themselves in public and getting in the way of those far more deserving families or couples, is really depressing. Makes me far more likely to take up more space, quite frankly.