Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

It's a link, you pay the photographer once. They send you a link with your pictures. You download it and then do whatever you like with it. You can send it to whoever you like and they can print it off or you can, as OP has do nothing with it then have a bitchfest when your husband shares it with his loved ones.

YABU to say your MIL can't have photos in her home that you have in yours.

We usually do what your husband has done and just share a link from a family shoot so grandparents can choose and buy their own prints, but the only way I'd see you could turn this into a reasonable YANBU is if you had planned to have your children give MIL selected framed prints of the pictures for Christmas (as people often do with school photos) and now you can't as she already has them.

It seems like you're not very fond of your mother-in-law. However, when your children are grown and have families of their own, you'll likely want to have photos of them displayed too. So, I don't see a problem with it.

Why does it worry you? Unless you're planning to put in zero effort, like OP says her in-laws do, then you should be fine. I have a shit MIL and I also have boys. I'm not worried because I know I will be a better MIL/grandma than she is.

People are presuming they are copies, not the original photos. If its original photos & OP doesn't have the photos she paid for she has every right to be upset. I very much doubt this though. It sounds more like copies. It looks like OP isn't updating us to make this clear.

Look at the thread title.

“Husband allowed his mother to print my photos.”

She printed them. She hasn’t taken anything. They aren’t “originals”

If, as is common in this century, they are digital downloads, there aren’t “original prints”.

My Mil has pictures of all of her sons with their wife's and children displayed in her house.
I actually find that very nice.
I don’t see what your issue is OP

This.
And I think perhaps MIL doesn't visit until invited to be respectful of you and because she observes your uncomfortable attitude when she behaves too lovingly.

Invite her over more at times which suit the the children though a two year old not turning off screens when there are guests is rude. Invite MIL to read and play. Be proud that she displays your pictures.

You are the problem here. I feel sorry for your DH

Wrong, I arranged to have photos printed & framed at the photographers & collected them before I downloaded them to share with others & it was this century.

@Fargo79 ops mil doesn't sound shit tbh unless there is more to the story. She sounds like the unreasonable one here. Many posts on mn are like this, women just taking a dislike to mil because they can, and whatever they do is wrong

@Starrynights9 so your photographer printed digital prints? What's your point?

It’s lovely that your MIL has wanted to display pictures of his son and his family in her house. It’s really not odd at all to have the same photos displayed in both your houses. There’s really no issue at all here.

Hope OP comes back !

My parents, MIL and me all have the same picture of my children. Does it matter? No. Does it make me feel weird? No.
Why don't you invite MIL round more at a better time? Or tell her to drop by whenever she wants? I bet you wouldn't like that either.

My point is I arranged for the photographer to print and frame my chosen photos therefore they are the original photos framed & chosen by me. It's all about whether OP MIL is entitled to 'print' photos if her son shared the link. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's her family

You do not own your kids OP. She’s allowed to have photos of her grandchildren.

How very controlling.

Your MIL wants photos of the four of you to display in her house and that annoys you OP?

Poor MIL can't do right for doing wrong.

When I was married my MIL would only display photos in her house that contained her son - my husband at the time - and our children. And not many of those as our children were in them.

She had no photos of our wedding displayed in her house, not one - although she had photos of the weddings of her nieces and nephews and cousins' children's weddings.

That's annoying, and hurtful.

I would have been absolutely delighted if she'd asked for photos of all of us.

The photos are done and dusted. Its in the past now.
Your current relationship with your MIL is of more concern.
There's probably some kind of back history but you seem to massively resent her if you won't allow her to have baby photos. Has she actually done something concrete to upset you, or do you just not click?

Do you think its possible that your upset over the photos - which does seem a bit more than usual - could be down to post pregnancy hormones? Could you have a chat with your GP and/or health visitor to make sure everything is OK as these things can creep up on people very quickly and its wise to get as much support as you can for both you and your baby's sake. Do you have anyone in RL you can talk to about all of this? I think it would really help you to stop worrying and enjoy this time with your new baby more.

Apart from the photos you also seem a bit put out that they dont' visit and sometimes drive past without calling in. Its quite difficult to marry up the two views of visits and photos and understand if you want to see more of PILS or not.

A lot of people find it hard to get on with the MILs for various reasons, and a lot of MILs can be v difficult, and you don't have to "get on" with her if it's impossible due to behaviour or see her all the time, but giving her a few photos of the baby seems like such a small bridge building thing to do. We often had pix of ours done and always ordered an extra few for the grandparents, that was kind of the point as we saw DC every day. They wanted to show their friends. If it's all the organisation that irks you, be cheeky and offer her the chance to set up her own photography session next time (and pay for it , lol) she would probably love that anyway.

I doubt anyone will clock that you and your MIL have some of the same pix of your baby and her grandchild in your houses... or even think anything of it if they did as its so normal for people to share baby pictures.
So cross it off the list of things to worry about. You and your baby are healthy, have a home and a DH and extra family to love this baby.

One of the things that made me sad as some of older relatives passed (and I didn't always get on with all of them!) was that once they'd gone there was no one to absolutely adore and appreciate pictures of the DC and their achievements as much as we did.

This is making you so unhappy, from reading your posts. Please get some help to find out why and take some of the pressure off you.

It's in the thread title and in the post. The photos are ones you print yourself. They will have been sent a link to download the photos.

That was a choice though. Most photographers give the option of a download link only.

I don't see the issue. It's nice she wants a photo of your family up.

The OP's only other post in this username is to complain that wine her PiLs gave them for Xmas wasn't good enough so I'm not holding my breath.

Can you arrange to visit them, so you control the time etc?
Because visiting go both ways. As you didn’t know the photos were in their house you haven’t visited for months.

Oh was that the same poster...I remember that !