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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

323 replies

Ash1006 · 07/07/2024 09:05

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

OP posts:
HowIrresponsible · 08/07/2024 18:18

I think I stopped getting pissed off at this sirt of thing when I was about 14

SacreBleugh · 08/07/2024 19:21

@Lallie87 😂 my MiL's one photo of our wedding deemed acceptable to put on display was of DH... and his brother.

( you're being TOTALLY unreasonable OP. But I think you know that)

Lallie87 · 08/07/2024 19:22

@SacreBleugh Ha! Glad I’m not the only one!! 🤣

NannaKaren · 08/07/2024 19:27

Try not to stress over it.
life is too short !
enjoy your baby and get loads of pics of you and baby - baby will think you are the most beautiful Mummy ever (always) xxx

Hankunamatata · 08/07/2024 19:40

Dh gave a photo to his mum of his family. Oh the horror

JennyBG · 08/07/2024 19:41

YANBU. I have to differ I’m afraid. I’d have been furious too, but with my husband also. Having a new baby is such a personal thing to a mum, and ok, she hadn’t got around to it, but part of the joy of parenthood is giving the grandparents beautiful photos of the new addition. In this case, MIL took that away from the new mum. I have eleven grandchildren, and would never have disrespected my daughter/son-in-laws in this way.

saraclara · 08/07/2024 19:53

JennyBG · 08/07/2024 19:41

YANBU. I have to differ I’m afraid. I’d have been furious too, but with my husband also. Having a new baby is such a personal thing to a mum, and ok, she hadn’t got around to it, but part of the joy of parenthood is giving the grandparents beautiful photos of the new addition. In this case, MIL took that away from the new mum. I have eleven grandchildren, and would never have disrespected my daughter/son-in-laws in this way.

But OP wasn't going to give any to the grandparents as a gift! Quite the opposite. She is furious because she didn't want them to have those photos in their house at all!

pictoosh · 08/07/2024 20:31

JennyBG · 08/07/2024 19:41

YANBU. I have to differ I’m afraid. I’d have been furious too, but with my husband also. Having a new baby is such a personal thing to a mum, and ok, she hadn’t got around to it, but part of the joy of parenthood is giving the grandparents beautiful photos of the new addition. In this case, MIL took that away from the new mum. I have eleven grandchildren, and would never have disrespected my daughter/son-in-laws in this way.

The dad IS the parent. The joy of parenthood is his too.
He is a DAD giving photos to a grandparent. HIS MUM.
Like you describe.

If you think it's only for the mums to do you're a sexist, small person.

Olderbutt · 08/07/2024 21:04

Weird about having the same photos as you on display? Seriously, most families do! Wait till the nursery and school photos, you'll hate that they come in packs for splitting to give to the family.
Your poor MIL can't do right for doing wrong!

namechanged221 · 08/07/2024 21:27

How silly? Is this a real post or a wind-up?

Labourdayz · 08/07/2024 22:38

Wow, you sound entitled and ungrateful.
We don’t have any grandparents who care enough to want a photo of us all in their house.
Give your head a wobble!

Cloudtime · 08/07/2024 23:12

I think people are being harsh here. I understand how it can be really frustrating when people pay no interest in their grandchildren but like to give the impression to the outside world that they’re grandparents of the year. I also would be upset if you’d told your husband that you didn’t want him to pass the photos to them but he then did anyway

EMUKE · 09/07/2024 06:53

Huni, sit down for 15mins and have a decaf coffee, I get it, this sounds like me 9 years ago! Funny story though my MIL only put pics up of kids and husband. I was no where to be seen! It always makes me wonder why the “silent” grandparents boast the most about the family yet never make effort!!! Fast forward my kids adore my useless mum and can’t stand my MIL, yet the MIL has the pictures and talks to people all the time about the kids?!? The issue is the effort that you put in you haven't reaped the reward (even if it is to admire your pictures up on the wall). Me and you can be friends as I’m also a control freak but just some times we need to let stuff go. As for husband he will try and keep his old girl and you happy without realising what his done or why it upsets you. For the future… set clear boundary's with EVERYONE and remember who supported you when you needed it. Il always boast how my mum does everything for the kids and happily say it at husband family events.

Goodtogossip · 09/07/2024 09:58

When my Son & Daughter in law had their fist baby they had a photo shoot & didn't get the photos printed off so I did. I got us all a copy so we have the same photos on display & it's never been an issue. Why wouldn't you want your MIL to have pictures of her Grandchild in her house? You seem a bit mean & selfish. It's her childs first child so she's going to be wanting to show them off.

BlueFlowers5 · 09/07/2024 18:35

Your MIL is family and the photos are of her DGC, She will be proud of you.
One day her DGC will love her.

OP give her more leeway?

Tandora · 09/07/2024 18:38

Good Lord how mean are you??! Surely it’s nice that your MIL wants a photo of you all in her house.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 09/07/2024 22:55

Peterbeardwy · 07/07/2024 09:07

You’re being ridiculous

Agree.

ClevererThanMost · 11/07/2024 07:50

Lallie87 · 08/07/2024 17:40

When my DH and I got married, my in-laws only put one photo of the wedding up - it was the one of him, on his own, signing the register… 🤯

When we got married DH asked one of his brothers to take some informal photos and gave him a decent camera etc.

BIL only took photos of their side of the family. 🤯

ClevererThanMost · 11/07/2024 07:51

SpiritOfEcstasy · 08/07/2024 18:16

Wow. Having spent many years reading mumsnet daily, I feel for mother in laws everywhere! They really can’t do right for doing wrong. They’re too involved, they’re not involved enough. Every little thing is dissected. With two DDs it looks right now like I’ll be having son in laws. So grateful. DILs sound like a fucking nightmare!

You may have daughters in law…….

brunettemic · 11/07/2024 08:04

😂😂😂

SpiritOfEcstasy · 11/07/2024 08:49

ClevererThanMost · 11/07/2024 07:51

You may have daughters in law…….

As I said ‘it looks right now like l’ll be having son in laws’ as right now, both my DDs appear to identify as heterosexual. I am fully aware that next week their sexual identity may be entirely different … I just sincerely hope that if they do choose to have partners in their lives (I’m also fully aware that they are complete as individuals without partners - just to be clear) they don’t have partners that nit pick every little thing that I do … 😗

Olderbutt · 11/07/2024 10:54

SpiritOfEcstasy · 11/07/2024 08:49

As I said ‘it looks right now like l’ll be having son in laws’ as right now, both my DDs appear to identify as heterosexual. I am fully aware that next week their sexual identity may be entirely different … I just sincerely hope that if they do choose to have partners in their lives (I’m also fully aware that they are complete as individuals without partners - just to be clear) they don’t have partners that nit pick every little thing that I do … 😗

I've got a fabulous DIL who is married to my daughter! Most people I know in the same situation also have fabulous Dil's.....maybe it changes the dynamics some how 🤔

JPduck · 12/07/2024 18:17

I understand and totally agree with you @Ash1006 .

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