Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

What a non-event! Do you usually get wound up and angry about such trivial things @Ash1006 ???

grandparents have copies of professional pictures in most families,
graduation photos,
school photos

Everyone in my family (about 8 different households) has the same family photo on the wall.
What exactly is your problem OP?

It doesn’t seem that difficult to guess why they drive by without calling in OP! Honestly chill out a bit, this is a big over reaction about a photo. Don’t you want your children’s grandparents to care for them? The more people that have an interest the better in my opinion.

Tbh, if you give off the same vibe to your in-laws as what we’re getting on here, I’m sure that’s the reason they might not bother visiting you. I get the impression you don’t really want a relationship with them, which is really sad, as grandparents can bring a lot of love and positivity into their grandchildrens’ lives. I think the picture thing is such a small issue in the grand scheme of things. Does it really, really matter that they have the same pictures up in their house? In these situations I feel sorry for the husbands/partners too, as they’re caught up in the middle of this pointless drama.

“Fuming” about this… you make it sound like you have very little to worry about in your life. I’m feeling kind of hard done by that this sort of thing is what some people consider a problem when (for example) I’m in the trenches of chronic pain and illness. I wish I had so little on my plate that I wanted to make a mumsnet post about how terrible it was for my mother in law to want the same photos of my child up in her house as I do.

sorry of that comes across as unreasonable myself OP, but I think you need a little perspective. If you do in fact also have actual problems in your life and this is not the extent of your experience of stress, I think you need to think about why this has bothered you so much and whether there are underlying problems in your relationship with your MIL that need addressing because this is not a normal reaction.

You're surprised they don't turn up unless invited when this is the insane reaction you have to them have the same photo as you? Daughter in law from hell.

This: my in laws’ kitchen is basically a shrine to my son. I think he finds it mildly terrifying but also funny.

YABU.

You are being a little mean spirited- They drive past not bothering you- They are giving you ''Space'', and now you begrudge them a copy ?

No one will be looking at you in the pics- the only people that will notice them are the parents in law.

Visitors to their house won't give them a second glance.

The more I read on MN the more I think many people spend their lives looking for drama and faults in everything.
Be grateful you have your health and your children, my kids lost their dad 3 years ago to cancer, photos are all they have left.
OP kindly, get a grip.

So any other family who would cherish a photo of you all has to contact, book and pay for a photographer themselves. You're not willing to share?

Wow. Really mean.

Lots of our other relatives have been gifted nice framed prints of our family/my DC because, you know, they're family. I wouldnt dream of being so spiteful and expect they pay to have us/our DC photographed at their own expense because I'm so mean spirited I can't bear to share the ones I've had done myself.

And yes, that does mean we all have several photos displayed in our houses that are the same...so what?!

And other family members have shared their photos with us too, without getting all snipey about us not booking and paying for them.

Why are you being so selfish, and why do you get to tell your husband he can't share them? - they're his photos too!

Your post makes you appear thin skin, intolerant, mean and basically quite unpleasant. Maybe YOU are the reason your in-laws don’t visit.

Yes, of course that is the reason why - "because they didn't drop in uninvited" 🙄

Or could it possibly be because the GPs could have sorted and paid for some photos if they had really wanted to?

Or possibly could phone and ask to pop by?

Or possibly when they DO come by, actually spend time playing with the GC rather than moaning about them wanting to watch TV?

Or no doubt a myriad of other things that they could actually DO, but no, they are cheapskates who print photos that the OP has paid for.

Wow.

You are such hard work. Your poor MIL

FFS it’s her grandchild.

The thread title would be rather different if this were the case, right?

I also said “if, as is common”, allowing for there being potential variations. But again, the thread title suggests otherwise.

They probably really wanted a photo of their son and grandchildren.

With just what you have written (and there must be more) you are being not just unreasonable but a bit mean.

I understand you don’t like photos, so why didn’t you get one of just the others for your mil then?

What about your wedding photos? Do they have access to see them?

Shame OP hasn't returned. For the worried posters with young son, I will say that my two son in laws are absolutely treasured and definitely not second class family members.

@BlueFlint This made me laugh out loud.

"I sort of get it. My MIL prints photos we send her and turns them into enormous canvases she puts on the wall. Did the same with my scan photo. Oh look, there's my uterus, on the hallway wall!"

@Ash1006 I sort of get it too in that I cringe at the thought of a pic of me or even a pic of my relationship as it were, being displayed in someone's house. But I fully accept I'm a bit weird like that and it's a completely conventional thing for people to do.

It's unclear from your post what the issue is really. It sounds a little like you are unhappy about being in photos in general, took your courage in hand to have these done and therefore are feeling a bit exposed or vulnerable about finding out your MIL is happily displaying them without you even knowing. If you look at it another way, at least you have had a chance to have photos done that you have control over and chose the nicest ones, that you were going to put up at home so like. If there are ones you aren't happy with, maybe these can come down and let her keep up the ones you are happy with up. If there is a particular one you want just up in your house as it feels more personal that way, then maybe ask if you can swap a couple around.

I don't think it's odd you and her will have the same photos up though. It's not like all the same people will be viewing them. A lot of families will have the same photos like the official wedding photo or whatever.

I'd try and relax about this particular issue and put it out your mind. Focus on the positives, that they are photos you like, that they are photos of all of you together and that it's a generally nice thing that she wants to put up photos of all of you, shows she's proud and connected to you all as her family. If you amplify the positives and don't overfocus on the annoying sides of it, it might help.

@RaininSummer
I have 2 sons in law and a daughter in law, they are part of our family and treated exactly as I treat my own DC my lot often say I prefer their partners to them

Photo grandparents irk me too I mean real life is better than a picture right?

Ds grandparents drove past them his entire life during the pandemic they drove past my house while we all had covid to deliver groceries to her son who was perfectly healthy and able to buy his own they then reported to my ex that a creepy old man was leaving milk on my doorstep it was my neighbour who was showing more care snd concern than them 🙄

This is one of the craziest MIL stories yet.
She can’t have a picture your family because the baby is only 16 weeks and you arranged the photographer??
Would you have preferred your MIL to arrange her own photographer for the baby?
And moaning that they don’t pop by unannounced, only when invited??

This really does read like a post specifically written to complain about a total non issue!

What!!!! In laws want a picture of the four of you printed and then they display it - and you are upset? Also I would be pleased that they weren't dropping in on you every second. They are respecting your privacy and your boundaries. Also if I came round on a scheduled visit and grandchild was always stuck in front of the telly, I'd be a bit disappointed.