Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

I really don't understand what MIL has done that DIL has a right to feel pissed off about. MIL wanted photos of her new grandchild. Her son gave her some. And?

Your children may one day request that you remove their photos, or be annoyed you were given a copy of a family photo given it's your family too. I wonder how you would feel then.

YABU. And it sounds like your dh knows you're unreasonable when it comes to your inlaws, and that's why he's gone behind your back giving her copies.

Honestly, that says it all.

If my husband refused to let me give my parents copies of photos of my children, I'd honestly think he's controlling and abusive.

Mil can't win - she's horrible for not taking an interest because she doesn't turn up uninvited, but also horrible because she wants photos of her grandchildren up in her house. Which is it then? She cares too much or not enough?

This. I think you just don't like your MiL.

Oh my God

If there was ever a time to say 'Get over yourself' it's absolutely now OP 🤦‍♀️

They're just bloody photos, no-one will look at them and think anything other than "Oh a family photo in a frame".

It's what literally millions of people have in their homes everywhere.

and it's weird to have same pictures

It really isn't weird. It's very normal for all manner of photographs, especially specially posed for ones.

Maybe this is a dh issue being deflected onto mil? Because on the face of it, her having the same photos isn't a big deal. And visiting by invitation sounds perfect to me. Does your husband listen and respect what you ask for, or is he (and maybe mil by extension) inclined to minimise you and trample all over your opinions, even with things that you've arranged/paid for and therefore aren't DH's to give away? A sort of 'better to ask forgiveness than permission' approach to you?

I don't agree that what's yours is his, in terms of property. Even if they are photos of him and your shared child. If you guys have separate money then he ought not to be giving yours away.

@Ash1006 actually, I would have an issue with dh!!! he must have sneaked them out the house and taken them around to his mums. I see a bit where the OP is coming from!!

My mil came to stay with me for 6 months from hers and dhs home country. She was severely over weight and diabetic. I fed her healthy food and we got her moving and exercise. She got to see her grandkids and stay with them after begging to come.

She called home and said I was starving her because she lost a stone in weight and was crying and wailing. she was a size 24. Dh was pleased she was getting healthy. She went home not long after.

If my only complaint for my mil was because she loved us so much she wanted our photos, then I would have thought I had an amazing MIL.

I agree, thankfully it is not my real life experience. Most people are perfectly sane and manage to get along with In laws, friends and family without turning everything into a bat shit drama. Life must be bloody exhausting for some people on here, lurching from one dram to the next and constantly being offended at everything.

So you're not going to send relatives copies of the school photo every year then. And I presume you're not old enough to remember triple prints, the printing service where you got two tiny copies for every normal sized photo print so that you could give them both away to other people.

Yes YAB massively U. Her having photos of her son's family on display is a perfectly reasonable thing.

You're being absolutely ridiculous. What are you on about when you say it's weird having the same photos? What about things like school photos or graduation ones? Surely they're the same?

I think you need to retitle your thread. Surely the pictures are also DH's?

Can you explain why it would piss you off that a grandparent has pictures in their home of their family? This is perfectly normal behaviour. Grandparents were always given a picture from school photos, professional shots etc. Literally everyone I know dows this It is the most normal thing in the world.

@MartyFunkhouser you sound like a lovely DIL. It does worry me having a son and another on the way, but posts like yours are reassuring

I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures

There are 6 (7 if my parents were still alive), households that all have the same graduation photo of DD.

Mine
Her dad's
3 Aunts
Her paternal grandad's

Not sure why you would think that's weird.

OP, do you mean that MILhas the copies you paid for, and that you don’t have any at all? Or do you mean that she has paid for an extra set?

Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them

Invite them more often and be welcoming?

I'm guessing the OP wanted us all to be mad at her DH and MIL so she could show him the thread to prove her point.
Now that everyone has told her that she is in fact the unreasonable one, I doubt she'll be back.

I am sorry but I honestly do not understand what the issue is here.

I think you shouid be happy that she likes you enough to proudly display you in her home.

No, it’s not that the OP would have to pay for more. She could just print off copies for herself, but for some strange reason she said it would be "weird" to have the same photos in both houses. Sounds like there’s a big problem here but it’s not really anything to do with photos.

Thinking about it some more, I wonder if the problem is that OP is angry with herself/DH for not having printed off and displayed the photos themselves more quickly. I understand if tiredness etc. has prevented that. But unfair to blame in-laws for it.

I'm struggling to understand why you are upset?

Have you heard of digital photography?There's no cloak and dagger sneaking out with photos going on. He literally would have shared a link to his mother and she would have had them printed.

I’m not usually rude on these threads, but you sound unhinged and a control freak. Your husband must walk on eggshells around you too.