Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures

What? That makes absolutely no fucking sense. I'm not surprised your in-laws just drive by without stopping if this is genuinely your attitude.

Sounds like they can't win. I'm sure if they were dropping in unannounced or inviting themselves over, you'd have an issue with that too!

You’re being completely unreasonable. But I imagine this is one of those drive by threads that the OP never returns to. The sort that is created to arouse maximum froth. Ho hum.

All us mothers of sons are dreading being lumbered with a daughtwr in law like you. You sound like fucking hard work and seem to be deliberately isolating your dp away from his family.

Grenade posts I call them.

If she only comes when invited and you want her to come around more, just invite her more. Or say she’s welcome to drop in whenever if that’s what you want.

Sounds like the poor woman can't win. God save us from grandparents who want photos of their grandchildren with their parents.

Ridiculous overreaction to a total non-issue.

Also this: Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them:* *I could bet good money you'd be here complaining if they stopped by uninvited. They can't win.

Or could it possibly be because the GPs could have sorted and paid for some photos if they had really wanted to?

I can just imagine OP's reaction if MIL had asked for a separate photographic sitting for her photos, and the resulting OP.

"She's demanding* that I drag the children over to the photographers AGAIN because my photos aren't good enough for her"

*Because the horror DILs on Mumsnet always claim that MIL demanded, when they probably just asked pleasantly.

Can you imagine if she asked for a picture of just her son and GCs instead without DIL in the pic! Spectacular fireworks I'm sure.

You are being awful and unreasonable I think. Time to give your head a wobble

Non-issue

Gosh I dread being a MIL one day if this is what they deal with.

Absolutely ridiculous.

She wants pics of her grandson and grandchildren to put up in her home... what a crime.

Still unclear how it affects you OP

YABU, the pictures were taken in May, you could have just printed them yourselves. MIL having a pictures of her son son and family is pretty standard.

This. It's posters like the OP who make me glad I have daughters and not sons. Because unfortunately, whilst it doesn't happen in EVERY family, mums of sons do get pushed out a lot more than mums of daughters. Seriously no wonder so many women want at least one daughter.

You are utterly unreasonable or you may be suffering from post-natal depression because your reaction to perfectly normal behaviour seems a little extreme. Why should grandparents not have photos? You wouldn't get them done and originally MiL only asked for one. What's odd about having the same photos? I have the same photos of my DGCs as their parents have, why wouldn't I? (All given to me btw - I am not that bothered about photos!)

But she did get her own sorted and her DH gave them to his mum even after she said no.

So what if she said no. Really...so what?
Dh wanted his mum to have the photos.
Why does OP get to say no? She doesn't does she?

His mum, his relationship, his family photos, entirely his decision. He does not need permission to give his mum some photos. He can just do it if he likes without so much as a teeny toot in OP's direction.

I was merely pointing out to the poster who told OP to arrange photos that she already had.

Without knowing who paid for them we can’t actually say whether her partner did have the right to share them with his mum. He might be in them but that doesn’t mean they are his to share. They could have completely separate finances and they belong solely to the OP (haven’t read full thread so OP may have already said about this).

However arguing over photos is bonkers, that I do agree with.

Oh sorry...I misunderstood your tone.
I took it as being very 'mumsnetty' in which women have every right to control men. There's a fair bit of that on here.

This has got to be a troll surely

Get a grip o yersel min.

What’s the drip that this would bother you as much as it has?

I think the ILs are a bit of a red herring here and that the anger and upset are perhaps misdirected. The biggest issue with me is that you said to your husband you weren't very comfortable with sharing them, he did it anyway behind your back then told you after the fact. Sounds like it's easier for him to do things then look for forgiveness after than have a difficult conversation beforehand. The pictures are no more yours or his to decide what to do with them so there ought to have been a proper conversation beforehand about why you didn't want to send them and whether there was a compromise, maybe one or two you were happy with me or a different family one?

My ILs have a digital photo frame my husband updates remotely. He included a family photo that I hate myself in but him and my son look good. I found out afterwards and his response "what's wrong with my mum wanting photos of her family?" (bit of a spin). Absolutely nothing but if photos must be shared, he could have let me know and given me the opportunity to pick one I was more comfortable with. Now it's on rotation for everyone to see and I feel sad that my feelings were ignored every time I see it. Trying to think light of it that at least it's not me having to look at my awful photo every night over a cup of tea!

We got professional photos done after DS was born. I definitely don't look my best - big milk boobs from early days of breastfeeding in rubbish nursing bras because I hadn't got myself together to buy a new one plus a double chin and a belly. However, I look back on them fondly and don't see that, I see a new mum, a new family and we're all very much in love with our new addition. I'm sure the photographer did a brilliant job and that you have some beautiful photos. Let this one go with the ILs (there will be bigger hills to die on over the years), put them in some lovely frames, hang them and treasure them.

Don’t be daft!

Listen OP, I'm plug ugly so when a nice picture is taken of me, I want EVERYONE to have a copy up in their home.

I understand why you're upset, it's a little bit 'thunder stealing' right? But honestly, it makes no difference if she has the same pics up. She just wants to enjoy looking at your family as much as you do.