Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

I think it's understandable that your MIL would want photos of her family/grandchildren, and that her son would give these to her. You can't dictate what she puts up in her own house - also, you could be the only person who thinks you're not photogenic!
Sounds like there's a bigger issue with her though. You mention them not coming round unless invited - how would you like this to change?

Yes YABU to be "fuming".

I understand perhaps not liking the way you look in a photo but it's nice that she wanted one of all of you.

Perfectly normal and fine for you mil to have photos up of her son’s family.

Unless she stole the actual prints you’d paid for - that would be rude.

I would be annoyed too, she seems to be a "show" grandparent - does she facebook photos of her and the GC too?

"They are my hearts" kind of guff? "I never knew love until I became a Nana"

A granny has put up a nice picture of her son, daughter in law and grandchildren in her home. Thats it.

You Are Being Very Unreasonable.

I would let this one go before you come across as batshit crazy.

There are obviously a few issues here, and PPs are not reading your OP properly.

Firstly, are you saying that your MIL has the five professional prints that you've paid for? Or has your husband sent her the digital files and she's paid to have them printed herself, whilst you still have the five physical prints you've actually paid for? Big difference. If it's the former, she is BANG out of order and so is your husband.

It sounds like you have a poor relationship with the in-laws. I think lots of people can relate to this dynamic, where a set of grandparents put in zero effort and don't show any real interest in your family, aren't willing to make even small considerations and accommodations for your young children, and yet they want to parade the grandchildren on social media and with photos on their walls to try and cultivate an image to extended family and friends of being a caring, present grandma and grandad which just isn't the reality. Can you tell I have the same issue with mine? It's really, really hurtful and I can understand your frustration.

Even so, I think YABU over the photos (assuming she hasn't actually nabbed the professional prints that you paid for). It's not your place to control the relationship between your husband and his parents. It's for him to decide. They aren't abusive or toxic by the sounds of it, they're just a bit shit. And it's not up to you to drive a further wedge between them and your husband over some silliness with photos. I get that it's really annoying, but your role as his partner is just to support him on this. Obviously there are limits to that, but all he's done here is let them have some pictures of his kids. That is his right.

Is there a back story here?
I'm not really seeing an issue with her having a photo up, just because you don't like the way you look doesn't mean everyone feels that way about you. Maybe she just wants a nice photo up of her sons family!?
To be "fuming" is a bit over the top but then again I feel like there may be an underlying issue.

You’re being wildly unreasonable. She wanted a photo of her grandkid. And only visits when you invite them? Maybe be a bit nicer to them? MN is great for helping me realise what other people actually get bothered about

Poor dh. Actually having to ask if his mother can have a photo of him and his family.

What’s the back story??

Your op makes you sounds like a crazy person- everything you have described makes your MIL seem reasonable and thoughtful. And you’re consoling across as spiteful and rude.

You've had since May to get it sorted. You didn't. So your mil has done it herself. You can easily get more prints done.YABU.

Many people would automatically get grandparents one. Like those sets of identical pics of different sizes you get from a school photographer. There are clearly deeper issues here.

Get some therapy before you alienate your entire support network with your unreasonable & controlling behaviour..

Nothing to see here. This is a YOU issue.

You buy digital copies of what you like and print them yourself or put on media/ digital frames etc ....so husband forwarded links just like my son did last night....oh shit will this upset my Dil .........?

In what way are they a support network?

This is the sort of thread I want to point to when people don’t understand gender disappointment around boys. They get married to women like this and all of a sudden you’re public enemy no.1 for wanting to put a photo in your house.

????why because they don't drop in uninvited? Maybe they know op doesn't like them.

I think you sound quite mean tbh. Also if your child is always watching TV when they come round then, especially if it isn't often, I find that rather rude. Turn it off for goodness sake.

YABU and extremely precious.
I would be so happy if my MIL wanted to put up pictures of my family. It shows how much you all mean to her.

You need to deal with your MIL issues before you cause a rift in your family.

I've always felt it's massively inconsiderate to drop in on families with small children without being invited - there is too much danger that you'll wake the baby, or they'll hate you for turning up when there are toys and drying washing everywhere and the toddler has just been throwing his food around the room and is wandering around without a nappy on. I'm amazed you resent your in-laws for that.

Youre being v unreasonable. Her son gave his mum a lovely proud photo of his/her family

Im scared my son will marry someone like you one day.

Unless there’s a backstory and we’re going to get a drip feed bombshell then YABVVVVU

I can sort of understand you maybe being a little bit miffed but fuming??? I think you’re hugely over reacting

This is either naive or wilfully ignorant of the situation OP has described.

She says "They make little to no effort with our children or us". Wanting to display some photos is not proof that she cares when she can't be arsed with the actual people in the photos. It's just what these people do to try and put across a particular image to people visiting their home.

I'm really glad that so many of you don't have to deal with this dynamic in your families, but it would be nice if you weren't so dismissive of the people who do.