Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

Your husband can give his mum photos of his family if he wants.
You are not the gatekeeper.

You are being totally unreasonable. Most grandparents have copies of family photos in their home. I don’t understand why you think photos can’t be copied and shared. It is not at all "weird".

I also don’t understand why you complain that they only come when invited. Most DILs would love that. Would you really rather they rocked up whenever they fancied, regardless of how inconvenient it was for you?

Don't make enemies of your in-laws. The time might come when you will be glad to use them for childminding etc. But even apart from that, why do you want to deny them the pleasure of having photos of their son and his family in their house? Frankly, you sound like the DIL from hell. I feel sorry for your in-laws, and for your DH who obviously realises you are being totally unreasonable.

Whilst I understand that you might be feeling a bit self conscious about the photos and the tiredness of a newborn might be a factor here...you are being unreasonable.

What would your reaction be if the shoe was on the other foot in regard to your mum having photos?

Sorry but this is pathetic and a non issue .

Is anyone else wondering how the MIL got hold of the photos to print them off? Surely when someone has professional photos taken, they are sent proofs to decide which ones they want, then the photographer prints them off and sends digital copies.

My mum drops in all the time @saraclara. “I saw this at the shops and thought you might like it”, “just passing and saw you were in”, “do either of the kids want to come for a walk?” I’ve (politely) told her it’s not convenient a few times, and she’s (poltitely) left, but am mostly happy to see her. Maybe try it. Or ask them how they’d feel.

You're being completely ridiculous.

You're being weird.

In the 1990s, maybe.

I view mine online, choose the ones I want and the photographer gives me a download link.

Yabu. Chill out.

This is just bitchy. Are you really that sad that you get your kicks out of saying stuff like this to people on the internet on a Sunday morning?

It's nice she's put one up of all of you. My MIL tries to erase my existence

At least she's getting enjoyment out of looking at them, it's not like she's cut you out of the photo. Those photos are so precious to you that you haven't even got round to displaying them. You'll feel happier if you're a bit more generous towards your in laws OP.

I sort of get it. My MIL prints photos we send her and turns them into enormous canvases she puts on the wall. Did the same with my scan photo. Oh look, there's my uterus, on the hallway wall! Don't think it would bother me remotely if she asked first, or if she even just mentioned it in conversation at some point, but they're just THERE when we turn up to visit and I always find it a bit... Arresting? I'm an intensely private person and would never share photos of my kids on SM or anything. But then there's also a huge backstory with my MIL and we have a very complicated relationship which has sadly deteriorated since having my first child.

Kindly, I don't think you should say anything (I haven't). Try to look at the intent behind her actions - it's probably coming from a place of love, even though it might have been nice for her to ask first, especially if these were paid professional photos.

You're being ridiculous and precious not letting her have a photo in the beginning.

I can understand that you’re feeling self conscious, and maybe a bit blindsided that you weren’t asked when you’d gone to the effort of arranging the photos and paying for them.

It also sounds like there’s some back story or tension in the relationship.

But honestly, it’s not a big deal for her to have them as well. Get yours up and enjoy looking at this memento of your lovely family and try and extend the same grace to your in-laws. Honestly the main reason I’ve ever paid for professional photos was for an easy gift for in laws to be honest, my aunt usually wants a copy too - stick em in a nice frame and there’s a Christmas present ‘from’ DD sorted.

🤣🤣 I was honestly thinking ‘this has got to be the same poster as the bonkers frame woman!’

They haven’t done anything wrong, just perhaps not what you wanted - which whatever half of mumsnet seem to think, is not a free pass to be unreasonable, cut contact, become totally self centred etc. I hope you aren’t the type to have an issue with whatever they did - if they had no photos up, if they came round more etc etc. which would spell something much more disturbing than a touch of self consciousness. Def time to put this one behind you and be glad they wanted a photo of your lovely family!

You are being unreasonable and is it bad that they don't come unless you invite them?! Surely from the way you're going on if they just turned up you'd be complaining.

Gently, YABU. It’s lovely she wants the photos up.

more widely though, i think you have a DP problem, not a MIL problem.

1. he passed on the photos, knowing you didn’t want him to
2. when you mentioned that you were disappointed they weren’t on your walls, he told you they were on his mum’s (inferring she was doing better than you?)
3. he didn’t bloody print them and frame them himself

It sounds to me like you are the one with the problem with your MiL. Maybe if she was made more welcome by you she would feel that she could just drop in when passing, it sounds to me that she wouldn't dare to drop in uninvited poor woman. Get over the photo drama and build a good relationship with her and, your poor husband must feel like piggy in the middle.

you are being horrible.

that is your husbands Mother! unless she has done something so completely horrible to you then yabu.

Your poor, poor mil. I’m not surprised she doesn’t come round much!

There's GOT to be a massive backstory here.

Be glad you have in laws that care and love you all enough to want photos of you up around their house.