Husband allowed his mother to print my photos

[Ash1006]

So we've just had our 2nd baby and I'm sick of not having decent pictures so I found a photographer arranged some photos. My MIL kept banging on about wanting a picture of the 4 of us not to me just to husband bare in mind baby is only now 16 weeks old.
So we had photos taken in May and he asked about giving his mum one and I said not really happy as were only getting 5 and I want to put them up in my house, and it's weird to have same pictures also I'm really not photogenic so took lot for me to do this. This week I said we really must get those printed and framed and he told me his mum already has them up in her house.

AIBU to be fuming I really feel like she should take it down, I did all the work arranged photographer our time to have them done and paid for them amd yet she's the one displaying.

They make little to no effort with our children or us. Drive past frequently and never come round unless we invite them when they do come will only come in afternoon then complain that 2yo only wants to watch tv and grumpy as we've just woken her.

Husband allowed his mother
Son gives his mum family photos.

It's like you have no control of anything where she's concerned.
Son gives his mum family photos. MIL didn’t sneak into the house and steal them.

You may be a MIL one day op.

The OP wants the photos up in 'my house', I wonder where the poor husband lives?

So... There is some reason why you are getting exactly 5 copies and she has taken some of those five, even more than one? I'd be fuming.

It is not unreasonable she wants some image, and I would prefer to get her some extra copy of the same image if I deemed it acceptable photo than having to do another one.

In the same time, we are allowed to have unusual preferences, and if yours is not displaying the same images in two houses, I'd expect DH to work with you, not cross you on this.

Here for the drip feed that she's using it for dart practise.....other than that YABU

YABU
Multiple people can print the same photo out and display it in their house…it’s a photo not the bloody Crown Jewels! So you’re not sharing the photos with any of your family either or is this just a MIL issue? Or is it that she could be bothered to print them out but you couldn’t?

We get professional photos done of the kids every year, we share them with the entire family and if they want to get them printed out they do. My MIL has them all over her house because she has taken the time to print them out….i have a list of ones that will be printed out eventually when I get a spare minute….i am not at all bothered that she has them up in her house and i don’t despite the fact I paid for the photo session, coordinated it and occasionally took the kids on my own to get them taken if my husband, her son, was busy. I think it’s nice that I get to see the photos when we visit.

You sound a nightmare DIL.

Seriously? You sound like a nightmare. Read your OP back, are you really that petty?

What’s the real issue here? They only come when you invite them (which sounds quite respectful of your boundaries tbh) and they want a family pic in their home.

I’m not saying there isn’t a problem, but I don’t think the photos are it.

So I used to get really fucked off at my well meaning MIL doing things like trying to remove bolognese stains from my son’s clothes with bleach and then ruining them (annoying but not exactly a deal breaker) but the real issue was that I found her pushy and disrespectful of my need for a little space. In retrospect she doesn’t see her grandson often, is a little lonely, and he’s her only grandchild, and I had a raging case of PND, so I wasn’t viewing anything through a very rational lens. Seven years, a lockdown or two and better mental health on my part has meant I can shrug off her perceived pushiness a lot more easily.

not saying any of that applies to you but those early months can be an absolute whopper in terms of precious behaviour.

Well she can hardly drag OP and the baby to a photographers to get her own photo, can she? I can't I can only imagine OP 's response of her MIL asked for a separate photographers appointment.

Instead she's done what pretty much every grandparent would do, and asked her offspring if she could have a copy of the photos. There's nothing 'being handed on a plate' here. It's absolutely normal family behaviour.

You are being rather silly.

You honestly need to grow up.

To only visit when invited is pretty standard, if you want them to visit more, invite them more. The photo is a non issue, I’d given all my family members a photo within weeks of the birth.

You're making a fuss about nothing.

It's completely normal for a grandparent to want to display a photo of their son and his family on their wall.
The fact that she "did it first" is irrelevant.

I saw very little of my own grandparents growing up. They weren't much more than "these nice old people we visited with occasionally." But of course they had photos of my sister and I (and our cousins) around the house!

There must be a lot more backstory to this!

Oh don't be so mean spirited! For goodness sake OP. It's lovely that she wants a photo of you all.
What a nasty attitude you have.

It doesn't matter if they are the same photos in her house as yours. Not weird at all.
Your baby is 4 months old and she's got no photos?! Just wow. I think I had at least 1000 at that point, probably more. You'll regret not taking photos as they grow and change fast.
I think you sound like a nightmare to be honest. Hopefully just your hormones cause your causing problems over silly things

It has obviously hit a nerve with you, but I think you need to let it go.

My mum is in some of our paid for family photo's she just has prints of the ones she wants. We also printed one without her for ILs. They in their house have some of the professional pics framed on the wall from BILs wedding so presumably got them off him at some point.

It's very normal for different people (connect to the pics) to display the same professional pics. You pay a lot of money for them so they might as well be enjoyed.

Yet you don't think her DH gets a say in whether his own mother gets a photo of the family?

If a woman posted on here about her DH refusing to let her mother have a copy of such a photo, would you be saying the same?

She was given the photos, she didn't just take them. Her son gave them to her!

I can't imagine being upset about my childrens grandparents displaying photos of their son & his children . They are their family too OP & as a daughter-in-law so are you. How would you feel in later life if your children asked you to remove their photos from your living room.

My Gran’s house was the family gallery. My parents had the real children in the house, Gran had the photographs.

why wouldn’t you want her to have pictures of the family.

going to my in laws now it’s the same, they have loads of pictures of their grand kids and their kids weddings etc.

I’d be pleased they want to put up a lovely photo of you. I really don’t see the issue. I’d be more bothered if they had no photos.

Oh dear, OP... there really is no issue here at all.

You would like your MIL to drop in on you unannounced? Then you should really tell her so, because most people would really not appreciate people knocking on their door with no notice. There is no way your MIL could possibly guess that dropping in at random times was a requirement.

What is the problem with the photo thing? Put up your own. Be glad, as others have said, that she is sufficiently interested to display the photo. My MIL has many many family photos in her house, including many portrait photos of herself... but I don't appear in any of them. Even the photo from my wedding to her son, she managed to select from the album the one where I did not feature!

This has to be this first time I’ve seen someone on mumsnet complaining that their in-laws only come round when invited 🤣

Control freak.

🤣