Mil thinks DH should pay towards his grandmothers funeral

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My mil has over half a million in savings (i know because she recently sold 2 of her houses), and lives in a 5 bedroom house. We have two young children and live in a small 3 bedroom house and trying to save every penny for a bigger house. I have not been able to work for the previous 6 years because my son has autism and is quite high needs.

Mil thinks he and his 2 siblings should pay towards her mothers (their grandmothers) burial. Mil mother (DH grandmother) had no savings or money when she died to cover it.
AIBU to think that is ridiculous?

The DWP won't cough up, but the LA can't force someone to pay purely on the grounds of being related.

The family would have to provide a written statement to the LA declaring that they have no access to funds to cover the funeral and then sign over the responsibility of GM’s body to the LA. They can’t insist that the family pay but the process is not without its’ pressures.

The person who arranges the funeral is liable for the bill. If that's your MiL then it's up to her to pay it. If she was strapoed for cash it would be the decent thing to chip in, but clearly thats not the case here. Your H is neither legally or morally responsible so should tell his mother no.

OP has stated GM has no estate, only debts.
The estate belonging to MIL, DH and siblings is that of the GF.

The question is.
Do relatives feel a moral obligation to pay for their mothers and grandmothers funeral.
I would pay my share, of course. If I had the means which it seems OP does.

This.

Yes, the LA are likely to try and pressure them.

Mil also expects dh and his siblings to split GM's debt - the overpaid pension and outstanding gas and electricity bill as well as burial costs😡its looking like a few thousand for each sibling

Has anyone pointed out to her that the debts will die with DGM?

@SocoBateVira think she has already paid them I think, as she wouldn't want the stigma of unpaid debts. And is just demanding dh and siblings split it, plus burial cost, plus the decorating on the house she decided on

Ah, I see.

Usually she'd have a point about the decorating and maintenance costs generally. But perhaps someone should try asking her if she'd like the legalities of her decision to let her mother live in the property while the beneficiaries were children to be looked at with a fine toothed comb. Personally I'd call it a draw if I were her!

Imagine quibbling like this over burying your own mother. Shameful, your MIL sounds awful OP.

Surely it’s in everyone’s best interest that has a share in the house to deal with any maintenance issues or decorating if its going up for sale.

Surely it’s in everyone’s best interest that has a share in the house to deal with any maintenance issues or decorating if its going up for sale. yes but not the burial costs and overpaid pension or electricity bill, because GM died with no money. Mil (with more than half a million in the bank, no morgage, no dependents) is basically asking DH (with 2 young children and a morgage) to use the inherence he got from his grandfather to pay towards Mil's mothers funeral and debt.

Did he actually get any inheritance or was it all tied up in the house that his Grandmother lived in, and he wasn’t raid any share of the “rent”

I’ve changed my mind to what I thought earlier and think MIL should do the decent thing pay for the funeral and get the house on the market so that the Grandfather’s will wishes can be honoured.

Did he actually get any inheritance or was it all tied up in the house that his Grandmother lived in tied up in the houe the grandmother lived in. Dh got no share of any rent, don't think mil charged her rent unless she did and kept it secret

I understood it was the GFs decision to allow his exwife to live in the property. Not MILs

Apologies OP states GF died when her dh was a child and GM has been living in the property since then. So either MILs decision or possibly GF agreed before he died. I’m guessing no one really knows as dh and sibling were young at the time.

I understood it was the GFs decision to allow his exwife to live in the property. Not MILs I think it was mil's idea

How can you stomach being married to him?

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

I've always wanted to say that! But on a serious note, it is definitely her responsibility to pay for her mother's funeral - nothing to do with the grandchildren. She is next of kin, she can pay for it.

I'd personally refuse to discuss any finances with her re: the funeral, because it isn't your job to pay for it. She can pay for it in cash, out of her recent house sale.

Then I'd treat the sale of your DH grandfather's property as a separate issue once the funeral is all sorted. Make sure the solicitor dealing with the sale of the house knows to pay the money to you all individually, so your MIL doesn't lie about how much the proceeds owed from the house are... As I'm not sure I'd trust her to fairly reimburse you if the house sale money was just paid to her and given to her to distribute (even if this incurs extra solicitor fees for extra bank transfer admin charge).

Sorry for your DH loss xx

If there is no estate in GMs name the debt should be written off - certainly this applies to over paid pension as DWP cannot hold anyone else responsible for the repayment of overpaid benefits. The electricity bill would depend on whose name was on the account.

I could be wrong here but if the GM has no money then the debts unless secured against the house die with her. If it was also notified very quickly and it’s an admin error to the over paid pension that also may not need paying back however where is that money now?
The funeral one is difficult because if they’ve all got some part in the estate maybe they can all give some. But ultimately no one is liable to pay it.
And it could be a very low key affair - as presume there are no funeral plans in place to execute any of gm wishes. If they go down the low key side then anything extra mil wants she needs to cover herself

This - and I would be using these words too. Cheeky or what.😒

Any reason why dh doesn't just repeat the word no to his dm?

It sounds like legally she has to pay for it as she's NOK. She cannot make your DH and siblings pay, she can only ask (or in your case bully). What does your DH want to do? If he's in agreement with you then he just has to say no and really mean it!