Is this money set up fair?

[DollarDollar]

H has income of £2400 a month. I have income of £4300 a month. Both work full time. I do majority of childcare and all mental load. I wfh.

Our house outgoings are £3,500 (nursery, mortgage, bills, insurance etc). It did not used to be this much. Then there are clubs, kids clothes, one off things etc, Christmas, birthdays etc.

Everything listed above I pay for and manage.

He transfers £500 a month to me. And he does the food shops (£600). I have asked if he could transfer a bit more as doest seen fair.

He refuses to talk to me about it. Told me he's never got any money and he spends everything on us. And that £500 is absolutely fair enough. He gets v angry and insulting so we don't talk about it anymore but despite esrning decent wage - I have no money left at end of the month.

I know I need to sit down and work it out but he won't engage!

I feel like I'm being totally reasonable to ask for more money or at least have a conversation about it!

You wrote in an earlier post they are so happy, loving mummy and daddy?
Now your son actively dislikes your husband?
Your husband has very little interest in his children and doesn't engage much?
Of course your children are going to be well aware who their carer is.

As you grow up you know exactly by osmosis how your primary carers feel about you.
Words are not necessary.

The great thing about being the higher earner though is that it’s easier to leave!

You went about it the wrong way. Tell him you think it's worth sitting down together to find ways to save money on the household finances as you think your both struggling. This gets you all the info of incoming and outgoing then work out who pays what percentage based on your earnings. If he doesn't like it you can always look at child maintenance calculator and say that if you split his going to be paying you x amount and doing his food, rent and bills etc.

Ultimately regarding who pays what comes down to who owns the property etc.

Passive is a very generous word to use there, it's actually uncaring. That's horrible. Yes, if your ds continues to live in his dads presence 24-7, he will be the type of adult desperate for attention and he will seek it anywhere. He won't remember the particular crying/YouTube incident but he is forming memories and will be triggered by similar when he's older.
Unless I've got the thread mixed up, and my apologies if so, there's so many arsehole husbands the threads blend in to one, what makes you think he will go for 50/50? It doesn't sound like he wants to spend any time with them. Getting them separate from this horrible male influence on their life will be a good thing for them, not a negative.

Glad you've decided you want to leave. No doubt it will be difficult and unsettling for your children but I highly doubt you will regret it once the dust has settled. He sounds so horrible, he really does. You shouldn't feel afraid to bring up a topic with someone who is supposed to love and support you. Wishing you the best of luck with it all. Well done for smashing your career and being a high earner so at least you've got that on your side.

Yup.