Parents contributing to nieces’ school fees

[EriDaCat]

Hi, I know I’m probably BU but I’m frustrated and need to rant!
My parents are mid 50s, my dad is a Dentist and my mum works in HR . Both now work 5 days a week. No idea what they are earning but they are mortgage free and live in the NE.
I have no children, I’m married, I don’t know if I want children. My brother has 2 daughters 4 and almost 1. My brother works in finance, not investment banking but he is doing well for his age, is a “head of” and I imagine makes around 150k maybe even more. His wife is a teacher at a private school, finishing her maternity leave but works part time anyway.
Id say they are incredibly privileged, she inherited a house from a relative (not parents) and it sold for over 3 million, after inheritance tax they were able to buy a lovely 5 bed in a very expensive part of SW London. They are mortgage free and seem to have a lovely life.

Now today I was talking to my mum, she mentioned DN starting school this year and I said “state or private” (my brother and I were both privately educated but my parents made massive sacrifices to do this). This is when my mum told me they have offered to pay 25% of both DN’s school fees. Apparently the fees are about £6500 per term but obviously tax will be added soon so enough. My parents are estimating around £500 a month right now but expect it will go up. My mum told me that they will be sending them £1000 a month, when I asked why when only the eldest will be in school she more or less said - help with nursery costs. The other 75% is being covered 50% brother and his wife and 25% by his wife’s parents. I asked my parents what they will do when they retire but apparently the plan is they will go the secondary school my brother’s wife works at and they have a discount for children of staff.

Now I’m sort of resentful, I don’t have children and may never have but my mortgage is more than the cost of their school fees and I earn less. It feels like my brother and his wife work for nothing and it really irks me. I think my parents are being stupid giving away so much money every month. Sometimes I think they only do it to compete with brother’s wife’s parents who are equally well off but she is an only child.

AIBU to find this really annoying and to resent it?

If your dn is at the same school as her dm then she could be getting 50% off fees as staff. So effectively £3k odd a term.
Not your business tbh. I work in private and it’s not unusual for the grandparents or relatives to pay the fees.

I can see your point of view tbh and your parents too.
I think even as adults we still view our parents as our Parents and expect us/ siblings to be treated equally. Your parents are giving to their own grand kids and they are prob seeing them as a seperate entity to you and your brother. They are likely wanting them (who they also perceive as their own kids) to have the same privileges as you and your brother. In my experience it’s important not to let money/favouritism get in the way of family relationships. You can tell them and your brother how you feel but it may not change much and you may have to accept that they are spending on their own grand kids

I agree.
I have 3 adult children and 6 grandchildren.
In my will, all children get an equal amount as do grandchildren. They are treated as individuals, not 3 separate families
If I thought that any of them were complaining about this there would be harsh words

I think YABU. They're paying towards their grandchildren's education which is their choice. You don't have kids so don't need it for that. If you have children one day and they don't do the same for them, then you have a right to feel resentful. Until then, you don't.

25% of £6500 is £1625, so £800 from each parent -ish

are your parents not allowed to spend their disposable income as they wish ?

no where have you said how much your husband earns, nor have you said how much he pays towards the mortgage

all you have said is that your mortgage is higher than the sum of money your parents jointly wish to contribute to the school fees.

' but my mortgage is more than the cost of their school fees and I earn less.'

' My brother works in finance, not investment banking but he is doing well for his age, is a “head of” and I imagine makes around 150k maybe even more. '

but...how much does your husband earn ?

as surely both of you are paying the mortgage...

It's not fair and it sucks I do feel for you. My mum has my sister live in her second home ( inherited from her parents ) rent free and pays for things for her kids and gives our kids absolutely nothing . There's nothing you can do about it just how it is. Just focus on you and what your doing and try not to think about it too much OP I couldn't do it to my family but some people are just like that unfortunately.

Your parents want to make sure they stay part of their DGCs lives and not be undercut by the other GP. You can compete with your DBro but not GC.

It must feel like favouritism but I don't think anything you do or say will change that.
Get on with your life, be happy and independent, try to be part of their lives but don't winge about the money, I don't think it will help.

Exactly! They’ve had hundreds of thousands and thinks they’re not grabby because she won’t let her MIL buy lunch for her!! Unbelievable…