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AIBU?

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Original poster

To feel quite upset - just got told by a stranger to get out of his fucking way

244 replies

Acapulco12 · 06/07/2024 10:09

Was walking badk from the shops this morning and swerved to avoid a puddle on one side and another walker approaching me on th other side.

Whilst doing this, I was pretty much neck and neck with a guy who told me off for walking in front of him. I apologised and said I hadn’t meant to but wanted to avoid the puddle and the other guy. He then said, ‘avoid me!’ and then ‘get out of my fucking way’.

i know this is a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things but it upset me. I’ve never ever had this. It was like road rage, but between walkers.

I understand I shouldn’t have been in his way and walked in front of him and changed direction, but I explained why I did it and I didn’t deserve for him to speak to me so rudely. I said to him that he’d been very rude and he just strode off without saying anything.

Obviously he thinks he’s completely in the right, and maybe he’s also having a bad day, but it gives him no right at all to speak to me like that.

OP posts:
Cantabulous · 06/07/2024 11:32

BigFatLiar · 06/07/2024 10:24

No harm done. It was a bit uncalled fir but non of us know what was going on in his life. He may have been having the shittiest day ever.

I hope he WAS having the shittest day ever. And I hope it got worse for him. Wanker.

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/07/2024 11:32

GCAcademic · Today 10:20
I bet he would have managed to keep a lid on his aggression if it had been a well-built bloke who had got in his way

Absolutely this.
You've acknowledged you were wrong though and won’t do it again. Put it out of your mind now.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 06/07/2024 11:32

HonoraBridge · 06/07/2024 11:28

That is a really unkind and unhelpful comment. Why do you feel so superior?

Show quote history

I agree. OP had to make a quick decision on a crowded path, and made a mistake, as we all do at times. She was right to apologise, to be polite, but he sounds dangerous.

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 06/07/2024 11:33

NOTthisOldchestnut · 06/07/2024 11:32

I always think when people can be this rude to strangers, how will they treat their own family behind closed doors.

Show quote history

True.

Crumpleton · 06/07/2024 11:33

combinationpadlock · 06/07/2024 10:18

swearing is the displacement for violence. Your brain interprets it as violence. This is why it is so important not to allow swear words to become so common place that they are not a substitute for violence, and people then move straight to actual violence rather than this intermediate step. It is also why it is so upsetting to be sworn at.

Gosh...Bit of an eye opener.

There was a thread on MN not long ago re swearing and the general consensus was that it's a done thing and many saw no reason not to swear.

Demonhunter · 06/07/2024 11:37

You would've pissed me off, especially as my chronic pain condition can mean even a slight touch against me feels like I've been punched when it's a bad day, so I avoid crowds like the plague. I wouldn't have sworn but be mindful of who you're walking in the way of when it's not a crowd.

LlynTegid · 06/07/2024 11:38

Absolutely no defence for his response. And hopefully his sex life is a solo one.

Epicaricacy · 06/07/2024 11:39

I would love to know where you live if you get that upset because someone used the word "fucking" in an exchange like this, it wasn't even an argument.

It's such a non issue, I honestly cannot comprehend why you need to start a thread. Person is in a bad mood, use expletives, his problem, who cares?
Would you get this upset if someone mutters "for fucks sakes" in front of you?

You don't have to use that language, but you must be familiar enough with the words not to be give it a second thought?

I apologised and said I hadn’t meant to but wanted to avoid the puddle
I am guessing his reply was more to your unnecessary lengthy explanation, when most people would just say "sorry" and move on.

betterangels · 06/07/2024 11:40

Thebellofstclements · 06/07/2024 11:01

Jumping out in front of someone walking along is incredibly rude, I'd have given you a piece of my mind too. You wouldn't do it driving a car, you shouldn't do it walking along. And to the person saying they don't check behind them when changing direction walking: you should, it's basic manners from the age of 11.

This. You were rude, and he said the quiet part out loud.

I have this constantly. People walk in front of me constantly when I'm in the wheelchair. Check behind you.

Southlondoner88 · 06/07/2024 11:41

It’s not your fault, he’s prob just having a bad day. Something similar happened to me a while back, I wanted to ask a staff member at a tube station something, he was standing near the large gate that allows children/ buggies through and the natural thing for me to do was briefly stand in front of the gate so I could get his attention. Then a woman shouted at me to move out of the way that I was rudely blocking the gate. She was quite rude and obnoxious about it and had kids and grandparents with her so I just though my wow why would you bother embarrassing yourself in front of the whole family. Like seriously, people can just say excuse me and move on, not make it a huge ordeal. Silly me for standing in front of the get but what is the point in getting worked up, I was only there for a few seconds and there was nowhere else to stand, station was small.

when I think back now it was a time where I was going through IVF and I was on my way back from one of my scans with not so great news, as well as that I think the trains were screwed up and that’s what I wanted to ask the staff member so my head was probably in the clouds. Sadly people don’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt, it’s sad. Let’s hope this man isn’t rude but going through a tough time.

i stood up to her but it ruined my day as well, I know how you feel.

Sux2buthen · 06/07/2024 11:43

Buddysbunda · 06/07/2024 10:36

Oblivious pedestrians annoy the crap out of me. I walk and run a lot and am always aware of others around me, moving in and stopping to let others pass if necessary. I do fake nonchalance at others rudeness though and smile and pretend it isn't really irritating. The bloke was out of order. If we all went around saying what we think it wouldn't be a very nice place to live.

To be fair runner entitlement on the path is the worst Grin

newusern9999 · 06/07/2024 11:44

I think it’s possible that you don’t know his circumstances. DH might have sworn at you. He has ASD, andhd and hearing loss and processing difficulties. He would probably have jumped if you’d walked in front of him unexpectedly as he wouldn’t have been able
to hear or process what was happening and that would have led to a flight or fright response. So I always try to be a bit forgiving of people in instances like this.

Socrateswasrightaboutvoting · 06/07/2024 11:44

ciderhouserules · 06/07/2024 10:57

There was no need for his reaction, but you could have stopped and waited a few seconds for him to pass rather than swerve into his path. Did you not glance behind you to ensure the pavement was clear before swerving the puddle or was he walking along and you suddenly veered into the path he was taking?

There have been studies made that show that Women, on a course with a Man coming the other way, will almost always move to get out of his way. Almost never the man moving out of the way of a woman. Try it. Hmm
So yeah, look where you are going, but that applies to everyone, not just you, OP. He could have anticipated you moving to avoid the puddle, couldn't he, but he probably expected you to do something, anything, other than actually get in his way!

If you are arriving at the same time and the obstruction is your side you wait, if the obstruction is their side they should wait. The man should not have been aggressive but had OP swerved In front of me like that when the obstruction was on their side, I would most definitely I called them out on it. Courtesy is a two way street.

sabadoo · 06/07/2024 11:48

What a dick, he's clearly a miserable sod with a miserable life and I doubt anyone gives a flying fuck about him so he takes out his misery and frustration on others and most likely on women especially because he'll probably scared of other men. Please put it out of your head, forget him and do something lovely for yourself today, now if you can!

coldcallerbaiter · 06/07/2024 11:48

A man yelled at me when I was in the right and he was wrong, I had right of way and blocked his exit for a mili sec, when driving but even so I would have let it go, I let people drive badly and do not honk etc.
He wound the window down, I wound mine, all I thought was how common you are, and aren’t you ugly too. Was about to say it, and he practically scraped by over the pavement to get ahead of me. How small he must feel in his life to have to get that win.

IAlwaysTellTheTruthEvenWhenILie · 06/07/2024 11:48

He said aloud what I would've said in my head if someone suddenly walked in front of me

sabadoo · 06/07/2024 11:49

newusern9999 · 06/07/2024 11:44

I think it’s possible that you don’t know his circumstances. DH might have sworn at you. He has ASD, andhd and hearing loss and processing difficulties. He would probably have jumped if you’d walked in front of him unexpectedly as he wouldn’t have been able
to hear or process what was happening and that would have led to a flight or fright response. So I always try to be a bit forgiving of people in instances like this.

Having your own issues is no reason to swear at someone or be rude. I have family members with ASD and they wouldn't be so rude.

Roundroundthegarden · 06/07/2024 11:51

mrsdineen2 · 06/07/2024 10:21

I have to tell my 6 year old to watch where they're walking and be mindful of others. My 8 year old has gotten the memo. How old are you OP?

Exactly, you could have done the obvious thing of waited till the person walked past and then walked in his direction. I would have been bloody angry too if you walked into my face , as you could have hurt me.

InactionIsAWeaponOfMassDestruction · 06/07/2024 11:55

ciderhouserules · 06/07/2024 10:57

There was no need for his reaction, but you could have stopped and waited a few seconds for him to pass rather than swerve into his path. Did you not glance behind you to ensure the pavement was clear before swerving the puddle or was he walking along and you suddenly veered into the path he was taking?

There have been studies made that show that Women, on a course with a Man coming the other way, will almost always move to get out of his way. Almost never the man moving out of the way of a woman. Try it. Hmm
So yeah, look where you are going, but that applies to everyone, not just you, OP. He could have anticipated you moving to avoid the puddle, couldn't he, but he probably expected you to do something, anything, other than actually get in his way!

I read about this, and about Patriarchy Chicken, when you behave exactly as the man does & hold your course. Tried it & it’s liberating!! 😆

AdoraBell · 06/07/2024 11:56

It speaks about him OP You did nothing wrong, as pp said don’t give him any head space.

Allthecatseverywhereallatonce · 06/07/2024 11:56

GCAcademic · 06/07/2024 10:20

I bet he would have managed to keep a lid on his aggression if it had been a well-built bloke who had got in his way.

Exactly this what an idiot. I don't think you did anything that warranted this level of reaction, you made a mistake but surely he could have stopped.
I hate men who talk like this to women. I likely would have laughed at him.

lacefan · 06/07/2024 11:56

Let me give you a tip OP- it's from Paul McKenna's book. Whenever someone says something to you that stays with you and you cant shake it off- take some deep breaths, go back to the scene in your mind, visualise it exactly. Then, imagine him saying exactly what he did but in a really ridiculous squeaky Mickey Mouse voice, try it again with another ridiculous voice - the more ridiculous the better. It instantly takes the power out of the words. Works for me every time and it actually makes it funny.

AngelinaFibres · 06/07/2024 11:57

Acapulco12 · 06/07/2024 10:15

Thanks everyone ❤️ I’m very lucky that my life is generally a wanker-free zone, so I think that’s why it upset me today. @FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren yes I should have done that! That would have avoided the whole situation.

You think he was a wanker. He thought you were a wanker. You are both correct. Let ut go and move on.

parkrun500club · 06/07/2024 11:59

combinationpadlock · 06/07/2024 10:18

swearing is the displacement for violence. Your brain interprets it as violence. This is why it is so important not to allow swear words to become so common place that they are not a substitute for violence, and people then move straight to actual violence rather than this intermediate step. It is also why it is so upsetting to be sworn at.

Agreed. MNers take note. Swearing is not big or clever and it does come over as extremely aggressive. Especially when (older) men do it to (younger) women but more generally too.

GeraniumLeaves · 06/07/2024 11:59

Inevitable that posters are picking over the op’s behaviour. Maybe I’m a particularly awful/selfish/oblivious person, but I make similarly trivial errors not infrequently. And encounter them. It’s human. Swearing is really not ok and out of all proportion to the ‘crime’. Hope op is not focusing on all the comments focusing on what she did.