To feel quite upset - just got told by a stranger to get out of his fucking way

[Acapulco12]

Was walking badk from the shops this morning and swerved to avoid a puddle on one side and another walker approaching me on th other side.

Whilst doing this, I was pretty much neck and neck with a guy who told me off for walking in front of him. I apologised and said I hadn’t meant to but wanted to avoid the puddle and the other guy. He then said, ‘avoid me!’ and then ‘get out of my fucking way’.

i know this is a tiny thing in the grand scheme of things but it upset me. I’ve never ever had this. It was like road rage, but between walkers.

I understand I shouldn’t have been in his way and walked in front of him and changed direction, but I explained why I did it and I didn’t deserve for him to speak to me so rudely. I said to him that he’d been very rude and he just strode off without saying anything.

Obviously he thinks he’s completely in the right, and maybe he’s also having a bad day, but it gives him no right at all to speak to me like that.

Would "we"? Stepping infront of a stranger whilst walking does not warrant being shouted at, or "given a piece of your mind". At best, it's mildly inconvenient for about 20 seconds and then you move on with your life.

Just try to forget it and move on. It says so much more about him than you and it says he's an aggressive prat.

No excuse for crudeness and rudeness.

Obviously brought up by uncivilised oiks. You sort of have to feel sorry for people like this. Manners mean absolutely everything to me.

I have a couple of put-down phrases ready prepared (not swearing or insulting but very sarcastic) for people like this - because you never think of what to say at the time.

Thanks @CoffeeCantata ❤️ I’d be interested to know what those phrases are, if you wouldn’t mind sharing them please. I’m on the lookout for comebacks I can use in this sort of situation, where suitable, just in case something similar happens again.

Why does this have to turn into a sexist thing? There are plenty of aggressive swearing women.
I'm shocked you don't hear it every time you go out maybe you all live in quiet little towns.

It's a discussion about a MAN telling a woman to fuck off. Not about 'aggressive swearing women'. If you wish to discuss that topic start your own thread.

However, your reply does reek of ingrained misogyny.

An interaction between a man and a woman is going to have a different power dynamic than an interaction between two women. Unless there are other factors involved (disability, age etc) a man swearing at a woman is going to be more threatening than a woman swearing at a woman because the latent potential for violence is greater.

I agree with you that there are plenty of aggressive, swearing women around here, though.

It's a discussion about being told to fuck off by a human it doesn't matter if that human is male/female/or identifying as a cat, if they are white/black or Asian....it happens everywhere everyday by all sorts of humans as does the ignorance of stepping across etc....why does everything have to be sexist....would the op have not said it was rude if it was a woman? Is anybody suggesting it was sexist of the op not then assuming it was okay to go In front of a man because she was a woman? You could turn it both ways if you're being truly fair.

So women can be rude and abusive but men have to be polite at all times? How is that being asked to be treated equally? I have fought for real equality arguments in the past such as men in the workplace groping women by your argument it would be fine for a woman to grab a man's arse because he's physically stronger....
Fuck off is a common expression now used through all ages groups under 70 and genders in it self it means nothing even friends say it to each other unless accompanied by an aggressive action or facial expression it's no more to many than saying that was out of order. Which assuming you can step across and not worrying who you push into/trip over etc is. ....both typical events in every town all over the country.

So women can be rude and abusive but men have to be polite at all times? How is that being asked to be treated equally?

Where on earth did you read that in my response? That's a complete misreading. Nobody should be telling a stranger to fuck off: it's verbally aggressive. Nobody should be groping anyone else's ass.

When that kind of microaggression occurs, though, other factors in the power dynamic such as gender, race, disability etc. are also at play. It's different if you tell someone to fuck off who's in a wheelchair, for example.

You haven't understood the argument at all.

OH feels quire intimidated by aggressive swearing women. He's not the sort to swear or throw his weight about especially with women so this would bother him. Had it been a man he may well have responded but with a woman harassing him he'd be like a rabbit in headlights.

So as I said it shouldn't be about who said it .....if it has become a common place expression used by a large proportion of the population....which it is ...it's no longer aggressive without accompanying actions otherwise if you decide it's aggressive only because a male has said it your not being just.....at one time for blimey or oh god we're extremely offensive now they are not too the majority of the population.

Right, because he's been conditioned to behave in a certain way. It's not just about feelings, though. It's about the fact that, were the interaction to escalate, he would be less vulnerable than, on average, a woman receiving verbal aggressions from a man.

I’m of the view that, within reason, the pavement is a safe space where pedestrians can stop, slow down, change direction and generally faff about if they want without being sworn at. That’s because it’s a pavement not a road, and manoeuvres are safe unless people are running. I don’t buy this scenario that someone swerving in front of you on a pavement could be dangerous, it’s a dramatic overreaction. Slow down if you’re worried about it.

Often on ‘what annoys you’ type threads, someone says people who stop suddenly on the pavement. I disagree, sometimes we need to stop or change direction (ever been pushing a pram which swerves if you don’t have both hands on it, then you need to use one of your hands?) We need to be more tolerant of it. People behind should be observant about what’s going on ahead and not assume everyone will carry on in nice neat lanes at a uniform pace.

I'm of the opinion that it's f...ing annoying to be tripped up, hit by pushchairs, have my kids trampled on etc by people meandering around and stopping to chat especially when we're hurrying to get a bus and I'm now sorting a kids grazed knee out....I'm not aggressive or male but it's annoying and I do feel like swearing at them and if it's the third time I probably would. You obviously don't walk through busy London streets

Inner SE London actually. We all need to keep an eye out. The scenario I’ve painted of what’s acceptable and to be expected of the person in front would not involve hitting with pushchairs or any trampling. I said ‘within reason’. And I said unless someone is running. If you’re running/hurrying you’re creating an extra level of danger.

If you find you're easily angered when out in the city, may I suggest leaving more time for your journey so you're not hurrying and stressed. Millions of city dwellers all over the world manage to get by without swearing at anyone

honestly, unclench!

In that situation, the person who used an expletive did not care one bit about "manners", the OP pissed them off, and they told the OP to get out of the fucking way. Which is what a loft of pissed people, men or women, would do.

Preparing sarcastic replies to use after you piss off people is just on another level 😂

😂

You have never been in a city have you? How on earth do you suggest people who work and commute realistically "leave more time for their journey"?

Why not expecting everyone to behave in a civilised and considerate manner instead, and not trip you, hit you with a pushchair and simply stay out of the fucking way 😂

How would some posters cope with walking about in the many London underground stations? London people walk with purpose and do not dawdle. His response was arsey. Nevertheless, don't assume your pace should be everyone else's.

the thing is, if you stick to the right hand side, and don't stop at the top or bottom of stairs, you can even be as slow as you want, no-one will care. If you decide to get in the way, it's at your own risks!

We've all had similar experiences, just put him out of your head. He probably leads a very miserable life.

When someone reacts like this - it’s them NOT you. If I could give my kids one gift, it would be to understand this…

It could be anything from a bad day, to MH, to an aggro person, to them having bad news, bad health etc and on an on.
Clearly an over reaction, clearly not because of you.
Just pop it in the ‘no fucks to give’ box and move on.

Exactly....and today I'm adding bloody umbrellas if I get poked in the eye, ear or head one more time the things are going under a bus.

How was it okay for the op to rudely cut in why doesn't she have to have manners?