Is it fair to have a go at a friend who cancels plans?

[Honeysucklelane]

Had to cancel plans with friends yesterday, due to work. It’s the third time I’ve not been able to go, for a genuine reason each time. I’ve got two jobs, kids and sometimes I get ill.

It was nothing expensive or special, just a walk. The others still went. I felt really bad I couldn’t go. Despite apologising and wishing them a great time, one of them sent a really off message about it.

For once I stood up for myself and said that they should be kinder if a friend can’t make something. We’ve now totally fallen out.

I’m wondering if I should have just bit my lip and ignored their snarky remarks?

Yes, which is totally fine. Friends don’t give friends a hard time when they can’t make something because of illness, children or work.

One of them yes. The other has previous form for being weirdly off with me over stuff, and massively slagging off people then gushing all over them which doesn’t sit well with me.

No she hasn’t, but we have less to do with each other / more casual friends and only see each other or message within this group.

this really doesn’t sound like a friendship group that you or them will be bending over backwards to facilitator meeting up again

so of this group
1 you have very limited contact with
1 you don’t really like and have butted heads before and not bothered if you never see again
1 has expressed displeasure in the past with you when cancelled because sick and didn’t stick up for you etc

Whats strange is that you ever agreed to meet up as a group in the first place!

I’ve got a few casual / non local friends or groups that I rarely see or message inbetween, but have a lovely time with when we do meet.

I did really like them, but have come to realise recently they’re disingenuous. I’ve had a few issues with them which I’ve let go, but their attitude last week has been the final straw. Especially as they cancelled once for work on the day once and no one had a go at them - and no, they don’t do anything that’s any more critical than what I do.

Yes she was off with me when I was sick and that really upset me, but I let it go and we’ve met since and it’s all been fine. Tbh the other person made that situation worse by separately messaging and sticking up for her and being really patronising.

I don’t know why these occasions are such a massive thing to them. It’s as if they’re annoyed on behalf of the 4th person who is not at all annoyed about it.

Highly unlikely. Although I would still meet up with 2 of them.

just read the thread
why even meeting up with these two given one also had a go at you in the past and the other one has never stuck up for you and you only have very limited contact with?

This isn’t a group of “friends” that fit with my definition and experience of friends Op.