Is it fair to have a go at a friend who cancels plans?

[Honeysucklelane]

Had to cancel plans with friends yesterday, due to work. It’s the third time I’ve not been able to go, for a genuine reason each time. I’ve got two jobs, kids and sometimes I get ill.

It was nothing expensive or special, just a walk. The others still went. I felt really bad I couldn’t go. Despite apologising and wishing them a great time, one of them sent a really off message about it.

For once I stood up for myself and said that they should be kinder if a friend can’t make something. We’ve now totally fallen out.

I’m wondering if I should have just bit my lip and ignored their snarky remarks?

That laughing particular emoji is the absolute most annoying one on the planet.

I don't know what the OP has triggered for you but you seem overly invested in this.

Okay! This makes sense. Have fun then I guess 😁

Yeah that happens. It doesn't always feel great but what can you do?

It was 2 out of numerous times.

Little messed up to go following someone around and posting their posts from other threads. Obsessed with me then, got it.

Try actually reading the threads. It can help pass hours and even make your posts more relevant and interesting. If you care.

I think you should keep seeing them. Life's too short for this really. Why not call the woman and chat it out? Could be a misunderstanding. Could be that she's a fairweather friend (there's plenty about). Doesn't matter if you think she's unreasonable in your head. What was it Michelle Obama said? When they go low, we go higher? I know I sound like a sanctimonious prick but I'm trying this approach.

She did t cancel that one. She said, from the start, she couldn't make it as had a prior arrangement. Parents are allowed to enjoy a day off with their children in the holidays, even if the children are older.

Please don't say, 'I'll let you know closer to the time'. It's either yes or no- it's so annoying when people are non-committal like that as you can't make any other plans.

Yes!

Oh FFS! She really can’t win. She alreadty said no and got berated for that and then when she said she’ll have to see she gets berated for that too.

People have lives/jobs that mean they don’t know what shift they”ll be on many weeeks in advance. My sister is a nurse and has to wait for her shifts before she can commit to something.

You don’t seem to have any respect for our time, as you’ve clearly not read the thread.

🙄🤣

It is a causal group activity. It has gone ahead with out OP.

That’s the whole point, isn’t it?

Oh bless. There's always one who takes it all so serious.

I said:
’If a friend can’t make something because they’re ill, had to work, etc it’s much kinder to say, “oh that’s shame, we’ll miss you, hope you feel better etc” than to make them feel even worse about having to cancel.

Fair enough. But if I’d just said no from the outset, they’d have probably complained about that too.

I understand this, but there’s only so many times I can put up with people having a go at me when I couldn’t help not being able to come. Also there’s been other stuff and times they’ve changed plans on the day and I’ve just accepted it.

That seems reasonable. Was it in a group chat? I don’t see why that means there is no turning back. I thought you’d said “fuck off julia” to the woman complaining.

I don’t want to repeat it word for word here, but I explained myself and apologised, and got a really snarky comment and lengthy messaged about how it had been planned for ages. So I said what would you want me to do? Turn down work (money) ?