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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
combinationpadlock · 04/07/2024 17:51

he goes straight back where he came from. You've only been with him a year? Too fast to move in together when you have children, anyway.

Mrsttcno1 · 04/07/2024 17:51

I’d give him a minute OP, if his lads holiday was anything like my girls holidays I was always good for absolutely nothing for a week afterwards recovering and catching up on sleep

Farmwifefarmlife · 04/07/2024 17:51

Surly this isn’t his normal behaviour? Does he not have a job? It’s now Thursday and he hasn’t been out of bed all week!?

Its2024happynewyear · 04/07/2024 17:51

Send him back to his parents. Get him out whilst you still can. You know you deserve better than this.

Procrastinates · 04/07/2024 17:52

Why the fuck would you move him in if he's never even been to your house or lived alone before? That sounds like a truly batshit idea.

Hopefully he didn't contribute anything to the house and he's not on any paperwork if so yes for the love of god kick him out, he sounds useless.

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 17:53

Christ, where's the fire?

You and this unemployed man have only been together a year, and you're moving him into your kid's home?

Just why?

DamnUserName21 · 04/07/2024 17:54

Fuck that!!
Red flags galore.
You've already got children, do you really want another (him!)
Get rid!

Mamette · 04/07/2024 17:54

Jesus Christ get him out now.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 04/07/2024 17:55

Sounds like a sign of things to come.
I'd send him back to his mum's before he gets too comfy.
Why is he not working, is it because he's got a sore throat or doesn't he have a job?
If it's the latter you may be on your way to acquiring a cocklodger.
I couldn't be doing with that.

FourLeggedBuckers · 04/07/2024 17:56

Four days in bed?! Grim.

If he was genuinely ill that would be one thing, but just malingering over a sore throat? Christ no.

You, your kids and the dog deserve better.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 04/07/2024 17:56

Sounds like he thinks you are his new mum, I assume if he has been in bed all these days he hasn't washed up, cooked dinner, done any washing etc? I would send him back to his parents until he learns how to contribute to a household. TBH I would have him stay a few days a week first anyway to get the kids used to it and make sure he does start pulling his weight.

Mamette · 04/07/2024 17:56

(I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed

Just re-read and noticed this bit. Are you not worried that you’re being taken for a mug here?

sesquipedalian · 04/07/2024 17:57

Why are you making meals and letting him eat them in bed? You’re hardly encouraging him to come downstairs and have tea with you if you ‘re taking his food up to the bedroom.

Changingplace · 04/07/2024 17:58

Ugh how unattractive, send him back to his parents.

Julyshouldbesunny · 04/07/2024 17:58

Congratulations on your new teenage ds...

GrazingSheep · 04/07/2024 17:59

Your poor kids.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/07/2024 17:59

combinationpadlock · 04/07/2024 17:51

he goes straight back where he came from. You've only been with him a year? Too fast to move in together when you have children, anyway.

Gawd, THIS.

Primefungus · 04/07/2024 18:00

Why are you cooking his meals? He's an adult isn't it? He doesn't get up, he doesn't get fed. He wants food, he gets up and gets it himself.What exactly does this unemploymed loser add to your life? Or your children's?
Back to mummy for this one

Scorchio84 · 04/07/2024 18:00

Oh god no get rid of this man child, what must your children think?

cheddercherry · 04/07/2024 18:01

What on earth do your kids think of him just in bed all day?!

TargetPractice11 · 04/07/2024 18:02

My goodness.

Kick him out immediately.

Why are you bringing him meals?!

What a poor example for your children.

He should never have moved in. Continue to date him if he's fun but don't move him in again for a long time and without a lot of communication and understanding about how that would go.

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:03

What did I just read?!
The only reason to move an unrelated male in to your kids home is if it's in their best interests. Is that the case here?

You haven't been dating for long, he's an unemployed slob and you're skivvying after him. Why?

Starseeking · 04/07/2024 18:03

Oh my goodness, I would send him back so fast his feet wouldn't touch the ground Confused

You've already got x number of DC, don't take this man on as another one!

Blanca87 · 04/07/2024 18:04

No, just no. Stop doing everything for him. Fucking hell woman give your head a wobble and think of your kids.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2024 18:05

Kick him out immediately. Just no. This doesn’t happen.

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