To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

[YourRubyBee]

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

Looks like he wants you to be his second mum 🤷🏼‍♀️ at 26 he should be self sufficient. So I would be leaving him to it.

The biggest issue here is that you’re at completely different life stages. You’re a 34 year old mum of teens, he’s a 26 year old who lives with his parents and doesn’t work.

By all means have a bit of fun with him but keep him away from your home because this is unlikely to go the distance.

And yes not having to work is great if it’s due to building up his own savings but he’s frittering away an inheritance that should be a massive help with future plans. Hes not thinking ahead and that shows his immaturity and not being ready to settle down with a blended family.

Im sorry but you are not in control of what he does snd Im afraid you are not going to be able to control what happens next. Unless hes making some invisible huge contribution ,we cant see then youre going to 'snap' at some point as this behaviour is of a immature adolescent.

Just a side note: I was in a similar almost exact situation a few years ago and it blew up. Rumerating about it years forward , I m thinking : THE GIVING OF A FRONT DOOR KEY is A HUGE SYMBOL.. and I could have remembered that when inviting lazy sods into my living space.

Have you talked about what you both expect from each other once living together?
If you keep cooking meals and delivering them upstairs, he won’t be inclined to start looking after himself. He’s not a mind reader and I find most men will do the bare minimum they can get away with. I would use this opportunity to have a chat about what you will and won’t put up with if you haven’t already.

You don't need to test which strain of cold you have now.

Back to pre-covid - if you feel ill then stay home if not carry on.

Hello my lovely people, been a while since my last post so here goes. SD raised my 2 fantastic spawn for 15 years, one now UNI and one in College, PMF . Lets unpick this one. You have never invited him back to yours, not even when the kids are not there, think you need to sort that one out first, way before moving in. Look at what you were scared/concerned about? that's key here. Most people in this type of relationship do a gentle talk to the kids/explain the relationship maybe after 6-9 month being cautious , and if your both on the same page, soft introductions, a walk , ice creams/pizza, a casual outing, then guage both the kids and the slugs reaction. Its going to be a bit harsh if he walks in and spends a few days in bed after a "lads weekend". Not working and can go on a big lash, that's red flag 19. NOW, you're still amazing, kick the lazy Fu£*er out to momies welcoming bosom. love your kids and know you are worth so much fecking more. PS got in from a 4 day lads rugby bender in Dubai at 11pm Brutal, Kids up at 7am and dropped at school, then the day carried on! Love X

She's old enough to have school-aged children, therefore old enough to know she deserves better.

OP has said: I'm 34 and he is 26.

Her daughters are 15 and 16.

What could possibly go wrong? It's fine until it isn't.

He sounds dreamy 🙃

Wow thank goodness you're here to explain that after 380 posts!

@singledadthealmostlegend I think you posted all that on the wrong thread.

Or, you didn't even bother to read what this thread is about.

@YourRubyBee so you are kicking him out basednon him having been ill. You are now ill and haven't given him the chance to actually life and see how it goes when he is healthy? I'm baffled at what's going on but I think perhaps the relationship is damaged now ether way.

Sorry but why is this so funny to me 😂😂

Why do I, all of a sudden, feel like Alice at the tea party, and the tea was straight Glenlivet?

Thank goodness for that! Some people never grow up.