To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

[YourRubyBee]

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

Why are some women so quick to move a man into their home?
Do your due diligence ffs

She said he was paying his share from an inheritance

Have a relationship without living together.

@Liripipe - on 04/07, the OP said this:

”He is independently wealthy. He isn't working at the moment because he is using inheritance to support himself. The house he lived in with his parents is not small by any means, it is in the North West and is currently on the market at just over 1.2 million - not that any of this matters, but emphasises that he wasn't 'forced' to stay upstairs due to the house being too small.”

Sounds like he’s treating himself as a guest in your house rather than sharing responsibilities ..
No judgement, love does strange things to us…
I’d tell him you’ve made a mistake moving him in and would rather go back to more casual for now and ask him to go back to his parents, say he can stay a few nights a week and while there he buys food…. And then go from there….
maybe suggest he works and invests his inheritance and see what his response is…
Then you can have space to think about whether you have a bf gf relationship with him or whether you’re being motherly to him and having to walk him through daily life!
I wouldn’t just cut him off, I’d take a step back and go slower.

Hi all, sorry I haven't replied, I am very ill. Temperature, can't swallow, everywhere hurts - eyes, skin, throat, neck etc. I did speak to him that evening yes, he is going back to his parents but will stay here a few nights a week for the time being and we will go from there. He has been great the last few days, has done everything that needed doing around the house, has been cooking for us, food shopping whilst I've been poorly and this evening he followed a recipe to make my favourite cheesecake from scratch to try and cheer me up which I thought was lovely. He apologised and said he felt ill the last few days of the holiday but the last day was awful and by the time he was home he was so unwell and fatigued he just slept for days.

He does contribute more than his fair share financially and has made a choice not to work at the moment due to not needing to. He has worked everyday since leaving school (joinery apprenticeship and then straight into employment/self employment) and has decided to take some time off - I personally see no problem with this providing he has plans for the future, which he does. I am also self employed in quite a niche market and the goal has always been financial freedom rather than materialistic wealth; to not have to work through choice is a positive to me.

Yes, I believe he moved in too quickly and recognised that through reading all the comments. I spoke to both of my daughters about the situation privately and they are both happy and comfortable with him around. He has never given any indication that he has any untoward motive to being with me and I am certain that is not the case.

Thank you to everyone who took time to respond, I appreciate the advice and the eye opening to what I could have done differently.

You are 26 and your kids are 14/15?

Nope he is 26 and she is 34.

Nope she is 34. Feel better soon op

She is 34, he is 26, the girls are 15/16.

Feel better soon @YourRubyBee
It's good to see you have a sensible solution.
Some of the replies by mumsnetters have been unhinged

I think of partners this way now (as I have health issues). Would your partner not only want to spend time alone with kids whilst you were ill, but would they also pick up the slack and help run the household to make sure it didn't implode? If the answer is no, then either it's too early in the relationship to judge and more time where he just stays over some nights is the way forward, or you don't think he ever would and in which case kick him to there curb! Sorry OP,.

I'm sorry you're poorly OP, have you taken a covid test?

But a healthy 26yo who's just been on holiday needing to "take some time off", coincidentally just as he moves into his partner's home? Can you see why this is a massive red flag?

He’s stepped up now. It’s possible You’ve got what he had but it’s presenting differently (covid?) See how it goes and watch out for the red flags.

Sounds like he was genuinely ill op, and now you've caught whatever he had. If he was genuinely ill I think the first three days can be forgotten and see how it all goes from now on

My guess would be you've both had COVID maybe

That sound a lot more positive @YourRubyBee (apart from you being ill that is!), and I'm glad he's stepped up. It may well be that he had covid as it varies from person to person in how it presents. I had it recently and I didn't have the fever, no sore throat, just a cough and crushing fatigue. I was so lethargic I laid on the sofa for 2 days as it was too hard work sitting up, and I actually went to bed for a nap too (and I never do those things!).

While it's nice that he's stepped up because you are ill, you are light years ahead of him in terms of bringing up DC and running a household and quite frankly being an adult; he sounds quite immature and like he's got some growing up to do. Hopefully he'll do that when he goes back to his parents!

Yep, we're full of covid. Thanks for all the advice and well wishes everyone x

I'm still laughing at "He has worked everyday since leaving school". He's 26 not 56 😂

This!

Crazy idea.

Sorry you're full of Covid @YourRubyBee what a nightmare! It sounds like you have a plan now so good luck moving forward, get well soon

to not have to work through choice is a positive to me. He's only not working because he's got an inheritance.

I can't help being cynical and thinking he's only stepped up the last few days because he doesn't want to lose the gravy train. I hope I'm wrong.

Hope you feel better soon Op.

From recent revelations that you now have covid, I think it can be assumed that he had caught it and passed it to you. After almost every holiday I have had since covid, I have caught it.

If you are feeling poorly, theres every chance he felt just as poorly as you, and that might explain the behaviour.

You need to have honest discussions about what is expected re. household etc before moving someone in though.

Can’t imagine dating someone only 10 years older than my kids.