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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 18:30

LittleGreenDragons · 04/07/2024 18:24

This has got to be a joke. He doesn't even have a job? How is he going to pay his share if rent and bills?

Kick him out. Get rid. Don't take on this cocklodger.

I'd like to think it's a joke but some women are so utterly desperate for a man in the home, they take leave of their own senses.

Dare to mention on MN that the women are also partly to blame for pandering to this shit, and ignoring the fact it's their DC's home too, and out come the angry posters saying that women are NEVER to blame.

Well no, if I moved an unemployed lazy bastard into mine and my kid's home, and brought him food while he laid in bloody bed the whole time, that would also be on ME.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/07/2024 18:30

It's the kids I feel sorry for...again. When will women learn

PoopingAllTheWay · 04/07/2024 18:31

You have known him a year and you have already moved him in to your house? With your children

How many times has he met your children?

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:31

He does know the kids, they have met him alot and we have been out for meals, days out etc. They have stayed at his parents house with us also. He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

He is definitely a joiner, he has worked whilst we've been together but not recently. The more I write the more I'm seeing sense but tbh his priorities seem to be the gym, sunbeds, pub with his friends and sleeping most days recently.

Ffs, how stupid have I been.

OP posts:
DaughterNo2 · 04/07/2024 18:32

AmandaHoldensLips · 04/07/2024 18:13

KLAXON:

MAN BABY ALERT!!!
MAN BABY ALERT!!!

Nope Cocklodger

MonsteraMama · 04/07/2024 18:32

Good grief, I usually think Mumsnet is a bit too hard on the blokes but in this case absolutely not. Turf him out immediately before he grows roots, he needs to live alone before he can live with another human!

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 18:33

He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

Stop with the excuses, or do you think all people brought up in 'well off' households are lazy fuckers?

IncompleteSenten · 04/07/2024 18:33

He's unemployed? How's he going to pay his fair share of the bills?

Boot him back out. Four days in bed for nothing is taking the piss.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 04/07/2024 18:34

Whilst you were unpacking did you find your bar ? as you do need to lift it ! off the floor !!!

SamW98 · 04/07/2024 18:36

Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/07/2024 18:30

It's the kids I feel sorry for...again. When will women learn

Absolutely. I shake my head in disbelief at some of the stuff I read on here that women tolerate and put their kids through for the sake of dick.

Mummy2024 · 04/07/2024 18:36

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

Tell him it's not working out for you and you would like him go go back to his parents, at least until he can contribute financially and help around the house.

Choochoo21 · 04/07/2024 18:37

YABU

Firstly, because he’s obviously unwell and most people wouldn’t choose to spend 3 days in bed.

Secondly, for only being with him for a year and letting him meet your kids and move in with you all.

Thirdly, for not letting him stay over and then moving in together.

Why would you not just have him stay over say EOW and then if things worked well with your kids, then increased the amount of time he spent there and then eventually moved him in.

Moving in a boyfriend into your kids home, without him ever staying over and taking it slowly with coming into your kids safe space, is pretty shit parenting.

I definitely think you need to ask him to move back out and stop putting a man before your poor kids.

Rondel · 04/07/2024 18:38

How was he planning to pay his share of the bills?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 18:39

Rondel · 04/07/2024 18:38

How was he planning to pay his share of the bills?

I'd like to know this too.

Choochoo21 · 04/07/2024 18:39

What was your reason for asking him to move in?

Why did you stay at his parents home with the kids and not just at your own home?

JurassicClark · 04/07/2024 18:39

Tatty-bye, cocklodger!

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/07/2024 18:39

What on earth, no he either joins the household as a fully contributing adult, financially, housework, emotional support or he fucks off. He isn’t even giving you a honeymoon period here - how does he think a home runs? On fresh air and auto-clean.

Send him back where he came from and only consider having him stay when he’s shown commitment to holding down a job, contributing to the household and showing you the consideration and respect you deserve.

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:39

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:31

He does know the kids, they have met him alot and we have been out for meals, days out etc. They have stayed at his parents house with us also. He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

He is definitely a joiner, he has worked whilst we've been together but not recently. The more I write the more I'm seeing sense but tbh his priorities seem to be the gym, sunbeds, pub with his friends and sleeping most days recently.

Ffs, how stupid have I been.

Edited

How embarrassing. You've chosen to have kids, so your standards need to be exceptionally high. They're non existent now. Put your kids first.

GiggleMugsMandy · 04/07/2024 18:40

Kids aside, I couldn’t stand for someone to eat a meal in bed, he’d have been out the door the first time he tried it!

mybeesarealive · 04/07/2024 18:41

Sounds like a cocklodger as no doubt many have said before. Send him home to his mum for some TLC. Once he's there, tell him not to come back. Find someone who wants more than a free maid with benefits.

Sunnydiary · 04/07/2024 18:41

Why isn’t he working?

Actually, scrub that, who cares.

Tell him to fuck off.

Getonwitit · 04/07/2024 18:42

You dragged your children from their home to your new boyfriends parents house so you could have sex ! FFS. Put your children first.

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:43

A house move is a big change for everyone especially kids. Why have you invited a guy you’ve only been with for a year to live with you?

Where were your kids when you stayed with his parents 3 days a week?

CestLaVie123 · 04/07/2024 18:43

Jesus fucking Christ OP - wake up!!! I'm glad you posted on MN and i hope that this is the wake up call that you need - get rid of this utter loser! Work on your self-esteem, raise your bar, stay single if no worthy men present themselves!

Overther · 04/07/2024 18:43

I'd stop making his meals for him for a start! He sounds like a lazy arse, I'd tell him he either pulls his finger out or he can go back to his parents