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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To kick him out 3 days after he moved in!?

391 replies

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 17:49

Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for about a year, he had never been to my house (my choice) and instead I stayed at his parents house with him 3 nights a week and we went out etc. I moved house last week and he was meant to be moving in with me. Unfortunately the house move fell during the week he was away on a lads holiday that was booked months ago.

He came back from his holiday Monday night and came straight to the new house. He has effectively been in bed since. He has gotten up a few times, once to shower and once to make a sandwich, other than that he has been in bed (mostly asleep). At one point he bought an airbed downstairs and slept on it on the living room floor because there are no blinds in the bedroom yet and the sun was in his eyes and the 'couch is uncomfy' (this was during school hours and he went back upstairs to bed when my kids were due home).

I have done the house move, organising everything, cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, school runs etc alone. I am looking after the kids (mine from a previous relationship) and the dog. He put a lampshade the night he got here and has done precisely nothing since. He says he has a sore throat but it feels like an excuse. To be fair to him he was saying he had a sore throat whilst on holiday but still managed to go out drinking every night. He is a qualified tradesman but he isnt working right now.

I have asked him to get up and come downstairs, walk the dog with me, have tea together etc (I am currently making him meals and he is eating them in bed).

What would you do? Is this a sign of things to come? He did spend alot of time in bed whilst we stayed at his parents house but I assumed it was because we spent our time together up there watching films etc because his parents were downstairs.

Any advice please

OP posts:
Scorchio84 · 04/07/2024 18:54

viques · 04/07/2024 18:27

A qualified tradesman who isn’t working? Trades are like gold dust atm, he must be

lazy
crap at his job
a liar

pick any one,or two, or go for the hat trick

Literally this! My OH is a plumber & he could literally work 7 days if he so chose, he is rushed off his feet & even does the odd evening job, it's a crock of shit that your man child "cannot find work"

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:55

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:54

I thought that could be a possibility but I saw in one of Op’s updates and by another posters reply she had them stay at his parents house!!!

They stayed at his parents house once after a bbq, they are with their dad three nights a week.

OP posts:
ExtraOnions · 04/07/2024 18:55

…he could be genuinely ill, he could be a lazy arse

What are the legal and financial arrangements with the house ? How easy is it to extricate yourself ?

VaddaABeetch · 04/07/2024 18:55

You’re taking the food out of your children’s mouths if you let him stay.

I bet his parents are breathing a sigh of relief that he’s gone.

Why on earth would you let an unemployed drunk move in with you?

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:55

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:54

They are with their dad 3 days a week

No offence but if you have teenage children you must be old enough to know that letting a boyfriend of 1 year who isn’t working into your new home is pretty stupid

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2024 18:55

ActualChips · 04/07/2024 18:46

She made them go along to the boyfriends parents house for a sleepover. The mind boggles.

She didn’t say they went everytime. Just that they have been

Luxell934 · 04/07/2024 18:56

Why had he never stayed in your house before though? You say it was your choice, but why? I could understand if you didn't want him to be around your kids, but then you say your kids stayed over his parents house. So it seems like an odd decision to then move him into your new house?
Is he paying his way?

Iaskedyouthrice · 04/07/2024 18:57

What was your reason for asking him to move in?

Desperation. Unemployed, lazy cocklodger? It is only ever desperation. He's going nowhere either.

Notamum12345577 · 04/07/2024 18:57

Lifechanging12 · 04/07/2024 18:54

I thought that could be a possibility but I saw in one of Op’s updates and by another posters reply she had them stay at his parents house!!!

She said they had stayed, not that they stayed all the time or on a regular basis

Choochoo21 · 04/07/2024 18:57

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:53

What!? Who said this!? We went there for a bbq with all his family, they were having a great time and asked if we could stay over. My children are teenagers and were enjoying themselves.

So they’ve only stayed at his/his parents once?

And he’s never stayed at yours?

Yet you thought it was a good idea to move this man into your kids home instead of just having him stay over every now and then?

Whats worse you moved him in knowing he was unemployed, which would mean you would have to subsidise him and pay for his food and utility bills, meaning less money for your kids.

Bloody hell.

Aprilrosesews · 04/07/2024 18:58

How his he contributing to bills or paying for the pub or going on holiday if he’s not working? Did you talk about that before he moved in?

Whatwouldscullydo · 04/07/2024 19:00

Bloody hell...

Yeah get rid. Although something tells me u might have some trouble here. I doubt he will go quietly. Change the locks when he eventually goes out.

And stop taking him food. It's supposed to be his home now too so where's yoir breakfast in bed.

Bet his parents are thrilled to get rid. He's yoir problem now.

Don't hesitate in getting him to leave amd don't fall for any tears or tantrums and empty promises

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/07/2024 19:05

Cannot believe there are children involved in this shit show horror fest.

OhcantthInkofaname · 04/07/2024 19:08

Send him in his air bed back to mom's house.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 04/07/2024 19:08

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/07/2024 19:05

Cannot believe there are children involved in this shit show horror fest.

Teenagers not toddlers, but still!

Nanny0gg · 04/07/2024 19:10

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:31

He does know the kids, they have met him alot and we have been out for meals, days out etc. They have stayed at his parents house with us also. He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

He is definitely a joiner, he has worked whilst we've been together but not recently. The more I write the more I'm seeing sense but tbh his priorities seem to be the gym, sunbeds, pub with his friends and sleeping most days recently.

Ffs, how stupid have I been.

Edited

Very if your children have seen him a lot and stayed over at his parents when you've only been together a year

Are you usually impulsive?

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 19:12

OP why are you avoiding answering those asking how he intends to pay his share of rent/food/bills?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/07/2024 19:14

combinationpadlock · 04/07/2024 17:51

he goes straight back where he came from. You've only been with him a year? Too fast to move in together when you have children, anyway.

The first post hits the nail on the head. Get rid of him, @YourRubyBee.

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 19:16

TwattyMcFuckFace · 04/07/2024 19:12

OP why are you avoiding answering those asking how he intends to pay his share of rent/food/bills?

He has inheritance which is currently using to support himself/pay his half of things here

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 04/07/2024 19:16

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 18:31

He does know the kids, they have met him alot and we have been out for meals, days out etc. They have stayed at his parents house with us also. He grew up in a very well off household and I'm starting to get the impression nothing was ever expected of him at home.

He is definitely a joiner, he has worked whilst we've been together but not recently. The more I write the more I'm seeing sense but tbh his priorities seem to be the gym, sunbeds, pub with his friends and sleeping most days recently.

Ffs, how stupid have I been.

Edited

Is he much younger than you OP? You’ve said your kids are teens but he sounds like one…..If not, why was he still living at home?

sandyhappypeople · 04/07/2024 19:17

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 19:16

He has inheritance which is currently using to support himself/pay his half of things here

Why did he not come and stay with you before OP? It seems odd, because surely that would have highlighted some of these issues before you agreed to move in together?

VJBR · 04/07/2024 19:18

It sounds like you have moved on with a teenager. Put your kids first and get rid of this waste of space.

TheFormidableMrsC · 04/07/2024 19:19

You moved a man you've known for a year in with your kids? Are you deranged? Get rid.

justasking111 · 04/07/2024 19:19

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 19:16

He has inheritance which is currently using to support himself/pay his half of things here

Peter Pan syndrome. You don't need another child

YourRubyBee · 04/07/2024 19:19

Conniebygaslight · 04/07/2024 19:16

Is he much younger than you OP? You’ve said your kids are teens but he sounds like one…..If not, why was he still living at home?

Yes he is, I'm 34 and he is 26. I am very quickly seeing how stupidly I have acted here.

OP posts: