AIBU - ex husband immigrating and abandoning our son

[howsweet]

Im ready for a mixed bag of opinions here

me and exh have been separated for 7 years - we have an 8 year old ds

Exh has told me that he plans to immigrate to Australia with his fiancé and their two children.

On Sunday when ds came back from his dads upset and he told me their house now has a for sale sign outside so I text me exh to ask outright what’s going on and he told me they’re immigrating. First I’ve heard of it! He said he has to think of his ‘new family’ (his exact words) and giving his two younger children a better life!!
AIBU to be fuming ? Especially as my son is distraught ? I mean they haven’t even invited him to go with them (not that I’d let him go) but that’s not the point to me! My son sees his dad for a full weekend every other weekend and always has done, and goes for tea every Wednesday night. I’m just devestated for my son.

I asked where they’re up to in the application process and my exh wasn’t for giving me any info at all, he just said they are getting married then going… house is already up for sale, my ds can’t even be included as they are going on his fiancées visa - she is a teacher and so my exh and their two kids will go dependent on her visa , apparently my son can’t as she isn’t his mother, is this true or a cop out? He also said he isn’t sure if he can send me maintenance anymore as he will be staying out of work for a while to gets the kids sorted and she will be going straight into a teaching job! Can I stop them going? Where do I stand legally? I’m not arsed he’s got a new family or they will have a new life in Australia all I care about is my poor son not seeing his dad anymore and my ex thinking he can fuck off to the other side of the world, abandon our son and not bleeping pay for him!!

never could I move to the other side of the world without my son! I’m worried about the emotional damage this is going to cause

AIBU??? Please be honest!

Actually, post in legal. If the house is jointly owned, could you have a claim for maintenance to be paid upfront?

I don't know, but there is something at the back of my mind...
If so, don't waste time.

Yes this. You should seek legal advice OP. The UK has a reciprocal agreement regarding maintenance with Australia which can be enforced. Worth looking into just to give him the shits if nothing else.

As for posters saying his new wife should be more caring about the step son. Bollocks, the only thing second wives care about is their own children and cosy little family unit. She's not going to give two figs about him. In fact, sorry to say but she'll be glad to shake him off permanently.

In honesty I would be fairly mercenary and ask for money from their house sale in lieu of future maintenance, he may refuse, probably but worth a try.

Heartbreaking for your son now, but in future he'll see it as a good thing that the trash took itself out.

op, don't waste time - get the legal advice. You may not stop him moving, but you may get maintenance sorted.

This. It’s horrible of your ex, but I’d forget the rest and just concentrate on your child.

Some of this is dreadful advice? Why punish the son by harming his other paternal relationships just because his father is a shit. Really great for his remaining self esteem to sever his link with a huge part of his identity.

Australia is a REMO country so he will have to pay eventually.
www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-if-one-parent-lives-abroad/other-partner-lives-abroad

Contact these guys who will liaise with Australian CMS for you (in the link above), but do it the moment he lands on Australian soil, as they have about an eight month backlog. He will be working eventually.

Wow what a piece. I’m sorry for you and your son, who is also losing his siblings

mitogoshi · Today 17:11
In honesty I would be fairly mercenary and ask for money from their house sale in lieu of future maintenance, he may refuse, probably but worth a try.

So he gets to bugger off and leave his son with no maintenance? Mercenary to try to secure her son'r maintenance - words fail me.
She does not ask him, she asks the court. Obviously he will refuse.

who the fuck has voted YABU on this thread?!

You need advice OP on the child maintenance from a solicitor who deals with international cases. I'd also ask him if he pay for some therapy sessions for your son to help him process the trauma of losing his father and half siblings. It's about the least he can do.

You won't want to badmouth your ex to your son, but I'd be sure to use the term 'bad choices' to your son, so he knows he's done absolutely nothing wrong himself. We are always drumming responsibility and right and wrong into our kids' minds, so I believe it's important for them to know honestly what bad decisions from an adult look like.

Horrible for your little boy. Skipping off across the globe without a care for his responsibilities and the long-term emotional damage this will cause his son.

Shameful fucking behaviour.

Op I know I don't know you or your son but just imagining how a child would feel I'm actually upset on your child's behalf too. Doesn't want to send maintenance, and doesn't sound bothered about leaving if he did he would have done the right thing and come and spoken to you at the very least. If it were me I'd say OK and good bye and ds is busy every Wednesday now. I'm sorry I just wouldn't send my son to a man who is this heartless to his own child.

A second wife?? 😬

A court, or rather a solicitor. will just refer her to CMS, who will tell her that if he’s unemployed he isn’t liable to pay maintenance. It doesn’t sound like he’s got an outstanding debt to pay, so it isn’t like she can pursue him for that either.

I agree about trying to get maintenance paid upfront. I wouldn't even consider letting my son go there with him (as that may well be something your ex tries once he realises he has to pay child support). His father's shown how little he cares for him. Your poor son. What a bastard father he's got.

Think you're going to have to bright side this for your son.

Talk about how wonderful technology is now so he can have regular zooms with his dad every week. He can fly over for holidays every summer and have every other Christmas where it will be hot and sunny and they'll be swimming at the beach and having a bbq for Christmas dinner!

Get his dad to commit to this enthusiasm too. Make sure he knows that he's paying the airfare too.

I wouldn’t tbh, lest it doesn’t happen and her son is further disappointed. OP can’t make him commit to anything like that.

Sounds like the boy is better off without him.

Just a bit of googling has found a wonderful four letter anacronym REMO!
Reciprocal Enforcement Maintenance Order. The really good news is Australia is on the list.
A snip.
"If the other parent lives in a REMO country
How to apply
If the other parent lives in a REMO country, contact the Maintenance Enforcement Business Centre (MEBC) by email or post.
The MEBC will ask you some questions to check if you’re eligible. If you are, they’ll send you an application form and supporting guidance on how to apply.
Depending on your situation, you may need to attend a court hearing in the UK or pay a court fee. Your supporting guidance will explain this in more detail.
Tell the MEBC if you do not want the other parent to see certain information about you, such as your address.
Complete the form and send it back to the MEBC with any supporting documents."

Full details here. Child maintenance if a parent lives abroad: If the other parent lives abroad - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

Good luck and I hope you and the boy make a great life for yourselves.

I think you can enforce the maintenance order.
https://damiengreer.com.au/family-law/international-family-law/overseas-maintenance-liabilities/

Just a side note:

I don’t agree with the posters saying to call the embassy, report him for this/that etc, essentially trying to foil his plans to emigrate and throw a spanner in the works.

It really sucks for your son, but let him go.
You can’t control what people deem to be best for their family unit, but you can guarantee that if somehow you trying to interfere with the process ended up fucking things up for them, your ex would hugely resent you and that would probably end up being inflicted on your son too by association.

Gosh, that’s truly upsetting to read. I can’t imagine how you feel OP! I hope he gets there and hates it, and then gets eaten by a shark.